I've been doing a lot of reflection. Or I should say I've been avoiding my responsibilities. Being unemployed sucks. I am a person that likes order and schedules. I find it hard to function without them. I've said it lots of times, I thrive on chaos. When I have an open day, or MANY open days, I find it hard to stay motivated to stick to a schedule. I get bored easily. The week before last was almost a little too busy but I'll go into that later.
Today I woke up determined. I didn't realize it until I saw that I woke up when my alarm went off, something my body seems to have been rejecting any other day. I accomplished a lot before 10am.
I have been finding comfort in coffee for once. I normally have to have fufu coffee but since I'm on a diet and can't have sugar I'm stuck with plain old coffee, cream and sweeteners. With the heat, add some ice and you've got a refreshing drink that feels like a treat. Either way, I got out of the house. For the first time I went and sat down at a coffee shop, did my devotions, wrote in my journal, and read some of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (I want it read again before the movie comes out). It was oddly relaxing. Sure it was hard to block out the sound of people talking, debating how our country could mourn the loss of a pedophile (which I'm inclined to agree, sorry to those readers and friends who are actually mourning the loss... I can't seem to bring myself to feel sad at all). But people came and went through the coffee house and there was plenty of time for quiet. I enjoyed it a lot! I think I will do it on a regular basis.
As I sat looking out the window at The Grind (the coffee house), a sudden rush of appreciation filled me for the fact that I live in beautiful Southern California! And that I have no idea where I will be in the future, even the near future. My future is completely unwritten. And I felt for the first time a sense of anticipation rather then dread or fear about what’s going to happen next! I have no idea what God has in store for me. It's totally open! But knowing that even in a few months my life will not be what it is today is no longer scary but exhilarating! As I wrote this, a song came into my mind...
What's that song?... Unwritten - by Natasha Bedingfield.
Youtube videoI am unwritten,
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten, yeah
Oh, oh
I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah
We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way oh, oh
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
the rest still unwritten
(Gospel)
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Sometimes we get so preoccupied with worry over the unknown that we forget the unknown should be looked at with excitement! Today can change the rest of my life depending on what happens next!
I think being unemployed has its advantages. How many people feel like their life is so repetitive? They feel like they are going through the motions with nothing new and exciting to report. The same old job day in and day out. I'm not saying they too couldn't look at their life with anticipation but not even knowing what your next job is going to be, who you will work with, where you will be living, etc. is quite unnerving for some people. Lately, it's been scary to me. I have been filled with dread that I would fail. Not be able to find a job before unemployment runs out and be stuck dealing with horrible finances. Wow... What a depressing picture huh? But today I'm filled with the possibilities of what God can do! I am excited to see His plans unfold and what He plans on bringing next in my life! I want to enjoy this time off as much as I can! Because when I do have a job, there may come a time when I feel stuck. So I am going to try to experience each day with anticipation and excitement for what God has planned. I guess reading this, it seems so obvious. I didn't hate life before, or think every day was horrible, but I did feel dread and fear. I no longer want to feel that way. The idea of not knowing what's coming tomorrow is bringing a smile to my face rather then worry!
Ok so I barely survived the busiest week of the month! Lots of emotional ups and downs and the worst day (Saturday, June 20th) was the biggest emotional roller coaster of them all! So at this point I haven't even gone through all the pics so they may or may not be attached to this post.
Weight Loss - So I've officially lost 15 pounds! Yay! I feel great and have only experienced a couple days of hardcore cravings. I'm realizing they are more emotional cravings which I knew my problem was emotional eating. I haven't measured in a while. I normally wait till Monday to do that. But my last measurements put me at losing 12 1/2 inches all over! How cool is that!? I went to try on clothes and am practically a whole size down! :D I don't know if it's noticeable to anyone else. My brother said he could tell (which is cool cause he's a guy! lol), but no one else has said anything. I think I need to lose my first goal before people will start noticing. But I'm halfway there. :) I haven't cheated either. Once you get the hang of it, it's not too hard to figure out what you can and can't eat.
Jam Bernardino 6/13/09 - So I went down to check out my friend Jimi play. He is quite the talented guitar player! I had never had a chance to see him live. I was able to hang out with him, his new girlfriend and his friends back at one of his friends beautiful mansion! I had a good time.
It's funny that I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings and around unfamiliar people (aside from Jimi and Sasha) and I was actually a bit shy! I guess it takes me to be in my own surroundings to be myself. :) But I had a great time. Jimi's friends were cool, down to earth people and I really didn't feel too awkward around them.
Disneyland! 6/15-16/09 - So I was able to make it to Disneyland one last time before my block out dates started! It was quite crowded as I'm sure everyone else was attempting the same thing. I went down with Linda, Vicki, Emily and Stephanie. They got a room and asked me to spend the night. I, of course, couldn't pass that up. :) We took our time getting down there the first day. And it was cool because Stephanie hadn't ever been on some of my favorite rides, so it was fun to experience that with a first-timer. I am finding that I like California Adventures more then Disneyland. Probably because I've been to Disneyland so much the rides are classics and California Adventures is all still new. We even got a chance to watch the Electric Parade. After the parade we met Jerret who came down to take Stephanie home since we were all spending the night.
The next day it was REALLY hot and WAY more crowded. I think we went on a ride or two but ended up heading out early. But I had a blast! I was so glad I was able to go with them!
House sitting 6/16-18/09 - So when I got back from Disneyland I had to house sit. I was a little tired but found it relaxing to be at the place I was housesitting. There were a lot of animals with specific instructions but all-in-all it worked out pretty good. But this meant I hadn't spent the night in my own bed from Monday - Thursday! I was thinking it's a good thing I didn't have a job!
Rehearsal Dinner 6/18/09 - Holly wanted me to take some pictures of her and her fiancé to be printed up for a frame at the wedding. She was pretty stressed out but I didn't mind. I was down at Edwards Mansion and scoping the place out for the wedding day. Our original goal was to take pictures before the rehearsal but we ended up doing it afterward. I specifically didn't want any landmarks in the pictures because I didn't want the guests to know it was the same location. I picked a pretty green spot and took maybe 100 photos. Here are a couple of my favorites.
Also on the way home the sky was so beautiful I had to snap a couple shots. I had a car pull up next to me checking me out while I blindly shot pics out through and out my window. hehe
Ok so I was going to continue on the rest of my busy week but I have friends bugging me to get to a BBQ... I'm off for now... More to come...
Terrance & Holly's Wedding Shoot 6/19/09 and
Toni Michels Funeral, Sasha's Going Away Party and Poet Sky @ Old Towne Pub Pasadena 6/20/09Labels: A Chair's Photography, Disneyland, Inspiration, Photography, Photoshoots, Pictures, Rambling, Updates, Video Clip, Weigh In
posted by Charity at 6/27/2009 06:35:00 PM
How often have I started my blog posts with something like "Life is good"? And even though I have no job, struggling to even find places for me to apply to, I can honestly say life is good!
Though I find it difficult to understand why I don't update my blog more now that I don't have a job. The funny thing is, time flies for me now that I'm not working. Before I know it the day is over and I don't have much to show for it. I consider it a productive day when I get at least ONE item on my "To Do" list completed. But I will say this week I've gotten a couple items each day. It feels good to have completed items that have been on my list for the last 3 weeks!
There are a lot of changes going to be taking place in the next few months. I know this even without having a clue where my next job is going to be. I had an interview a couple weeks ago and honestly I'm quite hopeful. I was told I should hear something right about now so please keep praying.
God is doing a lot in my life right now. I feel closer to His call on my life then I ever have before. Or I should say more able to hear where He is directing me. It's been a long time since I've felt even somewhat close to Him. And I think there is a maturity with it that makes me more aware of even the minutest voice. I love it! I am not saying I'm where I need to be, far from it actually... But it just feels so good to have that closeness again.
I'm getting involved in ministry again. The Care Place is an umbrella organization for the church. My dad put it on the back burner for a few years and amazingly the people in the church have come together with their individual ministries which make up the entire mission statement of the original Care Place and some of these people didn't even know about The Care Place. So it's like God is opening the doors to start something big! I'm really excited! We have our first official meeting June 20th. But it looks like we'll be doing a worship once-a-month, hopefully starting a soup kitchen, making blankets for the people in the community, and lots more. But those are the things we feel we can start pretty much right away.
June Chaos - This month is going to be quite busy. But as I always say, I thrive on chaos. These are the events I have on my calendar as of right now.
June 2nd - Camp Schultz Live shoot Chris and Andy from Poet Sky are in another band called
Camp Schultz and I went to take pictures of their show. They are quite good! I was definitely impressed and I'm not a big "punk" music fan. Here's a couple of my favorite pics from the night!
June 4th - Lunch with Rachel and Rashaell for the latter's birthday. We hung out at Rashaell's for most of the afternoon.
June 5th - Dinner and the movies with my friend Jeremy. We went to go see "
My Life in Ruins" and I hadn't even seen the previews before he mentioned it. It was a cute movie.
June 6th - BootieLA with my friend Andie. Ok so I've had a lot of people ask me "Bootie whah!?". So go to this website,
www.bootiela.com. Basically it's a club where the dj's do mashups all night long. The music is awesome! Everyone should experience it at least once! But if you can't make it to the club then download the Best Of mp3's they have on their website.
Best of Bootie 2005,
2006,
2007,
2008. I think 2006 is my favorite. Anyways it was so fun dancing and letting loose. It was their 4th anniversary in LA. I missed having Russ there, because he's the one who introduced me to it. But I still had a blast and can't wait to go again! Hopefully Russ can join us next time. ;) Oh and my sister did my hair and makeup. I had fake lashes on and everything. :) You can see the progression of how the hair and makeup held up with all that dancing around and sweating! lol
June 7th - My parents 40th Wedding Anniversary!!! Talk about setting a great example for me. :) They went up to Big Bear for the weekend so I didn't have to do anything for them but it's still a definitive landmark!
June 10th - Operation Blankets Some of the ladies from the church put together some of those easy fleece blankets for the needy children in the community. We're going to be getting together once-a-month to make them.
For the rest of the month: June 13th - Jam Bernardino to check out my friend Jimi perform a short acoustic set.
June 15th - Disneyland!!! I'm sneaking in one last Disneyland trip before my blockout dates start. Linda has asked me to go with them a few times and every time she asks I was busy doing stuff. So this time I'm hopeful it will work out. :)
June 18th - Rehearsal Dinner shoot. The couple wants me to come to the rehearsal dinner and take pics of them. They want these pics ready and printed the next day so I'll shoot, go home, play and send them to the bride Holly so she can get pics printed for the wedding.
June 19th - Terrance and Holly Wedding Shoot The wedding is in the evening at Edward's Mansion! I've been there one other time for my friends wedding and it's a beautiful place. I'm looking forward to how the pictures are going to turn out. :)
June 20th - Busiest Day of the Month! In the morning I have the first official meeting of The Care Place which I'm running for the office of the Secretary. That afternoon at 4pm I am going to Yucaipa for a Going Away Party for my good friend Sasha. It's a bittersweet thing because I'm sad she's going but happy for her achievements and she's following her dreams. I then have to be in Pasadena at 9pm for a Poet Sky show at the Old Towne Pub. It'll be a lot of driving that's for sure.
June 26th - Jr and Brandie's Wedding Shoot They are getting married in San Diego in the morning and the place looks very pretty. This is a small wedding. They will be having an intimate beach lunch as their reception. I love the beach and taking pics should be a lot of fun!
June 29th - Irvine then Laguna Beach with Heidi. Heidi and I are going down to Irvine for an appointment and we both like to go to the beach afterwards. :) I usually go alone so it'll be nice to spend time with my sis.
Toni Michels Funeral - A good friend of mine, Toni Michels, lost her battle with cancer. She passed away on Wednesday. I know she's in a better place and out of pain but it's hit me quite hard how big of an impact she's had on my life. She was such a good listener. And to be quite honest I've been avoiding thinking about her death because I had felt the need to call her for the last couple of weeks. Every time I would think to get my phone and get her number something came up. Right now I regret that more then anything! (sigh) :( They had moved and I lost touch. The funeral is in California sometime in the next week or so.
Weight Loss - I've started focusing on weight loss again. I've been walking more regularly but now I'm sticking to a lifestyle change (I hate the word diet). I will admit the first two weeks are more like a jump start but I am determined, nervous and excited about it. I'm ready for the change. I'm ready to start feeling better and having more energy. So hopefully in the next two weeks I'll have significant weight loss.
I want to lose 32 pounds as my first initial goal. I know better then to set the big goal. I won't be weighing in again until next Monday.
Anyways, I think that's it for now.
Labels: A Chair's Photography, Disneyland, Inspiration, Photoshoots, Pictures, Rambling, Random, Updates, Weigh In
posted by Charity at 6/11/2009 09:39:00 PM 
