These are my thoughts; though they may be public domain, please have enough respect and understand that they are mine and are not for the use of your own deviant agenda.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Weight Loss - So I hit a plateau for a couple weeks there. I would fluctuate between 3 pounds, neither going over or under but somewhere in between on each day. I started a exercise routine and wondered if that was it. I was on the verge of being discouraged when I measured and weighed last week and had lost 1 pound for a total of 28 pounds. I measured and went down 7 1/2 inches, which the time before I had gone down 10 pounds and 7 1/2 inches. So I was happy to see that even though the scale wasn't showing a difference my body was. Well I've stayed consistent with my exercise routine and have officially lost 34 pounds and 41 1/2 inches all over as of this morning! :D I feel fantastic!
What's more surprising is that 3 years ago when I was a couple pounds lighter then I am now, my measurements were bigger then they are now! So I may weigh more by a couple pounds but I'm smaller physically. It feels great and has made me even more determined to keep going. I understand that plateau's happen and will happen in the future but I'm going to stick them out. The reward is so worth it!
Another interesting fact is that the last time I lost this much weight I did it over a span of 10 months. I've currently been working on losing weight since early June! Only two and a half months! :) It makes me feel my next big goal is very attainable! I've reached my first goal which is to lose 32 pounds. My ultimate goal is an additional 50 pounds but my next short term goal is 25 pounds. So I'll keep you posted!
Birthday Plans - I'm not sure if these plans are going to happen yet but... I want to have a BBQ on my birthday which is September 4th. I picked Friday because I'm going to BootieLA on Saturday September 5th with a big group of friends and that's always a late night so I figured I'd be too tired to do anything on Sunday September 6th. So we'll see if I can pull this together. Right now the financial side of it is what's concerning me, even if I have everyone bring something. But I haven't had a big party at this place yet. I've had a dinner party of about 20 people but this would probably be bigger then that, at least I hope so. :) Oh and I plan on going to Disneyland the day of my birthday if that works out. I signed up for the free birthday pass but since I already have a season pass I hear they give a gift certificate in its place.
Job Search - I've been pretty discouraged about the whole job hunt thing. I've gotten confirmation that doors are staying shut for a reason, just haven't figured out what God's reason is yet. That might seem a little odd but it's true. Things have happened that there is no other explanation then God shut the door. I'm trying to stay positive about that. It's hard to understand when I don't see the bigger picture. But that's what faith is all about, trusting in what you can't see or understand.
Unexpected Honesty - Right now I feel so torn between being a good Godly woman and being completely unrestrained in opportunities of the worldly nature. There's a song that fits where my hearts at.
Satisfy - Tenth Avenue North
Before the sun has touched the sky Colors bursting from Your eyes Before the flood of the morning light Before the earth has felt Your heat Before I stand up to my feet Before I begin to feel this weak
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh Satisfy me Lord, oh oh I'm begging You, help me see You're all I want, You're all I need Oh, satisfy me Lord
When the day is closing in Like the stars in the night I am falling Into the pull of the earth and it's affection In me, oh lord, can you create A pure heart cuz I'm afraid That I just might run back to the things I hate
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh Satisfy me Lord, oh oh Yeah, I'm begging You, help me see You're all I want, You're all I need Oh, satisfy me Lord
You're beautiful, You're beautiful You're more than all this world can give You're beautiful, You're beautiful You're love is all I need to live You're beautiful, You're beautiful You're more than all this world can give You're beautiful, more beautiful You're love is all I need to live
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh Satisfy me Lord, oh oh I'm begging You, help me see You're all I want, You're all I need Oh, satisfy me Lord
My relationship with God has become stronger in this time of having to trust His plan for my life but I also feel the draw to do things I've always been against in my personal beliefs or what I have always felt was morally unacceptable. It's been quite a challenge! Especially when the opportunities keep presenting themselves at the most unexpected times! Of course, that's when it's the hardest to prepare yourself to fight against the temptation! Those of you who understand where I'm at, please pray for me to have continued strength.
A Chair's Photography - I'm almost afraid of sharing this because I've said it so often. I actually have made steps to moving forward with the business plan. I am happy to say that the signs that God wants me to move forward with starting my photography business are too great to ignore anymore! I have to get it up and running and right now is the best time! So hopefully I'll be sharing updates in regards to this very soon!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to make my way down to Pasadena for another photography group outing. This one was organized by my friend James. James' friend Jon (2Factor Photography Smug Mug page) joined us, and I had a great time learning new things about how he started his business and what he uses.
Our photography group is planning on getting together every 3rd Saturday of the month with a new photography project or location each time. If anyone is interested in joining let me know! This next month we've decided we wanted to play with nighttime portraits and I'm going to use my friend Andy as my model (he's already agreed)! I wanted a rock star look and he's got it! I'm really looking forward to playing with lighting. Jon has some external lights and Septembers project all started when I asked if I could just go with him when he's shooting a portrait with external lighting. I am really happy about this group. I hope it grows because it’s a great way to gain more knowledge and it's so fun to talk to people who have the same passion as I do about photography.
Here is a couple of my favorites
Depeche Mode - I'm going to Depeche Mode Monday night at the Hollywood Bowl! I love Depeche Mode! I'm a little nervous because Dave Gahan has been having voice issues and has had to cancel a couple shows this week per doctors orders! The last email I received said the two shows at Hollywood Bowl would still be happening but I'm still nervous! That would totally suck! Especially since a couple of the people going with me have never seen Depeche Mode live before! It seems crazy when I've been to at least 1 show per tour in the last few tours. :) I love the Hollywood Bowl as a venue so it should be very cool!
So since my last post, life has been filled with non-stop adventures! Gotta love that right? But that means LOTS of pictures (as usual)! So I guess the first announcement might as well be the biggest…
Weight Loss – So I’ve lost a total of 27 pounds as of today! Better yet, I’m able to fit into jeans I haven’t been able to wear for over two years! I love it! Oh and I have lost a total of 27 inches all over! Yup, I feel great! I’m so close to my first goal! I’m proud of myself. And I have no desire to falter or cheat. Ok so there are those days but they haven’t happened in a while. I want to lose the weight at a healthy rate. And, I haven’t been working out as consistently as I would like to but I’m still very happy with my success!
In my last post I had to run off and didn’t finish explaining the wedding and the busiest day of the month last month.
6.19.09 Terrance & Holly’s Wedding - I can’t share the pictures of the wedding because I haven’t given them to the bride and groom yet. I’m waiting on them for something so I don’t like sharing until they have access to them first. So it should be sometime next week.
6.20.09 Toni Michels Funeral – Well there is nothing good about funerals. I will say it felt like a reunion of the old Aspen Street Crew, though I wish it was under different circumstances. Toni had a big impact on my youth. It’s hard to imagine I won’t see her, on this earth at least. Steve had written his thoughts out because he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it through talking about it. His brother read it for him. The one statement that stood out to me is that every time he goes to bed and wakes up he will feel the sorrow of her loss the most… Wow! How true and real is that? I went to school with Shawn and I got teary a lot during his talk, but it wasn’t until his oldest daughter got up to speak that the tears flowed. She talked about how her Nana always said she loved her more then the universe and broke down in the middle and Shawn had to finish for her. It was so tender... She ended it saying "Nana, I love you more then the universe". Yeah, not a dry eye in the place.
She passed away from Breast Cancer so the entire family wore pink of some sort which I thought was fitting. The women wore brown dresses with pink ribbons in the pattern. The guys wore black shirts with pink pin stripes and pink ties with a breast cancer sweat band on their forearm. All the grandkids wore pink of some sort as well.
After the service I got a chance to talk to the family and it was an emotional morning. Toni will be missed.
6.20.09 Sasha's Going Away Party - I left there and had to rush to get lunch and head down to Sasha’s going away party in Yucaipa. Here are a couple of my favorite shots. It was a nice time. I didn’t get to hang out with Sasha that much but it’s always so relaxing at the Clements’s home.
6.20.09 and Poet Sky @ Old Towne Pub Pasadena – I made my way out to Pasadena to make sure I would get there in time. The drive was relaxing. I was looking forward to the show and the venue has so much character I was looking forward to taking more pictures there again. I had a great time that night! Poet Sky was on fire! Their last show at this venue was a bit of a disappointment for them but this one I think more then made up for it. And it was a late night!
6.29.09 Laguna – My sister and I had an appointment in Irvine again. And since we were both going down together for once, we decided to spend the afternoon at our favorite beach afterwards. I love Laguna! I found it difficult to just sit and relax. I wanted to be exploring, taking pictures or walking around. Heidi on the other hand enjoyed reading and lying on the beach.
I posted a status update on Facebook and a friend called me and had a recommendation for where we should eat for lunch, Sun Dried Tomato. I was laughing but he took care of everything! Made the reservation and even suggested what we were to eat and where to sit while we were there. And we got there and decided against outdoor seating only because it had gotten chilly and we also decided against his food recommendations because of the day’s specials. It was yummy! All-in-all a great day!
7.1.09 Monthly Worship Concert – My church, The Place, is putting on monthly concerts the first Wednesday of every month. This was our very first one and I am thrilled to say it was a success! We even had a hotdog cookout because it was so close to the 4th of July. We had a great time! I’m looking forward to the next one!
7.4.09 4th of July – I normally don’t get out to the fireworks but was happy to be able to this year. We met up with some family friends and I was impressed with the show.
7.10-12.09 Santa Cruz – My sister was hired to do makeup for a wedding up in Santa Cruz. They paid for the cost of her travel, her hotel room as well as paid for her time. Since I don’t have a lot going on, she asked if I wanted to join her. Of course I said yes! How cool is it to experience a trip up the coast at no cost to me other then food!? So, we decided to take the scenic route which was the 101 to the 1 since we were leaving Friday and had the time. It was such a great time with Heidi and I, we had so much fun being silly and listening to great music.
It was such a beautiful drive! I had a hard time not stopping every few minutes to take pictures!
Saturday was the day of the wedding and while Heidi started work on the bridesmaids I had made arrangements to meet up with my friend James. James and I have been friends for years (10+ easy)! He usually has to come down to Southern California for us to hang out so this time I was actually able to meet him up in his territory! We’d always ended up at Santa Monica Pier when he’d come down and he’d always say it was nothing like Santa Cruz Boardwalk. And sure enough he was right! I loved it there! We had a great time walking around, talking and catching up and of course me taking lots of pictures!
I got back in just enough time to get ready for the wedding that evening. James stuck around so that after the ceremony we went back to the boardwalk and then went to Downtown Santa Cruz and walked around. It was a great day.
Sunday we took the boring route back down the 5 Fwy because we were on a time crunch. My brother’s band, Poet Sky, was playing and we had decided to be the hard core fans and drive 5+ hours to go see their show in Pomona that night.
7.12.09 Poet Sky & AMP in Pomona – Before the show I wasn’t sure I had the energy to make it through but as usual once I start snapping pictures I was energized! The show was originally supposed to be in a bar but there was some confusion and luckily they were able to play out in a courtyard which I thought worked out better!
It was a long crazy weekend but nothing compared to what was coming the following weekend!
7.17.09 Camp Schultz Practice – Andy had asked me if I had time to go take pics of his band while they practiced for their show the next day. It was a short practice and early enough that I was able to stop by for about an hour and take some shots. I was pretty happy with how they turned out.
7.17.09 Club E (a Gothic Event) – My good friends Joe and Erica had put on a big Gothic party for Erica’s birthday. They wanted me to take pictures for it and were generous enough to pay me for my time. I had a great time shooting pictures and enjoying the nostalgia of my old wannabe Goth days just out of high school. It was a bit of a reunion as a lot of the people there were friends from that time.
7.18.09 Pasadena Photo Walk – The only bummer about my late night out was that I had already agreed to be in Pasadena the next morning at 7:30! Yeah I got like 2 hours of sleep, but I don’t often get out there and take artistic shots of random places. But that was the point of the event and I took advantage. Sadly we were all supposed to meet up after a couple of hours but the location they set wasn’t opened for another hour so everyone just kind of went their separate ways. I was looking forward to checking out what other people shot.
Anyways, we got done and with the lack of sleep and being out in the hot sun, I was definitely losing it. I needed sleep bad! I got home and took a nap for a few hours and had to get ready for my final shoot of the weekend.
My friend James had been the one to invite me to the event and we stayed close while taking our pictures through Old Town Pasadena. We plan on going back out on our own August 15th and we’re going to invite anyone who wants to go to join us. If you’re interested let me know.
7.18.09 Camp Schultz and others with CJ Ramone – So Andy and Chris were pretty excited about their show with CJ Ramone who was going to be playing all the old Ramones songs. My other friends, Voting with Bullets, were there as well so I knew a lot of people at the show.
At some point in the evening I lost all gumption. I believe it was the lack of sleep catching up with me because I got unreasonably moody. I struggled to even want to be there. I felt like I knew everyone but that there was no one there that I could hang out with. Everyone I knew was in the bands playing so they were too busy. By the time CJ Ramone came on I just wanted to leave. Mike from Camp Schultz convinced me to stay because when was I going to get a chance like this again? I was glad I did stay but I didn’t close out the event, I stayed for about half the set.
Job Hunt – So I had a pretty big let down this week. I interviewed for an Admin II position for the Pharmacy at Kaiser in Victorville on Monday. I felt good about the interview and sent out my thank you letter as soon as I got home. I found out Friday that they went with someone with Pharmacy experience, which makes sense but I was pretty down. She told me I did great in the interview and thought the thank you letter was definitely a nice touch (thanks Russ!).
I have another job I’m still waiting to hear back from but it’s been dragged out because of some issues beyond their control, so I’m not sure when that one will be confirmed one way or another.
So it’s taken me over a week to complete this post! Hopefully it won’t be this long before I can post again. I really need to start writing less or posting more often. Not sure.
I've been doing a lot of reflection. Or I should say I've been avoiding my responsibilities. Being unemployed sucks. I am a person that likes order and schedules. I find it hard to function without them. I've said it lots of times, I thrive on chaos. When I have an open day, or MANY open days, I find it hard to stay motivated to stick to a schedule. I get bored easily. The week before last was almost a little too busy but I'll go into that later.
Today I woke up determined. I didn't realize it until I saw that I woke up when my alarm went off, something my body seems to have been rejecting any other day. I accomplished a lot before 10am.
I have been finding comfort in coffee for once. I normally have to have fufu coffee but since I'm on a diet and can't have sugar I'm stuck with plain old coffee, cream and sweeteners. With the heat, add some ice and you've got a refreshing drink that feels like a treat. Either way, I got out of the house. For the first time I went and sat down at a coffee shop, did my devotions, wrote in my journal, and read some of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince (I want it read again before the movie comes out). It was oddly relaxing. Sure it was hard to block out the sound of people talking, debating how our country could mourn the loss of a pedophile (which I'm inclined to agree, sorry to those readers and friends who are actually mourning the loss... I can't seem to bring myself to feel sad at all). But people came and went through the coffee house and there was plenty of time for quiet. I enjoyed it a lot! I think I will do it on a regular basis.
As I sat looking out the window at The Grind (the coffee house), a sudden rush of appreciation filled me for the fact that I live in beautiful Southern California! And that I have no idea where I will be in the future, even the near future. My future is completely unwritten. And I felt for the first time a sense of anticipation rather then dread or fear about what’s going to happen next! I have no idea what God has in store for me. It's totally open! But knowing that even in a few months my life will not be what it is today is no longer scary but exhilarating! As I wrote this, a song came into my mind...
What's that song?... Unwritten - by Natasha Bedingfield.
I am unwritten, Can't read my mind I'm undefined I'm just beginning The pen's in my hand Ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words That you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins The rest is still unwritten, yeah
Oh, oh
I break tradition Sometimes my tries Are outside the lines, oh yeah yeah We've been conditioned To not make mistakes But I can't live that way oh, oh
Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words That you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins the rest still unwritten
(Gospel) Staring at the blank page before you Open up the dirty window Let the sun illuminate the words That you could not find Reaching for something in the distance So close you can almost taste it Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in No one else, no one else Can speak the words on your lips Drench yourself in words unspoken Live your life with arms wide open Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Sometimes we get so preoccupied with worry over the unknown that we forget the unknown should be looked at with excitement! Today can change the rest of my life depending on what happens next!
I think being unemployed has its advantages. How many people feel like their life is so repetitive? They feel like they are going through the motions with nothing new and exciting to report. The same old job day in and day out. I'm not saying they too couldn't look at their life with anticipation but not even knowing what your next job is going to be, who you will work with, where you will be living, etc. is quite unnerving for some people. Lately, it's been scary to me. I have been filled with dread that I would fail. Not be able to find a job before unemployment runs out and be stuck dealing with horrible finances. Wow... What a depressing picture huh? But today I'm filled with the possibilities of what God can do! I am excited to see His plans unfold and what He plans on bringing next in my life! I want to enjoy this time off as much as I can! Because when I do have a job, there may come a time when I feel stuck. So I am going to try to experience each day with anticipation and excitement for what God has planned. I guess reading this, it seems so obvious. I didn't hate life before, or think every day was horrible, but I did feel dread and fear. I no longer want to feel that way. The idea of not knowing what's coming tomorrow is bringing a smile to my face rather then worry!
Ok so I barely survived the busiest week of the month! Lots of emotional ups and downs and the worst day (Saturday, June 20th) was the biggest emotional roller coaster of them all! So at this point I haven't even gone through all the pics so they may or may not be attached to this post.
Weight Loss - So I've officially lost 15 pounds! Yay! I feel great and have only experienced a couple days of hardcore cravings. I'm realizing they are more emotional cravings which I knew my problem was emotional eating. I haven't measured in a while. I normally wait till Monday to do that. But my last measurements put me at losing 12 1/2 inches all over! How cool is that!? I went to try on clothes and am practically a whole size down! :D I don't know if it's noticeable to anyone else. My brother said he could tell (which is cool cause he's a guy! lol), but no one else has said anything. I think I need to lose my first goal before people will start noticing. But I'm halfway there. :) I haven't cheated either. Once you get the hang of it, it's not too hard to figure out what you can and can't eat.
Jam Bernardino 6/13/09 - So I went down to check out my friend Jimi play. He is quite the talented guitar player! I had never had a chance to see him live. I was able to hang out with him, his new girlfriend and his friends back at one of his friends beautiful mansion! I had a good time.
It's funny that I found myself in unfamiliar surroundings and around unfamiliar people (aside from Jimi and Sasha) and I was actually a bit shy! I guess it takes me to be in my own surroundings to be myself. :) But I had a great time. Jimi's friends were cool, down to earth people and I really didn't feel too awkward around them.
Disneyland! 6/15-16/09 - So I was able to make it to Disneyland one last time before my block out dates started! It was quite crowded as I'm sure everyone else was attempting the same thing. I went down with Linda, Vicki, Emily and Stephanie. They got a room and asked me to spend the night. I, of course, couldn't pass that up. :) We took our time getting down there the first day. And it was cool because Stephanie hadn't ever been on some of my favorite rides, so it was fun to experience that with a first-timer. I am finding that I like California Adventures more then Disneyland. Probably because I've been to Disneyland so much the rides are classics and California Adventures is all still new. We even got a chance to watch the Electric Parade. After the parade we met Jerret who came down to take Stephanie home since we were all spending the night.
The next day it was REALLY hot and WAY more crowded. I think we went on a ride or two but ended up heading out early. But I had a blast! I was so glad I was able to go with them!
House sitting 6/16-18/09 - So when I got back from Disneyland I had to house sit. I was a little tired but found it relaxing to be at the place I was housesitting. There were a lot of animals with specific instructions but all-in-all it worked out pretty good. But this meant I hadn't spent the night in my own bed from Monday - Thursday! I was thinking it's a good thing I didn't have a job!
Rehearsal Dinner 6/18/09 - Holly wanted me to take some pictures of her and her fiancé to be printed up for a frame at the wedding. She was pretty stressed out but I didn't mind. I was down at Edwards Mansion and scoping the place out for the wedding day. Our original goal was to take pictures before the rehearsal but we ended up doing it afterward. I specifically didn't want any landmarks in the pictures because I didn't want the guests to know it was the same location. I picked a pretty green spot and took maybe 100 photos. Here are a couple of my favorites.
Also on the way home the sky was so beautiful I had to snap a couple shots. I had a car pull up next to me checking me out while I blindly shot pics out through and out my window. hehe
Ok so I was going to continue on the rest of my busy week but I have friends bugging me to get to a BBQ... I'm off for now... More to come...
Terrance & Holly's Wedding Shoot 6/19/09 and Toni Michels Funeral, Sasha's Going Away Party and Poet Sky @ Old Towne Pub Pasadena 6/20/09
How often have I started my blog posts with something like "Life is good"? And even though I have no job, struggling to even find places for me to apply to, I can honestly say life is good!
Though I find it difficult to understand why I don't update my blog more now that I don't have a job. The funny thing is, time flies for me now that I'm not working. Before I know it the day is over and I don't have much to show for it. I consider it a productive day when I get at least ONE item on my "To Do" list completed. But I will say this week I've gotten a couple items each day. It feels good to have completed items that have been on my list for the last 3 weeks!
There are a lot of changes going to be taking place in the next few months. I know this even without having a clue where my next job is going to be. I had an interview a couple weeks ago and honestly I'm quite hopeful. I was told I should hear something right about now so please keep praying.
God is doing a lot in my life right now. I feel closer to His call on my life then I ever have before. Or I should say more able to hear where He is directing me. It's been a long time since I've felt even somewhat close to Him. And I think there is a maturity with it that makes me more aware of even the minutest voice. I love it! I am not saying I'm where I need to be, far from it actually... But it just feels so good to have that closeness again.
I'm getting involved in ministry again. The Care Place is an umbrella organization for the church. My dad put it on the back burner for a few years and amazingly the people in the church have come together with their individual ministries which make up the entire mission statement of the original Care Place and some of these people didn't even know about The Care Place. So it's like God is opening the doors to start something big! I'm really excited! We have our first official meeting June 20th. But it looks like we'll be doing a worship once-a-month, hopefully starting a soup kitchen, making blankets for the people in the community, and lots more. But those are the things we feel we can start pretty much right away.
June Chaos - This month is going to be quite busy. But as I always say, I thrive on chaos. These are the events I have on my calendar as of right now.
June 2nd - Camp Schultz Live shoot Chris and Andy from Poet Sky are in another band called Camp Schultz and I went to take pictures of their show. They are quite good! I was definitely impressed and I'm not a big "punk" music fan. Here's a couple of my favorite pics from the night! June 4th - Lunch with Rachel and Rashaell for the latter's birthday. We hung out at Rashaell's for most of the afternoon. June 5th - Dinner and the movies with my friend Jeremy. We went to go see "My Life in Ruins" and I hadn't even seen the previews before he mentioned it. It was a cute movie.
June 6th - BootieLA with my friend Andie. Ok so I've had a lot of people ask me "Bootie whah!?". So go to this website, www.bootiela.com. Basically it's a club where the dj's do mashups all night long. The music is awesome! Everyone should experience it at least once! But if you can't make it to the club then download the Best Of mp3's they have on their website. Best of Bootie 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008. I think 2006 is my favorite. Anyways it was so fun dancing and letting loose. It was their 4th anniversary in LA. I missed having Russ there, because he's the one who introduced me to it. But I still had a blast and can't wait to go again! Hopefully Russ can join us next time. ;) Oh and my sister did my hair and makeup. I had fake lashes on and everything. :) You can see the progression of how the hair and makeup held up with all that dancing around and sweating! lol June 7th - My parents 40th Wedding Anniversary!!! Talk about setting a great example for me. :) They went up to Big Bear for the weekend so I didn't have to do anything for them but it's still a definitive landmark!
June 10th - Operation Blankets Some of the ladies from the church put together some of those easy fleece blankets for the needy children in the community. We're going to be getting together once-a-month to make them.
For the rest of the month:
June 13th - Jam Bernardino to check out my friend Jimi perform a short acoustic set.
June 15th - Disneyland!!! I'm sneaking in one last Disneyland trip before my blockout dates start. Linda has asked me to go with them a few times and every time she asks I was busy doing stuff. So this time I'm hopeful it will work out. :)
June 18th - Rehearsal Dinner shoot. The couple wants me to come to the rehearsal dinner and take pics of them. They want these pics ready and printed the next day so I'll shoot, go home, play and send them to the bride Holly so she can get pics printed for the wedding.
June 19th - Terrance and Holly Wedding Shoot The wedding is in the evening at Edward's Mansion! I've been there one other time for my friends wedding and it's a beautiful place. I'm looking forward to how the pictures are going to turn out. :)
June 20th - Busiest Day of the Month! In the morning I have the first official meeting of The Care Place which I'm running for the office of the Secretary. That afternoon at 4pm I am going to Yucaipa for a Going Away Party for my good friend Sasha. It's a bittersweet thing because I'm sad she's going but happy for her achievements and she's following her dreams. I then have to be in Pasadena at 9pm for a Poet Sky show at the Old Towne Pub. It'll be a lot of driving that's for sure.
June 26th - Jr and Brandie's Wedding Shoot They are getting married in San Diego in the morning and the place looks very pretty. This is a small wedding. They will be having an intimate beach lunch as their reception. I love the beach and taking pics should be a lot of fun!
June 29th - Irvine then Laguna Beach with Heidi. Heidi and I are going down to Irvine for an appointment and we both like to go to the beach afterwards. :) I usually go alone so it'll be nice to spend time with my sis.
Toni Michels Funeral - A good friend of mine, Toni Michels, lost her battle with cancer. She passed away on Wednesday. I know she's in a better place and out of pain but it's hit me quite hard how big of an impact she's had on my life. She was such a good listener. And to be quite honest I've been avoiding thinking about her death because I had felt the need to call her for the last couple of weeks. Every time I would think to get my phone and get her number something came up. Right now I regret that more then anything! (sigh) :( They had moved and I lost touch. The funeral is in California sometime in the next week or so.
Weight Loss - I've started focusing on weight loss again. I've been walking more regularly but now I'm sticking to a lifestyle change (I hate the word diet). I will admit the first two weeks are more like a jump start but I am determined, nervous and excited about it. I'm ready for the change. I'm ready to start feeling better and having more energy. So hopefully in the next two weeks I'll have significant weight loss.
I want to lose 32 pounds as my first initial goal. I know better then to set the big goal. I won't be weighing in again until next Monday.
I've had a productive week. Actually I've been pretty busy the last couple of weeks, but I consider productive as doing the things I've had on my To Do list! Since being unemployed I've struggled with the constant battle of keeping a positive attitude and being motivated. I've failed at times. But this week I've been pretty successful at keeping a positive and upbeat attitude. I'm going on 3 months being unemployed. It sure doesn't feel like it though!
Movies (And my reviews of them hehe) - In the last few weeks I've been going to a lot of movies. I have been really excited to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Star Trek and Terminator Salvation. I will say I was slightly disappointed in Wolverine. I wouldn't say it was a bad movie just not as good as I had expected. I can't say enough about Star Trek! I've seen it twice in theaters! I loved each of the characters. I am hoping that because of the fact that it's an alternate universe they are going to continue making the series with the group they have now. I have a huge crush on Zachary Quinto as it is. And he was an excellent Spock! Yup, one of my favorite movies recently! I've had only two friends say they didn't think it was that great but most of my other friends agree with me, it was an excellent movie! And Terminator Salvation obviously hasn't come out yet. So hopefully that one won't disappoint.
I went to a couple other movies at the request of other people. My mom invited me to go see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, and not that I had any expectation of the movie to begin with, I wasn't at all impressed. I felt the concept had been done too many times for it to be interesting. You knew how it would end. And it just wasn't that funny. I left thinking "eh..." and that's it! One movie that did surprise me was 17 Again. On Mother's Day it was decided that the girls would all go to the movies and let the guys stay home and relax. Megan really wanted to see the movie since it had Zac Efron whom I've never thought much of. But I was highly surprised and quite entertained. Even if the concept had been done before there was something redeeming about the movie. It's possible that because I had absolutely NO desire or expectations of liking the movie that I was pleasantly surprised but I've heard good things about the movie since I went to it. My favorite character is Ned Gold the rich geek best friend! So there ya have it. The movies I've seen recently and what I thought of them.
Missing Alliance - This last weekend I realized how much I miss my old job. I had lot of conflicts with the people, but towards the end, I'd say even a year ago I was well on my way to LOVING my job and the people I worked with (well with maybe one exception lol). At the end I was thoroughly enjoying the challenges being brought before me. Sure studying for my AAP was a lot of pressure but I find that I like that. I miss it. I miss the people I worked with, even though we all do our best to keep in touch, it's just not the same. It's hard to imagine where I'll work next.
The Future - I've been taking a personal inventory. I went to my parents and my old supervisor and asked them what they saw as my strengths and weaknesses. It was interesting the feedback I got and helpful on the personal side but I also need to use it for the direction of my future career. I feel I'm at a cross roads. Really I have a lot of different directions I can take in my life. The question is what direction do I feel God is calling me to? He's given me my strengths and interests for a reason. Now how can I use that to my benefit? Every job I've ever had I've just kinda landed in.
I finally heard back from the Pasadena job, they can't afford me and I'm not willing to settle for less especially since they expected me to move down there. So we'll see what God has in store.
A Chair's Photography - The other side of this unemployment is that my photography seems to be going somewhere. I took pictures of a wedding May 2nd and was asked for my business card a few times. I didn't have any made so I should look into that. The other thing is I've had to borrow my friend Ludek's equipment because I don't have some of it to make shooting easier. Until now, with some of the money I got from my last wedding shoot I bought all the items I'd been borrowing! An external flash, diffuser, an extra battery and a tripod are all on their way. I got a great deal. Everything was A LOT cheaper then I had anticipated. My next big purchase is a new lens but that will be a while before I can afford something that pricey.
Here are a couple of my favorite shots of the wedding on May 2nd for Brad and Randi at the Redlands Temple, reception shots are in someone's backyard in Apple Valley
Jesse - So the 3rd anniversary of Jesse's death was Wednesday this week. He's been on my mind quite a bit. I've actually been reading the blogs I've posted (listed below) of when it happened. 5/13/06 5/14/06 5/17/06 I wonder at times what our friendship would be like if he were still alive. I know I let go a lot of the pain and resentment of our relationship at the funeral. I have gone to Disneyland a couple times in the last few weeks and I couldn't help but think of him. We had season passes when we were dating. I really miss him.
Disneyland - So yes, I went to Disneyland back on May 4th (with Andie) as well as May 14th (with Ron)! I had a blast both times. I love Disneyland! And with the passes you can enjoy a fairly cheap day of entertainment! Andie and I have a lot of the same interests at Disneyland so it's always fun with her. It was the first time I went with my friend Ron and was amazed at how different my Disneyland experience was! He showed me sides of Disneyland I had never even heard of! It was fantastic! I can't wait to show Andie! :) Mostly it was performers but I was thoroughly impressed. And on top of that I learned of a new talent of his! He plays the piano phenomenally! My jaw dropped to the floor when he played three of my favorite classical songs beautifully! And then he shared a few of the songs he's written himself! ... Amazing! It was great to get to know him better. And we're for sure going to Disneyland again after my blockout dates have passed. So here are a couple pictures of my two trips.
Santa Cruz - Heidi has been hired to do makeup for a wedding I believe the second weekend in July up in Santa Cruz. She's asked me join her. The gas and hotel are being paid for by her client, which is freakin awesome! I'm soo happy she invited me! I can't wait! And I will get to finally visit with my good friend James in his neck of the woods. :) All at relatively no cost to me! :D And I'm so excited for a new place to take pics!
So... I'm finally on the down side of a serious upper respiratory infection plus ear infections! It started Monday. This cold took me out! I kept hoping I'd move past it but by Thursday the pain was unbearable. I couldn't swallow and my ears felt like someone was cutting them with knives! I went to a clinic that my friend Tom works at since I didn't have insurance. I was told I had a temperature of 101. After the doctor saw my ears and throat he seemed very concerned that I would be around anyone because he said I was highly contagious. He was concerned mostly about anyone that lived with me. Of course my first thought was Brian who's already on Prednisone which breaks down his immune system! Anyways, I got a shot of antibiotics in the keister and a 5 day dose of pills. I went home hoping for the best. I made sure to stay in my room and got a can of Lysol to spray around anywhere I was so I wouldn't spread it. My dad and mom had come over and anointed me with oil and prayed over me.
After a very restless night of sleep, and serious pain I woke up physically drained from everything and broke down. I was scared. The pain hadn't gotten better but worse! I thought maybe it was because the antibiotics were fighting the infection. But I didn't think I could handle the pain any longer. I literally cried to God to take it away. I forced myself to take a shower and a steam bath, I took my morning antibiotics and consulted with Tom and my family who all thought it might be time to go to the ER. I decided to wait until Tom could consult with the Doctor who saw me the night before. Within the next couple of hours, about 10am, my body started to feel better. My ears were no longer on fire but felt like they were filled with water. My throat was bearable. I could swallow without feeling like someone was stabbing my throat.
I'm not 100% or even 75% but the pain has reduced so much that I feel so thankful! I can't talk much because when I do I still go into coughing fits which still can be somewhat painful. My chest is still tight. My throat is sore. My ears are achy but not bad. But I can deal with this pain so much more then the pain in the last few days! I’m so thankful!
The below was written earlier in the week...
Dear Lord, will this cold ever go away!? I was actually pretty sick for about two weeks a short time ago. Then Sunday night I had a migraine that wouldn't quit and I wake up Monday to yet another nasty cold! This BITES! I'm totally achy and exhausted. I've slept most of the day away. I was so energized last week too! I was non-stop all week! I stuck to my daily routine and accomplished all sorts of things with my week. I guess I might have pushed myself too hard. Either way, I'm tired of being sick and not sure why my immune system is not fighting these colds off very well.
So in the last month I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. I am dealing with unemployment better then last time but it is seriously difficult to deal with the emotional toll it takes on a person. I know I'm not the only one out there that struggles staying positive and even motivated! It hasn't help that I've been sick!
Since I'm not feeling so hot, I won't really go into much explanation. I'll let the pictures do most of the talking.
4/13/09 - Easter - I went over to my parents after church and enjoyed a good home cooked meal. We hung out and talked which was nice. And I stayed later then expected to watch the movie "Mama Mia" which wasn't that bad. I'm a big fan of Colin Firth and was impressed with Meryl Streep's energy for the film at her age. I didn't take too many pictures that day. Here's one of me and my sister, and my mom and Bailey at church.
4/14/09 - Movie Screening - So my good friend Sasha decided to take me out to the movie screening of "How To Be" down in Santa Monica. I wasn't sure what to expect but it ended up being a cool film. The best part was afterwards when they have a Q&A session with the director Oliver Irving and one of the actors in the film who wrote all the music, Joe Hastings I believe. It was interesting to hear how he came up with the idea for the film and how he got it where it was. After that they were in the lobby and we were able to talk to them one on one. We didn't stay long enough to do too much of that. Sasha did ask Joe Hastings a question. All in all it was a very interesting experience and I would definitely recommend seeing the film!
And I stumbled across this video of the screening I went to checking out the movie website. I'm not going to make an effort to point me out in the crowd but I can see me. lol
Since we knew it would be a late night, Sasha offered to let me sleep in the spare room, which worked out rather conveniently because I was meeting some of the old Alliance crew for lunch the next day.
4/15/09 - Wahoo's Lunch - It was a last minute plan to meet everyone so the crowd was smaller then we'd hoped. I'm hoping to plan another one in May so more people can come.
4/16/09 - Andie's going away party - I met Andie and some of her work friends Thursday night for her going away party. It was quite entertaining to watch them. We ended the night at a dance club. I was disappointed in the music and it made me realize how awesome BootieLA is and how I desperately need to get back there! Anyways, they are a fun group of people and I had a good time hanging out with them.
4/18/09 - Bailey's Game - It's not often that I get to go to my niece and nephew's games but I made a point to go and realized it was a great opportunity to get some pictures. And I got some great shots of Bailey. :) He's a lefty so he throws off the pitcher. Anyways, isn't he a cutie?!
Anyways, that's all of an update I can give for now...
So I'm surviving on only 3 ½ to 4 hours of sleep. I got home at 4am and got out of bed for church at 8am. But I had an absolute blast last night at the Poet Sky show at the Old Towne Pub in Pasadena! I will definitely share pictures. There is just too much to share before I go into that! :) And there will be things I skip, a lot has been going on!
Possible New Job - I guess now is as good a time as any to share the possibility of a new job. I didn't want to share until I knew it was more certain and sadly it's still very up-in-the-air. I applied for a job out in Pasadena about the end of last month. A friend of mine had the owners email address so I sent over my resume' not knowing what would come of it. After a few communications and a very successful interview I was confident of being offered a job. So what's the issue? I was told during one of our conversations prior to interviewing that they only had one concern, they didn't like my commute and that if the position was offered, they would expect me to move to Pasadena!
I wish I could be more excited but there is so much I'm still waiting on. I got an email from the owner last week stating that they are planning on hiring me (yay me), but that it was just a timing issue at this point. They would hire me to head out a new department and they have a lot of logistics to work through in getting that department set up. Now, you would think I would be ecstatic but there is still so much to consider. Even if I was offered a position it doesn't mean I will take the job. I have no idea what they are willing to give in compensation. The cost of living in Pasadena is significantly different then living in Apple Valley.
But I have to say this... when they first approached me about the position I was thrilled with the idea of moving to Pasadena. I immediately looked up cost of rent in the general area, talked with my brother about moving out there together, and started getting SUPER excited about the idea of such a minor yet drastic change in my life. I've always loved Pasadena! I would go out there just to visit and get away. Even my family took the news of the idea of me moving really well! But then I reached the bottom line I started to get concerned that the salary offered wouldn't be enough to make the move feasible.
So at this point, my future is in a bit of limbo. I know what I'm going to ask for salary-wise and if it's God's will then what they are willing to pay will match or be reasonable enough that I could work with it. My friend James is concerned I'm going to settle for less then reasonable and to be honest I'm slightly concerned about doing the same thing myself just because I love the idea of moving to Pasadena so much. I don't want to put all my hope in this job and have it not be a viable solution to me needing a job, and not just a job but one that I believe I would enjoy utterly and completely!
I have had to keep handing it over to God. I keep trying to take it and figure it out. And to be honest there are too many coincidences for me not to see His hand in this. So if it is what God has planned then no matter how much thought I put into trying to figure it out, it doesn't make any impact on the final outcome. I also have to realize that if it's NOT God's will then I can't be too disappointed (which in all honesty I would be).
Goals and Plans - So I have decided (along with continually handing the Pasadena job back over to God) I will keep up the search for work (which can be pretty depressing), and keep going on with life as my unemployed self has been. I have a lot of goals and projects I want to work on and I will say with the concept of being unemployed, I have been a bit of a slacker in doing anything truly productive in a search for a job, or completing projects I have around the house. But the last couple of days and even confirmed in the message at church today, I feel the conviction of getting over this lazy mentality. I'm done procrastinating. I'm going to set goals, make plans and keep a normal routine. I'm not going to put things off any more. I'm going to start getting up a little earlier then I have been, walk, do my devotions, look for work and by then it should be lunch time! So I should have plenty of time to get projects going in the afternoon. Even my brother has plenty of webpage side projects he’s gotten from clients. Now that I’m not working I can complete them quicker then when I’m stuck working nights or weekends on them.
Elaina’s Adoption! 6/11/09 – So Rachel and Tom’s adoption of Rosie finalized FINALLY! It’s been 4 long years and I’m sooo happy for them! I wasn’t going to miss being there for anything! I took some pictures and the whole thing was pretty awesome!
Visiting with D'Arcy 3/16/09 - Facebook has connected me with a lot of my friends from when I lived and went to school in Alaska. One of those friends being D'Arcy who updated her status one day to say she was enjoying her sister’s bakery in California! D’Arcy lives on the East Coast so I immediately asked where she was and we made plans for me to drive down to where she was staying so we could visit! It was awesome chatting about the last 15 years of our lives. I got down there at about 1pm and didn't leave until after 8pm.
Here is a pic of us I believe in 1992 (poor quality) and below that the current picture of us!
Poet Sky at the Old Town Pub in Pasadena 3/21/09 – So I had been looking forward to this show since I was told about it! At least I was until the day arrived. I started my period and was in the general funk of pmsing. I was looking forward to getting out, dressing up and having a night out on the town (a town in which I hope to be working soon)! Yes, I’m sure this is tmi but I was bloated and felt pretty miserable about the idea of going out. The last show I struggled with emotionally for some reason and the fear of that repeating was severe. Luckily I talked to my mom and my sister and all was well! I felt cute despite my monthly nuisance.
I was finally hopeful again that a night out with my brother and sister could be good fun. My friend Brandie’s friends flaked on her last minute and we had an extra spot in our car so we decided to take her along with us. We got there and were early enough to stop off at a small pizzeria for dinner near the pub. It was great. I enjoyed the atmosphere of a Saturday night in Old Town Pasadena! When we arrived at the pub things didn’t change. There was a very cool atmosphere and attitude of everyone that night. I had a blast talking and hanging out. I was enjoying myself the ENTIRE night. The only bummer was that Poet Sky was supposed to go on at 11pm and didn’t end up playing until 1am! And not only that their set was cut short. LAME! Anyways, without further ado, here are some of my favorite pictures! If you want to see more you’ll have to be a friend on facebook or myspace.
I'm in my 3rd week of being unemployed. The week after I got laid off was pretty uneventful. In fact, I don't really remember what all happened. But last week was pretty crazy busy! I've got a lot to share and of course loads of pictures to go along with everything!
February 20th Dinner - So for the 2nd week in a row Andie came over to help me learn how to cook. We made breaded chicken with bowtie pasta, sun dried tomatoes and sauteed asperagus in an alfredo sauce and seriously orgasmic garlic bread. lol
February 21st New Hair / Tango Kilo - I got my hair done by Heidi and it's quite a bit blonder but I love it. My sister was too busy to style it so another girl Randi took some time to curl my hair. I thought it was cute, a bit more curls then I like but I was going out that night so it worked out nicely.
So my friends band, Tango Kilo, was playing at a local dive bar, the Marina Lounge in Spring Valley Lake. My brother and I went. I had a lot of fun! I don't go to too many local shows so I was surprised by how many people I knew. It was a reunion of sorts. I enjoyed hanging out and talking with my brothers friends. My friends Andie and Barbara came as well. It was a late night but I had a great time!
February 22nd Poet Sky @ the Universal Bar & Grill - Well this whole night was odd for me. First of all I look at the pics and realize it was a great night, and I really did have a good time. Though there was another side to that show, my internal emotions were miserable! I struggled and looking back I'm STILL not sure what was up with me that night. If you look at the pics you can't really see it either. But it was a bitter sweet night for me. But check out the rockin pics!
February 23rd LA Meeting - So I drove down to LA for a meeting with the payroll company and it was incredible. I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep because of my brothers show, but I thought I looked presentable considering.
This company was already awesome in my book but the owner took me out to lunch to discuss options to get me a job and I was blown away by how nice he was and how hard he was trying to make it work. The bummer is, without traffic it took me 2 hours to get down there. So we left it as I was going to take a week to think about it. In this week we both came to the conclusion that I'm a great fit for the company if I lived closer. I'm still considering a sales position which would let me stay local for the most part. Just waiting to see what God has for me.
It was rough to try and stay awake because I was so tired. But this is towards the end of the night...
February 24th Pasadena Class / Alliance Crew Lunch / Dinner with Berrys - You got that right! I was non-stop that day. I drove down to Pasadena for aWesPay ACH class that I was already signed up for before I was laid off. It was from 9 - 12:30. The only awkward thing was they recognized me and asked me to stay afterward to explain what took place with Alliance. It wasn't too bad. The person I talked to said he was hearing two stories and wanted to know what the correct one was. I told him about having troubles looking for a job and he introduced me to someone who then asked me to email her my resume and she would pass it around. So that was cool! And I ran into another lady I met back in August when I went to the conference in Vegas. She also had me email her my resume. So it was a good networking venture.
Alliance Lunch - After the class I drove to Rancho Cucamonga to Wahoo's where I was gonna meet a bunch of the crew. I was actually really happy to see everyone. And it made me realize how much I missed seeing them every day. Here's a picture of the group that made it.
Dinner with the Berrys - I hadn't hung out with my friend David in a while so I had arranged for us to meet for dinner since I was going to be down there. He sadly was laid off by linkLINE, yet again, because of the Alliance fiasco. Apparently linkLINE couldn't afford the lack of income that Alliance paid them for their servers etc. Anyways, it was great to see the kiddos before me, David and Erin went out to dinner. Their kids are getting sooo big! Here's a pic of the group of us.
More Updates - I have a lot more to share but I'm out of time. I'll post something in the next couple of days.
To Share: Dinner Party - February 27th Megan's Birthday - March 1st Visitor from Africa - February 28th - March 5th A Chair's Photography - February 28th New Glasses Possible new job with big changes
For those of you curious as to what happened with my job, I will explain but let me start by sharing an awesome poem Eric wrote about it. I will go into more detail below.
Eric's Poem - Read with the timing of "The Night Before Christmas". This was written February 5th, 2009 the day after Alliance's bank terminated our services.
The Night Before We Were Cancelled by Eric R. Gavin
Twas only just yesterday, when all through this place It was business as usual, not a single sad face Kaycee was working, her keyboard a blazing Margarita was cooking and it smelled amazing
Tony unboxed some shiny new gizmo Charity was giggling as she so often does so Hector was reading, researching and looking That strange burning smell meant Mike Ross' lunch was cooking
Eric was typing at lightning fast speeds Tina put a third coat on, so she wouldn't freeze With Josh dressed in black, and Darla in pink We opened our E-mails, to see what's the stink!?
Even Jody was shocked, and she's seen it all But Stephanie had to answer another phone call Jena sensed danger, she's exceptionally wise Mike Roth saw that terrified look in Eric's eyes
We all gathered round, the letter held high We had just been cancelled by our O D F I All Alliance was silent, you could hear a pin drop Nobody was talking, even Eric had stopped
What does this mean, all of us then inquired Are we keeping our jobs, are we gonna get fired? When all of a sudden the answer came clear The bank gave response and what did we hear!?
No debits, no credits, no transactions we'll send We're holding your money, yes this is the end That was all there was, no questions no fuss... They said, "All of your monies are belong to us."
So to every one listening, to all of my friends It's been an honor to work with you up to the end No job has been cooler, no place felt so right To all at Alliance, to all a goodnight.
The Story Behind Being Laid Off - Remember how my last post I talked about Hell Week. I said I didn't think it could get worse if I recall correctly... Sadly it did. It was a whirlwind to the end though. We did our best but it all came to a sad end last Friday, February 13th, 2009. I'm not sure what to explain, or if explaining is really all that important. Just that the last week and a half of my employment were some of the toughest in my history at Alliance.
Just imagine this... We debited clients on Tuesday (February 3rd), we had credits scheduled to go out on Wednesday (February 4th)... BUT the bank stopped processing for us, AND put all the money in the account on hold! This didn't just affect a certain portion of our clients, but ALL of them! Can you imagine the calls we got!? We were frantically trying to figure out how our clients could get their money back. The bank wasn't much help to us. Most of the clients were understanding but extremely frustrated. I only dealt with a few belligerent merchants. I heard a couple death threats for the owner. We don't have a lot of local clients or we may have had some show up at our door. It was just non-stop.
The moment I heard the bank terminted Alliance's services I went back to my desk and went to biblegateway.com and the scripture of the day was
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.
Which I repeated to myself every time I felt overwhelmed.
The day after the bank terminted our services, all the girls in support came in at 6am - 6pm so we could field all the calls. We knew it was going to be chaos. It was a LONG day. Friday was just as bad. I prayed every day walking in to work that God would give me the strength to deal with what lied ahead for that day. Every day was an emotional rollercoaster, a possibility of making it through, then not, new hope, then not. This continued through Wednesday (February 11th) of the following week . I went out to lunch with my coworker, Mike(#2), and came back to find out that the other girls in support were being laid off and that the salary employees were going to stick it out till Friday and hope that by then the company had a leg to stand on.
Thursday (February 12th) I woke up with a heavy heart, to the point of it choking me. I called my parents for prayer and they gave me the support I needed. During my dads prayer a song came into my mind which I repeated until the heaviness lifted.
Be strong & courageous, for the Lord my God is with me. Do not be afraid, do not be dismayed. I'm going to walk in faith and victory!
As you all know, Alliance never got that leg to stand on and I was laid off on Friday. I am not afraid or dismayed. I still walk in faith and victory.
Here are just a couple of the pics with me and my ex-coworkers - now friends that I will miss seeing every work day... I didn't get pics with everyone because as you can imagine most people weren't up for pics.
Aftermath - I've been oddly calm about this whole thing. I feel slightly numb. I haven't cried and I don't think I will. I remember with linkLINE I was devastated about being laid off from my job, I was an emotional wreck. I know my walk with God is much different then it was then. I'm thankful to have this peace in knowing God has a plan and a good future. There are moments I've stressed about finances, and as quickly as the stress hits me, it goes away knowing God is in control.
Jobs - Looking out there, the economy sucks for finding work right now. But I have thankfully had a couple job offers. One is not ready quite yet, the other, is a drive to the heart of LA. The commute would be a killer. It's for a payroll client I always enjoyed working with at Alliance. I'm meeting with the owner Monday to see if a job is even feasible with the commute I'd have to deal with. I'm not making any decisions. I'm keeping an open mind and praying that God will show me what He wants me to do. I'll keep you updated.
This Weekend (Cooking, Tango Kilo and Poet Sky) - In the meantime life continues. I'm actually having a lot of fun. Last weekend the band came over to practice two days in a row for their show this coming weekend. I had a good time with the guys. Here are a couple shots from them hangin out and practicing...
At some point during the weekend my brother mentioned my new plan to cook every Friday night with my friend Andie. (She knows I don't know how to cook and figured since I'm in my 30's its about time I learn. haha!) So Chris plans on joining us! If he actually does it should be quite entertaining. Saturday my sister is going to do my hair and my friend Dave's band, Tango Kilo, in playing at the Marina Lounge, which is the first local show they've had in a while. So my brother and I are going to that. Sunday my brothers band, Poet Sky, is playing down at Universal Bar and Grill so I'm going down with him to that.
I hope to visit some of the Alliance crew Tuesday. So hopefully I'll have more pictures to share for that.
She stared at the office door… Took a deep breath and forced a smile on her face before swiping her security badge. She chuckled to herself at the pathetic attempt to fake enthusiasm and almost couldn’t bring herself to push the door open. Another deep breath as the door swung open into “hell“. Immediately she felt the stare, more like glare, of her supervisor. Attempting a smile which turned out to be more like a smirk, said good morning, suddenly regretting the decision to come into work a little late since she stayed so late the night before. There was tension in the air. Chaos really. The busy hum of everyone running around frantic. She tried to listen to the conversations of her coworkers, to see if she could make out what all was going on. Finally she stopped one of them to ask them what happened only to find out everyone had been called in early to help with the “situation“…
This is what happened when I walked into work Friday morning. In fact, I was having such a rough morning on the way into work I put in worship music to try to help my attitude. Looking back I think it was God’s way of preparing me for what lied ahead.
I struggled to give over my heart to Him as I worshipped on the way to work. I listened to the words of the worship songs and hoped that my attitude would truly reflect the words that were sung. I finally stopped and asked just that, to change my heart, I knew it was a decision, and it took action. I tried smiling, sure it was strained but eventually it would turn into a genuine smile, it had to. I pulled into my parking spot at work and leaned my head back against my seat staring at the roof of my car. A song then came on… “Draw Me Close to You”
Draw me close to you Never let me go I lay it all down again To hear you say that I'm your friend
Help me find a way to bring me back to you
[Chorus:] You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed You're all I want, Help me know you are near
You are my desire No one else will do Cause no one else Can take you place To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find a way to bring me back to you
[Chorus:] You're all I want, You're all I've ever needed You're all I want, Help me know you are near
Phrases like “ help me find a way to bring me back to you”, “ Help me know you are near”, “you are my desire” all were truth. I waited till the song was over before getting out of my car. I took a deep breath and said to myself that I could do it, I’d make it through the day, that things wouldn’t always stay like this at work… This is all before the description of what took place in the first paragraph! Tell me that wasn’t designed by God. Can you imagine if I hadn’t taken the time to cry out to God, how I would have handled walking into hell that morning? As it was I was almost immediately overwhelmed by the wave of tension that hit me when the door to my office opened. The phrase “help me know that you are near” repeated in my mind as I walked to my desk to face whatever catastrophe that we were faced with at work. For a moment I questioned God but almost moments after the questions I realized that He had given me strength to face this day.
I had a payroll training class to conduct. It was a special request from a new merchant to be trained on Friday rather then the normal days payroll training is done. I was concerned it would have to be cancelled with all the chaos but my supervisor expected me to go ahead as planned. I felt bad but the glare I had received earlier had softened. My supervisor hadn’t gone home from the day before. After the shock of learning the events that took place to cause the confusion and chaos in the office I was told I wasn’t called to come in early just because of how far away I live and they knew I would be there eventually. I felt horrible but luckily was not made to feel it by anyone in the office.
I was given a huge blessing, I was able to walk away from the chaos, shut myself into the conference room to conduct the training class for two hours with three of the brightest, friendliest people I’ve ever had to work with in training! I felt Gods hand in everything I dealt with throughout the day in the same magnitude. My coworkers complained of dealing with rude, aggressive merchants out for blood. And everyone I worked with, even in regards to the drama were all very pleasant and understanding. I couldn’t help but *know* He was near.
Big Mouth Strikes Again - So I just got home from a nice evening out with a couple of my coworkers. It was a lot of fun and yet I left feeling like the title of this blog… “Big Mouth Strikes Again” Why oh why couldn’t I be the quiet type? Keep my mouth shut at the appropriate times. I just got done reading Pride & Prejudice again (great book!) and this morning I thought to myself… Am I Lydia Bennett the foolish, flirty younger sister, or am I Elizabeth Bennett the endearing, good humored girl that everyone likes? I have decided I’m a bit of both… But there are times, like tonight, where I feel solely like Lydia.
Anyways, I left tonight frustrated that I said too much. And oddly one of the people I was with is a self proclaimed big mouth as well. He said some things that made me annoyed with myself. Something came out of my mouth and as soon as it did I realized, oh crap, why did I say that? Why did I just confess that out loud to these two people? Part of me doesn’t have an issue with honesty. I have learned to deal with personal matters head on, specifically back in elementary school when I was forced to address a situation face to face rather then try to pretend that it didn’t exist. I believe the outcome to this one particular past event made me handle most awkward moments with honesty, especially when it comes to my feelings of romantic interests. Maybe a bit more honesty then is healthy to profess. And in most moments I realize, some people respect forbearance, people who can keep their secrets to themselves, and there are others that admire openness and vulnerability. I have noticed I admire people who can keep thoughts to themselves. I guess part of me longs to be that way myself. Another part knows that’s just not who I am. And if people have an issue with it, that’s there problem.
I’m afraid of giving the impression that the people I was with tonight made me feel guilty for being open. This is not the case. I just sometimes am more sensitive to my big mouth. I regret saying some of the things I said. In regards to myself I mostly do not mind, it was in regards to someone else that the guilt festers. Maybe that’s my biggest issue. I shared some things that I probably shouldn’t have taken the liberty of sharing. Alas, what’s done is done. What’s said has been said.
Blah!
I sometimes wonder what my friends think of me. Do they overlook my sometimes poor decorum? Do they think, ah that’s just Charity running with her mouth again? (Dear Lord, I hope with everything in me that has never been thought or said of me, but sadly I cannot say there is no chance that it has or will be.) I guess they wouldn’t be very good friends if they didn’t overlook my flaws. I love my friends, poor judgments and all! I sometimes wonder if my boisterous personality is part of the reason I have yet to stay in a relationship for very long. Is that honesty and openness not enough of a challenge for them that they lose interest so easily? I’m not much of a mystery. I envy those people who aren’t an open book like I tend to be. Anyways lets not make this about boys, these are just some of my thoughts.
More whining about sickness - I am tired. I’m ready for bed. Last night was a long night! I haven’t been feeling very well the last couple of weeks, as my blogs have confessed. I’m actually very tired of being sick. This weekend was no exception. I was still fighting my cold. I found myself dragging Saturday morning. My stomach touchy that night when I went out to dinner with some of the old linkLINE crew. It was so awesome to hang out with those guys again! (random blurb)I will say this for linkLINE, some really good friendships came out of it. I was hesitant to become friends with anyone at Alliance for the longest time because of the pain of losing my job at linkLINE. But since have discovered some great friends at Alliance as well. Though I’m not sure if the friendships are such that if I were to lose my job tomorrow we’d still get together. But who really knows until it happens right? (/random blurb)
Anyways, Sunday after church I really just wasn’t feeling up to par. I laid in bed most of the day reading. That evening though my stomach decided it wasn’t happy with me. I knew something was wrong and sure enough maybe a half an hour later … I threw up. I haven’t thrown up like that since my elementary school years! It was crazy. Yes, I’m aware this is probably TMI. I just couldn’t believe it. It was funny I actually looked up from the sink and was cognizant of the fact that my face really did look green.
My eyes are closing on me. Guess that’s a good sign it’s time to crawl into bed.
Being sick blows! I've lost my voice. It started yesterday morning and kept getting worse. This morning I was like a squeaker that lost its squeak randomly when you squeezed it. It's crazy. Everyone I talk to is surprised by how bad I sound. I felt like crap this morning. I was up getting ready for work. I had an early morning Payroll Training class that I was supposed to conduct. With my voice I knew there was no way I was going to be able to do it. I thought I'd try to at least go to work. But after getting ready I thought for sure I was going to pass out. It sucks! I slept for a few hours and am feeling better but my voice is still not functioning. I'm surprised every time I try and talk at the sound, or lack there of, coming out of my mouth.
Anyways, I'm bored to death. I don't have enough energy to do anything productive. I've watched everything I could want to watch and then some. I'm not sure what to do with myself. I figured I could finally blog an update on what's going on in my life. But thinking about it, lately it's been work and being sick. Nothing else is really going on. I bought the Twilight series and had it delivered to my work and sadly they arrived yesterday after I left. Right now, a good book sounds like a nice distraction. The weather is nice and cloudy. Perfect for curling up on the couch with a good book. I guess I can go find something in my library to pick up again. I've been in the mood to reread Pride & Prejudice. I guess I can start that.
I've been on kind of a downer with my photography since I dropped my camera at the OURS show in December. My camera has worked ok ever since but there are obvious signs something’s wrong. And since I can't really afford to buy a whole new camera I've been avoiding taking it in to see what the real damage is. I know if I go and find that its just the lens then I would be thrilled. But when something makes me scared I tend to procrastinate until I can't procrastinate anymore. The bummer is, I would never feel comfortable taking my camera out on a paying shoot. So I need to take care of it.
Anyways, I'm going to go enjoy some quiet time. Hopefully my voice will be back for work tomorrow.
This so isn't fair... I was sick... goodness, like a week or two ago and this morning I woke up to yet another cold! what da eff?! And I'm someone that rarely gets sick. What sucks is that it's been like 80 degrees down in Ontario all last week and it's like 20 degrees cooler up in the desert. Hmmm no wonder I'm sick. My body isn't able to adjust to the extremes. I don't look forward to driving down the pass tomorrow with an already stuffed up head. That's the worst! And to top off having a cold, I was totally nauseous all day! I have no idea why. I started to feel better when I got some food in me but my stomach has been touchy even through the evening. Bleh!
Anyways, there have been lots of good things going on since my last blog post. It’s hard for me to take the time to go over it now. But I will say this. Thank you to those of you who responded to the post before via one medium or another. I'm doing MUCH better. God showed me a lot this last week and confirmed it over this extended weekend.
But because of the time I'm gonna post some pics of my AAP Celebration outing.
Kaycee and Stephanie
Jena and Margarita
Jena, me and Tina (with Eric trying to sneak in looking oh so macho in the back)
Mike, Cindy, Eric and Mike #2 aka Tom
Jody, me and Mike
Me and my brother Brian
I love this pic! Mike, me and Keith lol
Sheri, me and Hector
Brian and Andie
Keith, Andie and Mike (look how short she looks next to them lol) waiting to go in for bowling
Mike and me at the bowling ally
The group that went bowling - Mike, Crystal, Andie, Sheri and Keith
Last night I finally went out for my AAP Certification Celebration. :) I had a blast! Of course, who wouldn't when the entire night is centered around their accomplishment! haha! Honestly I just figured it was a good excuse to go out with coworkers and enjoy them outside of the office. :) It was pretty awesome, but more about the night later.
On a fairly personal note, this week I went through a little patch of discouragement. Feeling farther from God then I've been in a long time, I felt like I was falling away and even worse, didn't care to fight to get back on track. I shared this with my mom, who was supportive and awesome as usual. It was tough.
I realize lately that my better friends aren't very good examples of what a Christ-like walk is, and the friends that are good examples I've pulled away from, tired of their seeming self-righteous judgments. Now, looking back, part of me wonders if they were self-righteous at all or was it just my own personal guilt that made me feel judged. I'm not sure.
I have a lot of non-Christian friends. Lately they have been the friends I lean on most. With that though, their perspectives are quite different then mine. Usually their views and beliefs don't impact me. But in a way, I felt like my perspective about right and wrong was being tainted (for lack of a better word).
But that being said, it was a non-Christian friend that helped me snap out of this desire to turn away from trying to walk the Christ-like walk. It was a simple statement which I'm not going to share but it changed my perspective from despair to encouragement. I had mentioned my lack of interest in doing what was right and wishing I could be fully selfish and live my own life following after things that aren't centered around God but around my desires. He stated more then asked the question of allowing myself to be influenced by my non-Christian friends. I have to admit that yes, sometimes I do let my friends influence me more then they should.
It wasn't until later on in the day that I noticed our chat had impacted my view of the situation. I no longer felt that the decision to turn around was so far off. And in fact, I think the decision was made as soon as we had the chat.
The thing is, I'm not perfect, I can't expect perfection. Yes, striving for perfection is all God asks of us. So, I'm striving. I will stumble. I will stop. I will sit down. I will wander. But I will always go back. Why? Because there is no question of what I believe. I love the Lord with all my heart. I want HIS will for my life, not my own.
Once the decision was made, I didn't feel like there was so much pressure to do the right thing. Interesting huh? Like I was so worried that my choices were impacting my very future that I was feeling overwhelmed and didn't want to have to make decisions. When I realized that no matter what, God would work things out for the good of those that love Him, then even if I stumble, stop, sit down, or wander it would always be worked out. Sure there may be consequences.
This song "The Worst Things Beautiful" by OURS just came on and it's quite fitting for this part of my post.
So I'll wake every moment, wake with the sun Were the worst things always the first things to come? Find a way to move on and a way to be strong Cause somethings do change, well somethings come and Made the worsts things beautiful
Wait... till the morning comes around Wait... for something beautiful Wait ...see if worry turns around Wait....please wait
So sometimes the worst things can be made into beautiful things. Enough venting... I think that's it for this post. :)
First I must say Happy Birthday to my beautiful niece Amber!!! She makes me feel old! lol
So my standard Friday night "date" ditched me. Had better plans I guess. pfft. ;) haha Just kidding. She had a friends birthday party and invited me to go but I decided with the busy weekend ahead of me I needed the downtime. I'm getting better at making "me" time. I'm watching Harry Potter in the background and veggin in the living room. Mike is over helping Heidi and my brother Brian has spent his Thanksgiving in Argentina so I have to place to myself.
My Thanksgiving was a blast! My first turkey turned out great! My family and Brandie gave me an "A". lol I had so much fun playing hostess to my family for Thanksgiving. My friend Brandie came over too. It was a really nice day overall. Everyone was in obliging, upbeat moods. I got up early to make sure the house was clean and ready to go for my family. I took lots of pictures. Everyone laughed as I took pictures of my first turkey. Maybe I'll post a couple of them. :) I'm thoroughly enjoying my nice clean house right now!
My Future Home - It's amazing how much you appreciate a place when you know you're going to be leaving it soon. I've always loved this house. It's taken me too long to get truly settled only to find out at the end of the lease (which is at the end of May) my brother wants to move. So where does this leave me? Honestly I've spent a couple weeks trying to weigh my options. I could try to make it out on my own but my finances are such that I wouldn't feel comfortable doing that until my debt is paid off.
My mom is anxious to have me move back in with her. She knows this is something I don't necessarily *want* to do so she's offered to have me stay with them for a cheap rate so I can pay off my debt faster and then move out on my own after maybe 6 months or so. The rate that they will charge me for a room is almost too good to pass up. But I struggle with the idea of living with my parents again. I love my parents, and we get along fine but I've enjoyed being out on my own.
It's a few months away so we'll see how things work out. But this just makes me more determined to host a party/bbq of some sort at this place before it's moving time. Maybe within the first couple of months into the new year.
New Years Resolutions (perhaps a month early) - Speaking of the new year. I've been thinking a lot about New Years Resolutions. It seems that I've already come to some resolutions. And as cliché as they may sound I'm more determined then ever. One being my finances. Taking control of my debt and focusing on paying it off. The other is getting back on track with losing weight. Life has been so chaotic that I've stopped any routine of exercise and I've noticed the difference.
Compliance Specialist - My new title at work! I got a promotion! All that studying paid off! (Still no letter letting me know if I'm certified or not.) I'm really excited about this new role. I have a lot to clean up and catch up on but I'm looking forward to the challenge. It'll be interesting not having to deal with the daily queue, not having to close! That will be wonderful! Though I have to wait till the new girl is trained before I can change my schedule, but still... It won't be long. I'm very excited.
Tomorrow - I have to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to get my oil changed. I want it out of the way. And I've promised a family that I would feed their cats this weekend so I'm going to do that in the morning after that. My dad has promised to come over and help with the last couple items I wanted put up in my room and some other odds and ends. I have a family portrait to take late tomorrow afternoon, then feed the cats again. And since my "date" ditched me tonight she's gonna come hang out tomorrow night. lol
Vacation - So I finally get my vacation! I have to work Monday but my vacation is from the 2nd through the 8th. I plan on taking a couple days and going down to my timeshare in Anaheim. I'm definitely going to Disneyland. I was joking with Heidi and Mike with that cheesy Disneyland commercial... "Charity, you just got a promotion! What are you going to do now?!.... I'm going to Disneyland!!!" lol Andie is gonna come with since she's never been to California Adventures! Craziness! I am going to go see OURS at the Roxy with my friend Jimi on Saturday the 6th. Other then that I plan on vegging. I'm sure my time will fill up quickly.
Anyways, if I have to be up to get my oil changed I should probably head to bed. Maybe I'll upload some pictures tomorrow or Sunday if I have time. Oh and thanks to everyone who sent me text messages wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all had a great one yourselves.
I'm thinking it's about time for an update. So much is going on as usual, which means I have no clue where to begin.
Thanksgiving - I'm waiting for my dough to set so I can bake the rest of my cookies. I'm making my very first turkey this Thanksgiving! My parents asked if we could do thanksgiving at my place since they are still getting settled into theirs. I told them no problem and this was as good a time as any to learn how to make a turkey. :) My dad is coming over tomorrow night to help me with the stuffing and prep work (which means I need to get stuff done tonight so it's ready for him tomorrow). He made me promise to have a batch of cookies waiting for him and only him. lol
Twilight - Ok so I have to come clean... I'm an addict. I can't get enough. I love Twilight. I love Edward (not necessarily Rob Pattison but the character). I couldn't wait for the movie. I went to the midnight showing and then again the next day for a friends birthday outing. I loved, loved, LOVED it! I thought the movie was awesome. They did a great job of keeping close to the book (though only a handful of my friends were dissapointed, most felt the same as me) it was an excellent representation of the book and I can't wait to see more! I hear they have the go ahead to make the next movie and I'm really excited! I plan on rereading the series. The books are excellent. I only hope Stephanie Meyer will change her mind about not finishing "Midnight Sun" (which is the first book from Edwards perspective). Yeah you could say I'm a fanatic, twilight geek, whatever. :)
Work - So I have yet to get my letter letting me know whether or not I'm a certified AAP. I'm supposed to hear by the end of the month so I'm trying to be patient in waiting. Work has been a bit hectic and crazy for me. Mostly in a good way. I've had a lot of added tasks, giving me something new and challenging which I've been enjoying. I am looking forward to getting it all organized and under control. But for now my days flash by me.
This last week has been full of emotional ups and downs. Granted, I am pmsing. But just lots of stuff going on in my life. I have a lot to consider in the coming months. I would share but it's getting late and I should get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long and busy day!
Anyways, the night has passed, my movie (Narnia) just ended, the cookies are packed away and I'm debating on whether to put the bread for the stuffing in the oven to dry out rather then on the counters.
I was just emailing my friend Matt and got some clarity to my mood. It might be tacky to post part of my email to him but it just came out right... "Anyways right now I'm struggling. Not sure what emotions I'm feeling. Tension. Moodiness. I'm a little pissy and I'm not sure why. I have no good reason to be. So I'm reading a book. Getting away from my thoughts. Avoiding reality. Maybe its post-passing-blues hehe I've spent so long studying that now I'm on the downer side of it all. Still haven't seen the raise, or the promotion so it's kind of like all that work for nothing. Hm..."
Tonight I couldn't do anything... Watching tv couldn't hold my interest. Myspace or Facebook couldn't hold my interest. The only thing that's made me smile is my book "Twilight". I've read the entire series but I'm trying to reread the first book before the movie comes out in a week and a half.
I will say that having my parents staying at my place hasn't been bad at all. I've been spoiled with good food. Though I hadn't realized how much I utilize my office. And as much as there have been minor inconveniences this whole experience has been pretty stress free. Tomorrow since I'm off my dad is going to help me put up some stuff. I unpacked a few of the pictures I kept in boxes. I'm looking forward to getting stuff up. They are officially moving out this Saturday. I will be glad to get life back to some form of a normal pattern.
Anyways, that's all for now... I'll give more of an update when I'm in a better mood.
I wasn't too sure I'd blog even after I was done with my AAP exam. But here I am... Oh and I'm now no longer a blond! I would say I'm a brunette but it has quite a bit of red to it too! So far people either love it or think I make a better blond. No one has said they hate it. I will gradually go back to blond but it's nice for a change.
Poet Sky 10/11/08 - So I took some pics of Poet Sky. It was seriously a 10 minute shoot and I thought the shots turned out pretty good. And it helps that the guys in the band are all good looking.
AAP Exam 10/29/08 - So... Short Version - I'm happy to say that I passed my AAP exam!!!!!
(Long Version) It's an "unofficial pass" though. So I'm not exactly sure what that means. I've narrowed it down to a few options.
This is the first time they've done electronic testing so they may say its unofficial just in case there is a computer error and they can confirm everything processed correctly.
The certification is handed out based on how many applicants pass, and if there are a lot then they pick the top scoring applicants.
They just want to make us sweat it out till we get the official certificate in the mail! lol
No clue which is the right answer. I was told they *may* be grading on a curve. So if that's the case then idea 2 is most likely the answer. So I won't know if I'm AAP Certified until the end of November. But my goal was to pass the test and I did that! A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders! This test has been looming over my head for the last 5 months and has been in the forefront of my mind for the last month! I have no idea what to do with myself! No constant nagging of how I should be studying, doing flash cards, taking practice tests or reading. I can go home and veg GUILT FREE!
I've had so many people praying over this test and my confidence would waver back and forth on whether or not I could do this. I decided my best bet was to worship all the way down to the test so I could keep my mind off of it and on God. And it helped, every time I wasn't fully submersed in worship my stomach was in knots. I knew God has brought me this far, I had so many people praying for me and I truly had done all I could to study to the best of my ability so I felt there was nothing more to do then just sit down and take the test.
Anyways, the day of the test I got there WAY early. The testing center was in Riverside. I sat at the computer station and read the first question and went into panic mode. I took a deep breath and said another quick prayer for God's help. The test was completely different then I expected. I had been given warnings that it was a tough test and that they word things in such a way as to trick you (or I should say make sure you truly understand the concept of ACH payments). But I was shocked at how seriously close each answer was! I went through each question answering to the best of my understanding, marking the ones I wasn't confident about (which was like half the test!). Once I completed all 120 questions (20 of which are pilot questions that wouldn't be scored) I went back through the ones I marked being sure to read the question very carefully. I was happy I went back through because as I took the test I got more comfortable with the type of questioning and wording and I picked up on things when I went back through. I kept most of the same answers but a couple I knew without a shadow of a doubt I needed to change my answer. The test took me 2 hours and 15 minutes.
I went out and waited for them to print my results and honestly I wasn't sure what to expect. I really was waiting to hear I had failed and that I would have to explain to my work that I didn't pass. But the girl said congratulations, you passed. I practically fainted! No joke... I got weak and a bit teary eyed. I've wanted this so much. I've focused all my energies on this for so long I was in shock that it was over and I got a great outcome to all my hard work.
I immediately went outside with a HUGE grin on my face and called my supervisor to tell her the good news. She said she knew I could do it and congratulated me. I made all the necessary calls and text messages on my way back to the office.
Here's the coolest part! So I walk in to my office. I wasn't sure what to expect but I said hello and walked to my cubicle where I was greeted by my entire department jumping out at me yelling "Congratulations!" with streamer poppers flying at me, camera taking a picture of my reaction! I was shocked! They even had a banner congratulating me and decorated my desk with candy and little streamers. There was a card signed by the entire office! I was in shock! I felt so completely and utterly special! I mean seriously!? How awesome is that to have happen!? I'm gonna remember that one for a long time! :) Here are a couple snapshots from my cell... I am patiently waiting for Tina to send me the pics she took from her camera.
Wedding Shoot - So I have a wedding shoot tomorrow! The CEO of Alliance is getting married and asked me to take the pics! It's a paying gig too. I'm really excited and nervous at the same time. It's at Thatcher Manor in Perris Ca. Sadly it looks like it might rain tomorrow. So pictures should be fun! (Um... yeah) But the place is rather pretty so I'm hoping the weather cooperates!
Thursday 10/30/08 - I had to open so I was up at 4am to leave my house by 5am to be at work at 6am. The day was busy. I got off work at 3pm and had to grab some food on my way to the rehearsal. I got there an hour early but asked if I could come in and get the layout of the place for photo ideas.
Here are a few of the pictures I took.
Here are a couple pictures of the happy couple
I was thrilled I was done so early. I called my friend Ludek on my way home. He is so awesome. He's lending me all his fancy camera equipment so I can get the best possible shots for the wedding tomorrow! He has my same camera model so I am able to use his external flash and gigantore lens! I was so happy when he said he had no issues with me using it. He's such a generous person. I'm thankful for his friendship.
I was heading home sooner then I expected so I stopped by my friend Andie's house to come up with a last minute costume for the Halloween Potluck at work. I got home at about 8:30 and started baking cookies till 11:00pm when I finally decided it was time to crash.
At the Moment - As I'm typing this there was a sudden downpour of rain. And I really do love the smell of rain! And my mom just overloaded me with some sugar. Bleh! My parents and sister are staying with me for the next week (possibly two). They had to be out of their place yesterday and the new place they are renting isn't available until the 5th at the earliest. So right now my parents are staying in my brother’s office. My sister is sleeping in my office. She wasn't supposed to have her kids this week but her ex-husband had an emergency with his other son. Derrek is in the hospital. It seems so strange that he's no longer part of my family. So for the night Bailey slept on my couch in the living room and Megan stayed with her other Grandma. My brother Brian has conveniently stayed out of the house during this entire transition.
A benefit to having my parents staying with me is that my mom is a fantastic cook! I'll get awesome home cooked meals for the first time in ages! And my dad has always been so willing to help me put stuff up. And one of the things I've neglected since moving into this new place is actually putting up all my decorations! My dad said he'd be happy to help but I'm not going to bug him this weekend. He's been through enough in having to deal with a transition placement at my house! I really do feel bad that my parents have to go through all this at their age.
Alliance Halloween Potluck - This potluck was a lot of fun. I'm not sure if it's because we actually took time to sit and talk and enjoy the conversation or what. Normally it feels so awkward, but I enjoyed myself.
Here are a couple pictures of the day. :)
Life after the AAP Exam - I need a vacation. I've spent so many months focusing all my extra energies on studying. Work has been a bit crazy because we're understaffed and I have had added responsibilities. Which has been cool but it's made every day at work a non-stop chaotic environment for me, just trying to fit it all into a routine and get everything done in a timely manner on a daily basis. It's always been a laid back job so it's not like I can't get over it. But yesterday after the potluck I started to lose it. I felt like if I didn't get peace and quiet I would scream! I think it's just that I've been telling myself... As soon as the test was over I would have time for myself and that hasn't happened. I've been almost MORE busy, taking pictures of Paul's rehearsal, baking cookies for a potluck, planning a costume, meeting up with Ludek to grab his equipment, helping my parents move and get situated, and then dealing with the concerns of taking good pictures for Paul's wedding! If it wasn't for my completely lazy day today (which hasn't been fully lazy as I have company) I think I would just want to shut down. I emailed my supervisor on my way out of work Friday and asked her to consider allowing me to take some time off. With the lack of help I know it's going to be difficult but I'm finding it difficult to concentrate and get things done.
And who knows, maybe all I needed was a day like today. A bit lazy and somewhat quiet (definitely not used to kids being in the house! haha My niece is running back and forth outside my room window playing with the dogs, not that it's bothering me, its just not ... quiet). I think of how my parents must feel though, living in limbo for a week or so and how annoying and uncomfortable that must be for them. I have NOTHING to complain about. So I'm trying to be as obliging as I can for their sakes.
Anyways, it’s taken me longer to add pictures to this post then I thought and I want to go help my mom with dinner. I know this is an extensive update. But hey, it’s been a month! What do you expect from the blogging addict? Bye for now…
It's Sunday and I really thought I was going to have a relaxing day ahead of me but I've been wrong. I've been on the go since this morning.
I was supposed to be at church at 9:15 and didn't get there till 9:45. I was in charge of the video overheads and Brandie was dedicating little Lexi and I of course took pictures of that! :) After church I planned on taking it easy but I had to get laundry done. Then my sister mentioned something about my nephews birthday party. There is a family one tomorrow but this was the one for him and his friends. I decided to go and take some pictures. It was kind of fun. :) It lasted a little longer then I expected so I decided to head home. On my way I got a call from my friend Leonard who I've been trying to meet up for dinner with him and his wife for the last couple of weeks. So they are taking me out for my birthday tonight.
The band is over so the house is quite loud. But I've cleaned up most of my room and have a pile of stuff to get through of all my AAP papers from the Vegas trip. Brandie is on her way over because Lexi left one of her favorite teething rings at church.
Brian also needs me to read through his paper. He's a bit nervous about it. He's struggled all weekend to focus enough to write it. He wants me to make sure its coherent.
Monday is Bailey's family birthday party. Wednesday I'm going to the Hollywood Bowl for a concert with Jimi. I'm looking forward to that.
So I'm gonna go stick my nose in a book for the hour and a half I have before I meet my friends for dinner...
Fender Bender - So I got into an accident this morning. Luckily the damage was minimal and to my car only. I met Mike at Starbucks this morning and was backing out. There was a delivery truck in my way so I was being careful to not back into it. Sadly this girl was on the side I wasn't watching as carefully. I barely bumped her but she was a total bitch about it. I guess she honked but I wasn't able to hear her because of my music. And honestly it wasn't that loud! But I felt horrible. I looked and her car was perfectly fine. I saw a slight scratch on mine but she said she could feel something fold so she checked her entire front end. She was exasperated! It ended up that my bumper got pushed out of place. I was totally shaky. She wasn't very nice about it even when she realized I had the only damage. I pulled back into my spot and Mike checked it out. He knew it was something he could push back into place. Mike agreed the lady was a little oddly pissed off considering I had the damage. I felt a little better but honestly this was the first accident I had gotten into in YEARS (I got into one a year or so after I got my license but it was the other guys fault) and this was the ONLY one that was my fault! I think that's what made it so hard to let go. I knew I looked from all angles before backing up but I was so cautious about that delivery truck and the idea that I couldn't hear her honking really bothered me. So it took me a few hours to let it go.
Anyways there's a lot to share! So I will probably just give quick updates.
My Birthday - My birthday was pretty awesome! On the actual day I was so surprised at how many people made an effort to wish me Happy Birthday. :) I felt totally special! I went to work and after work went to my parents for a special birthday dinner.
Saturday, September 6th BootieLA- I went out to dinner at Red Robin with my sister and Andie. Rachel sadly couldn't make it because she was sick... I mean REALLY sick. I felt so bad. And I was bummed she wouldn't be apart of my birthday celebrations like she has been pretty much since we became friends in Jr High. After dinner we drove down to pick up Russ and made our way to Echoplex for BootieLA. Yet again I had an absolute blast! I love that event! I will be going again soon!
AAP Conference in Vegas September 8th - 11th - This was my first business trip and I was oddly nervous about it. But it was actually A LOT of fun! We got to Vegas at about 5pm and my friend Debbie met up with us and we went to dinner. After dinner Debbie and I decided to go hang out and catch up.
Tuesday I was able to sleep in a little since my first class didn't start till noon. I was one of the only people in my class taking the AAP test this year and so the teacher called on me a lot. I was happy to say I knew all but one question he directly asked me. After the class they had a reception dinner. It was interesting to be able to talk to people who have taken the test. I felt more comfortable. After the reception dinner I called Debbie to come meet up with me again and we just hung out at the hotel. We ended up hanging out at Toby Keith's bar in the hotel. It was pretty rowdy and they had a band playing country music, and normally I would say that wasn't my thing, but I was highly entertained by it all.
Wednesday was my long day in classes. It was a lot of information but I was able to talk to more people about the AAP test during our breaks and in one session we broke into discussion groups and at lunch one of the people in my discussion group said I seemed knowledgeable! lol that made me feel pretty good. :) And the end of the day I just wanted to get out of there. My brain was fried. I went to dinner with Jody and my friend Armando met me at the hotel at about 9 and we went out to bowling and then to Freemont Street. He kept asking if I'd done different Vegas things, most of them I hadn't. He was bummed we hadn't been able to hang out before that night but that's how it worked out.
Thursday I was able to sleep in a little because my teleseminar didn't start until 10am. I had to be packed before the teleseminar because as soon as it was over we had to check out. We left Vegas and stopped off at State Line to grab some lunch. I didn't get home till about 5pm. But was thankful for all the information I got and also for the opportunity to go!
Photoshoot - So my friend James came up with this cool idea for a photoshoot. It wasn't the first time I had heard of the concept and thought it was a great idea for a photoshoot. Basically it's been said if you take a fluorescent light and stick it in the ground under power lines it will light up. There are a few different factors that we knew by the article James read. So we decided to test it. We met out in the Oak Hills area and we stopped at a spot and stuck a fluorescent light into the ground and sure enough it started to glow! We decided to try another place that's a little further out that James remembered off the 395. It seemed brighter and we made the choice to set up a photoshoot, but there are a lot of technical things we need to work out so I'm not sure how soon this will be happening.
I'm a little concerned about starting this post. Only because the time is so close to the time I wanted to be in bed. But as usual, my mind gets into writing mode in the later evenings as I contemplate my day, weekend or life. I've had a fantastic Labor Day weekend! Today has been especially lazy, I spent most of it reading! A rare treat! Even took my book outside and enjoyed the beautiful evening! I lost a few hours but it's something I thoroughly enjoy doing and don't get to often enough.
I'm a little annoyed with a chirping of a dying smoke detector battery and the ceilings are little too high for me to get on a chair and replace it easily. It might get unbearable here in a few.
So my birthday is this week. My license is about to expire so I have to get that taken care of. I hope my boss won't mind a late start on Wednesday as I'm figuring that's the best day to do it since my birthday is Thursday. And I plan on going to Barstow since it's so much easier to take care of out there then the Victorville DMV. My mom is making my favorite family dish, we've always called it Grout Brook but I don't know the spelling and when my friend James asked me for a link I couldn't find it anywhere! I know it's a German dish that has cabbage and beef baked inside a bread roll. It's yummy! But odd that I can't find it. I'm guessing either the name is wrong but no matter what combination I looked up in google it always brought me back to cabbage rolls which is not the same at all! Saturday a few of my friends are going to go to BootieLA with me. :) I'm looking forward to going again!
So I mentioned in my last post that I had another post pending. But right now I'm not really in the mood to go into it. So it'll have to wait, yet again.
I'm thrilled to be in my 30's! So far it's been an exhilarating experience and I keep looking forward to what’s going to happen next. I find that God is doing a work in me. It's been a while since I've shared personal feelings. Mostly it's just surface rants about my schedule and projects. Nothing about my innermost thoughts. I think there is a fear especially with my new readers, readers I'm not sure I can trust to hear my thoughts. Silly I know. I have this for the whole world to read, but when it comes to people I know I am not sure what I can feel free to share.
Either way, at church Sunday the message was very convicting to me. I think God's been working on me, and it was what I needed to hear at that moment. I'm not surprised, it happens quite often. But it's obvious that God's there, holding my hand and pulling me closer to Him. I've strayed so far away. I have so far to go to get back to where I even was, and even then so much further to go to get closer to God. But it's amazing the grace. The overwhelming forgiveness and acceptance and love of who I am right now! Something my dad said struck me as a new concept (for me anyways). We have our body, soul and spirit. Our spirit never sins. Our soul sins plenty. But when I feel unworthy to seek Gods presence sure, my soul is unworthy, but my spirit is sinless... I can go to Him and commune with Him. Another concept was grace and repentance. God's grace is abundant. He will accept us with open arms, even in the midst of our sin. We don't have to be out of our sin to go to Him. But true repentance is when we turn our back on the sin in our life. So, I have sin in my life. Not surprising I'm sure. Most of you know me. Most of you know I struggle to walk the good walk. I will say most of you don't know the true secrets deep within. The stuff I even try to hide from myself, and in turn think I'm hiding from God. Funny how we can think that we are actually hiding it from anyone, especially God. Sin is sin. There are levels of sin but does that matter? Can I truly make myself feel better by saying well at least I'm not doing that? That's then turning into judgment and honestly lately that's the biggest annoyance I have with Christians today. Placing judgment on others, why not pull that plank out first then you can see that speck more clearly, right? haha
I'm not upset, angry, disappointed or depressed about where I'm at. In fact I'm excited. I see the goal. I see a path. Something that seemed hidden from me, but I was so distracted with the lusts of the world that I couldn't see it. I recently ran into an old friend on myspace, in the process of looking at his profile and the people he had on his list... I envied his desire and drive for Christ. After all these years, he's still seeking God with all his heart. I don't meet too many men that are truly seeking God. It actually can be discouraging at times. It was a breath of fresh air and I realized I've fallen into that rut of walking a casual line in my walk with Christ. I've almost come to a stand still. I was looking at those men that make me feel I'm taking my Christian faith too seriously and thinking they might be right. I mean what’s so wrong with enjoying a little of the pleasures of life? (Sigh)... I was starting to take pride in the fact that I was a liberal Christian. Not as uptight about the rules. But the thing is, it's not about religiosity... It's about a genuine walk with Christ. That personal relationship. I get sidetracked.
Sunday before church I confessed a sin in my life. One that was impacting me on my way to church. I was ashamed, haunted by some of the thoughts creeping into my mind. I spoke it out loud, asked for forgiveness and the images disappeared, they weren't in the forefront of my mind anymore. Then I go into to church to find the sermon on grace and repentance and the difference. It was confirmed in my heart. I was forgiven. The question was, did I seek true repentance. Did I turn my back on my sin. Right now I'm not sure. I will say I feel different. I'm not going to say that the temptation won't pull me back in. But I no longer have to feel like I'm unworthy to seek God's help in the midst of my sin. I know most of this is a pretty standard "duh" but sometimes we need reminders.
Someone gave me a hard time about something I didn't think was that big of a deal. I got frustrated and defensive... Again pulling that liberal Christian card, and being angry that someone was being so uptight about my views and actions. I mentioned it to my brother and of all the people to convict me he said something that impacted me. He asked why I was so upset. He is the one that helped me realize that I was defensive more then justified. Whether I want to believe it or not, I was an example. He mentioned a few names of people that might have been impacted by my actions. And honestly I wasn't thinking about them. I was only thinking about the people that know me and don't look up to me. It was a hard pill to swallow but I did. My attitude changed. I can't keep acting like everyone else. God calls us to a different set of rules and guidelines. If I want to be part of that bride of Christ then I will go about my life differently then most people.
My dad recently went to Africa. He came back and as he told me the stories of his trip, my heart yearned to go back. Something about my trip to Africa changed me forever. They say you leave a part of your heart, and I believe I did. Hearing about Pastor Thomas and how amazing it is that my dad would have run into him in Kenya when he is from Lesotho and someone who made a big impact in my life on the trip I went to. I suddenly wished for a simpler life. Being in the United States we're spoiled. We worry about getting new bathroom fixtures and a better couch or even a cute outfit to go dancing in! When you have nothing it's easier to devote your life to Christ. To focus all your energy on His will for your life. Living moment by moment for Him. Having everything and wanting more is so much of a distraction. I long to go back to Africa. My heart wants to do good out there. Somehow, amazingly, God has established our little church out there. We've made an impact. And I'm excited to know that I was apart of it. And I want to continue to be apart. It looks like another trip is scheduled for 2010 and I'm signed up and praying that God opens the doors for me to go.
Some of this may not make sense. But I'm just pouring out my heart. There is a lot of little things I have only touched on. But like I said, I was afraid of starting this when I did since I need to get to sleep. I'm excited to see where God is taking me with all these little insights. There is so much more that I can be doing with my life then worrying about finances and an AAP exam (don't get me wrong I still plan on being frugal and studying my butt off but still).
I was up way too early for being up so late. I've been dealing with some annoying house issues. First was my tub not draining very well. I pulled apart what I would consider the most complicated tub stopper I've ever seen! Finally got to the drain and didn't have much to grab out. Made a makeshift snake to push down the drain and still nothing. I've tried Liquid Plummer and Drano but this was before I got the drain opened to pour it directly in. So I figure one more attempt at using Drano today and I throw in the towel.
The other issue was my laptop wasn't connecting to the internet and I did the complicated rebooting order my brother told me to do. Restart the computer. Shut down, pull the battery out for a minute, restart fully then shut down again. ?!?! Does this sound a little ridiculous to anyone else yet? Now mind you I understand sometimes computers are just that, a bunch of complicated seemingly unnecessary steps. But nothing was working and this was the 3rd day in a row. So finally I got the screwdriver out (lol not for the laptop!) and opened the little hidden electronic box in the closet. That was actually harder then it sounds! That sucker is on lockdown. Part of me wonders if that's why my brother came up with that complicated rebooting order. hehe Anyways I rebooted the wireless router and poof! I'm online on my laptop!
Last night I was wide awake. Too alert to go to sleep and not awake enough to accomplish anything worth while. I was in that zoning state. I knew I would regret my choice to have soda at dinner with my brother and Andie. My mind was going a million miles an hour. I thought I was in the perfect state of mind to write a blog or something but I attempted a short email and had a hard time focusing. I think I finally attempted to crawl into bed at 2:30am.
So today is my errand day for the weekend. I was hoping to be up at a good hour and get things accomplished. I'm up, my eyes popped open at 8 which should be fine but I have a headache and my tummy isn't feeling so good with last nights dinner. I'm not the ball of energy I was last night after leaving work. I think I was just thrilled about the concept of a three day weekend! hehe But I was determined! Last night was grand central for my cell phone from the moment I pulled into the garage at the house. Mike needed my help, Brandie was returning my call from earlier, Andie was calling to let me know she was on her way for our standing Friday night date hehe, Armando kept calling me so I could hear the Three Doors Down concert he was at, I had been text messaging Jerret back and forth for a little bit. And after work I made a goal, get Drano from Target on my way home, try to get the clog to clear and my bathroom was in desperate need of a scrub down. So I got the worst part done, I scrubbed the toilet and used the drano down the tub drain before Andie made it to my house. We took Mike to Home Depot for something he needed for his truck. After that we dropped him off and picked up my brother and made our way to dinner. Then Andie and I stayed up talking for a long while. She was my moral support when pulling apart the tub stopper and trying to deal with the annoying clog. hehe
Today I need to finish cleaning my bathroom and I really should do the kitchen as well. I need to go to the bank and pull out cash for the week. I don't like not having an ATM card. (I had an unauthorized transaction on my account and so I went to my bank and before I knew it he had told me I was getting a new atm card and told me to grab cash because my new atm card wouldn't be here for 7 - 10 business days. Ugh!) I also have to go help my brother with something when he gets back from an early trip to Huntington Park for work. Then my sis is doing my hair. And I have tentative plans to go to dinner with James and Lareen (but I know their schedules are tight and I haven't had any confirmations).
Sunday and Monday I have no major plans but to relax!
There is another blog on its way but I got to get my butt out of this house and get all my running done.
I'm sitting in my living room watching tv with my brother and we're both on our laptops writing. Today has been anything but a normal friday. I got to work early so I could go with my mom to pick up my dad from the airport. And today the merchant support department swapped offices with the IT Department. When the day was done I felt like I didn't accomplish much, like I was at work on a Saturday or something. It was odd. My pc wasn't cooperating with the move so I still don't have my desk fully set up. My mom got to my work and we made our way down to LAX. The trip didn't take long and I was glad to see my dad. He told us all about his trip to Africa and when we got back to my parents place he showed me his pictures and he got me this really cool purse/bag thing. He was tired and wanted to shower so I left fairly early and spent the evening hanging out with my brother.
Tomorrow my brother has warned me its going to be a long day. The band is coming up and he informs me that the drummer is also coming. Ugh! So tomorrow is going to be an interesting day. I was looking forward to hanging out and relaxing but the relaxing part probably won't be happening. Not sure what I'm going to end up doing.
Pet Peeve - Driving into work this morning I realized yet another pet peeve of the drivers out there in commuterville. If you have cruise control... freakin use it peoples! I get so disturbed by drivers that go a certain speed, usually slower then what I have my cruise control set to, so I move over and somehow they have this natural tendency to pace me (pace, not pass hehe). I understand this phenomenon but come on! It's even worse when I've taken a chance getting into the fast lane to pass someone and sure enough slow poke suddenly finds the gas peddle and I've got Mr Speed Racer on my tail wondering why in the hell I chose to go into the fast lane when obviously the guy I supposedly tried to pass was going a decent enough speed! lol Ok so this is clearly a bit of rant. But I can't help it! I commute 5 days a week! (And don't even get me started on driving the Cajon Pass on a weekend with a bunch of drivers that aren't familiar with the flow of traffic. hehe)
My tongue - So most people know that when I got my wisdom teeth pulled they permanently damaged some nerve endings and part of my tongue is always numb. I find that at certain times its worse then others like when I'm chewing gum. How odd huh? Or when I'm chewing on ice I find that not only does it make the numbness worse, I can barely enunciate words!
Anyways, this morning on my way into work I was also thinking about how they cut that little bit of skin that was attached under my tongue which made sticking out my tongue more then a centimeter near impossible for all those rebellious sibling moments when sticking your tongue out was as impacting as cussing at them! lol
Either way, after my wisdom teeth extraction I noticed that the flap of skin under my tongue looked snipped and my tongue was actually able to stick out further then it ever has in my entire life (2 whole centimeters!). Still the dentist office denies this was done for me and to be honest if they would have admitted it, I would have thanked them! It's always bugged me. Ok so seriously, is it tangent night or what? Going back to what I was thinking about on the way to work....
So sometimes I wonder if that little snip under the tongue made this new inability to talk once I've chewed on a bunch of ice. Then I thought, what if, what if they cut that little bit of skin further down so that my tongue can stick out like any normal persons? Would it have required relearning how to talk all together? Because sure enough after the teeth extraction and I went back to work I found that the basic calls where I utilized a script were harder for me for the first week… And if it's Friday after Wahoo's and I'm chomping on a bunch of ice from the soda I got with my meal, I seriously struggle to read that script even now!
Anyways, very random thoughts. But I thought entertaining enough to share. ;)
So I'm sitting with my laptop on my new (yard sale deal) futon in my office waiting for my pictures of the weekend to download on my desktop machine. I have a ton of pictures to post! This weekend I drove all over the place! I put over 400 miles on my car! But it's been a good weekend. But let’s do things in chronological order...
Written Friday 08/08/08
I know… I know... It's been a while. Life has kind of come at me fast and I'm trying really hard to organize my priorities and blogging is sadly low on the list. And so much has happened in the last month I'm not too sure what to really update. I seriously can't believe it's been this long since I've updated!
Vacations - With all the stress going on in my life this topic has crept into my daydreams a lot as of late. This morning on my way to work I thought about scheduling a vacation away by myself, maybe Solvang like I've been wanting to, just take pictures and get some quiet time. But that will have to be next year as the timeshare I have is booked up months and months in advance for Solvang. Though I can go just about anywhere with this timeshare I really think it would be nice to go somewhere unique. My work has told me I'm required to take at least a week off by the end of the year. And right now that sounds really nice but not possible till November.
AAP Examination - I've officially scheduled my AAP Exam for October 29th at 10am! I'm sooo nervous and excited at the same time. I'm concerned about my lack of time for study but I have found that things are starting to sink in. I'm remembering more and more. I do know that the entire month of October I'm going to be studying my butt off! No life for me till the test is OVER! Sorry friends... don't take it personal. I just have a goal!
Events - Ok so I just looked through my calendar and realized how many different events I went to and most I took pictures that I can post!
Edify's first show 6/28/08 - I took a ton of pictures so I'll make sure to go through and upload them. I was very proud of my boys! The band did very well!
OURS show with Jimi 6/29/08 - Jimi, a friend from myspace, had a spare ticket to see OURS down at the Glasshouse in Pomona. It was the first time we got to meet face to face. Jimi is a really cool guy! And he was first in line! Before we were allowed in Jimmy (the lead singer to OURS) came out and I was immediately impressed with how genuine he seemed. He was friendly and didn't seem like taking pictures with fans was a waste of his time. In fact, Jimi asked if I wanted a picture with Jimmy and I decided I did. I felt a little silly and even said sorry and Jimmy was like, there is no reason to say sorry and it may sound odd but he wasn't afraid to get close for the picture. I know some people that barely even let you stand next to them. He put his arm around me and smiled for the shot. And well he was definitely my type so that probably made liking him all that much easier! ;) I was impressed with him and hoped I would enjoy the music.
It was the first time I ever heard OURS. I was really glad I went! All the bands were pretty awesome! The show started a lot later then scheduled and we were wondering if it was because the turnout didn't seem that great. The first band was Plain Jane Automobile and they were great! (Jimi still has yet to send me some of their music from the cd he got while we were there :P) Duke was a really nice guy. He saw me taking pics at the show and asked me to make sure he got copies of them. One shot in particular is my favorite, him singing, looking down and pointing right at me. Though I hadn't quite got my camera settings adjusted for the low lighting I still think the shot turned out cool. The second band was God or Julie which wasn't particularly my style but I got a lot of great shots of the band. Then OURS came on. I was mesmerized within moments. I was very impressed and immediately a fan!
Go hereto see the video to my favorite song "God Only Wants You"! If you want to read Jimi's review of the show Go Here. Not sure how well that will work if you don't have myspace.
Here is my favorite pic of Duke from Plain Jane Automobile
Here is the pic Jimi took of me and Jimmy before the show
Here are some of my favorites of Jimmy from OURS
Movie Night @ church 7/2/08 - No pictures, but we got together to watch "Thou shalt laugh" and I got a kick out of it. A couple of the comedians were really funny!
Fun at the Park 7/13/08 - We all met for a picnic at the park. I had a great time and had lots of fun taking pictures! My boys, Eric and Jerret, were so sweet! If they were just a little older! ;) haha
Ladies pool party 7/19/08 - Again no pictures, mostly because a bunch of ladies, at a pool, usually don't like their pictures taken. I enjoyed myself though. I truly relaxed!
Game Night 8/1/08 - I dreaded going. I was tired, had a rough week at work but decided to make an appearance. I'm so glad I did! Ron from church made up a list of words based on books, plays/theater, movies, tv and songs that the two groups (my team and my sisters team) had to try to get through them as quickly as possible. The first team through the words won. My team was great! But we got stuck on "Avenue Q" and "Being For The Benefit of Mr Kite!" which NONE of my team had ever heard of before! lol We got 5 words behind but in the end we were behind by 1 word when my sisters team won. Sure we lost but we almost caught up! I was impressed with that! Anyways, it was a lot of fun!
BootieLA 8/2/08 - So my friend Russ was the one to introduce me to BootieLA last year when we spent the day driving around taking pictures. He had a Best of BootieLA cd, it was an awesome mix! From that point on I attempted to get down there and go with Russ at the first Saturday of every month. Attempted up until last weekend when I finally got to go! I met him at his place and we got there a little late. But I walked in and immediately wanted to get out on the dance floor! That's always a good sign of great music! I had a blast! I let loose! I had been having a rough day. In fact I had been having a rough couple of weeks. Getting out on that dance floor I let go of it all. It was very therapeutic and fun at the same time! It was exactly what I needed! I had a great time with my friend Russ, who sadly is moving to Montana next month. But I plan on going back down for my birthday next month!
Updated 8/10/08 -
Church Pool Party 8/9/08 - I went to the church pool party Saturday. It was relaxing. Michelle and I played pool which made me want to buy a pool table for our extra living room so bad! I haven't played pool in a while but it was fun! Michelle was a really good teacher, as it’s been a while since I've played I needed reminders of how certain shots would work. I won the first game and she thought I lied about not really remembering how to play. hehe Anyways, it was a good time. I didn't really get into the pool, I sat on the edge and put my feet in and that was about it. But it was nice to get some sun.
I didn't stay long because I needed to get home so Rachel and Tom could drop off the futon I bought from Rachel’s mom. I am really happy about it. So far I'm enjoying sitting indian style with my laptop (on my lap)... lol I really wanted a couch for my office but I wanted one that I could use as a spare bed if I had company. But I couldn't afford the one I wanted from IKEA just yet and this one was only 25.00! I couldn't pass it up! And it's in great shape!
Tupperware Party w/ Dixie Longate 8/9/08 - Darla at work invited us all to go to a Tupperware party. But not just *any* tupperware party… A tupperware party where the consultant is Dixie Longatea drag queen! I invited my friend Andie because I know she'd get a kick out of it. And it turns out this was Dixie's last show as he/she is taking her character to Broadway (I think)!
Anyways, Andie and I got down to Corona a tad late. Dixie looked just like she did in her pictures. It was awesome! I laughed the whole time! I got some great pictures and amazingly she did actually sell the product! Of course she was a bit more vulgar then I think any regular consultant would be able to get away with but I had a blast! And I got to hang out with Keith who I don't get to see nearly enough! :)
Meeting up with James 8/10/08 - So most of you may remember my friend James (Mopmonster) from Northern California. We've been friends for years and whenever he's in Southern California we try to meet up. So today after church I went down to his hotel in Burbank and from there we went to Santa Monica. We just walked the pier, talked about lots of stuff, had dinner at Wahoo's and then made our way back. We were both tired from our long weekends so we decided to call it a night and I was heading home before the sun went down. I am glad for this little bit of time to veg before going to bed.
Ok so hopefully it won't be another month before I update again! Night
I think it's high time I wrote an update with pictures! Of course I won't have pictures of the event I shot tonight but at least you'll get something!
I just got home from Edify's first concert. They are my churches band. They so rock! I'm so proud of them... They are all my boys from youth and well Tom's my best friend’s husband so he's practically family and Michelle is just an absolute doll! It was fantastic!
Here are some of the pics of the photoshoot I had with the band earlier this month. It was a lot of fun!
Edify 6/8/08
AAP Certification - Anyways, I've been on an emotional rollercoaster the last couple of weeks. I have found that I have been stressing WAY too much on this AAP examination in October, almost to the point of self sabotage. I'm just trying to take deep breaths and take it one day at a time. I think the part that is disconcerting me is that I'm an intelligent person, I pick up on things fairly quickly, but these ACH rules are a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo and I'm struggling to grasp a basic concept just because the verbiage is so wordy! But I've been persistent. I took that AAP Preparation Class in Pasadena and felt completely out of my league. Mind you, the person heading up the class made it clear that it wasn't meant for beginners. So I had a teleseminar last Thursday on Risk Management Strategies and I was reading the Rish Management Handbook all week before the class and again struggled to comprehend what it was I was reading. Then I take the class and was blown away by how much I understood and how easy it seemed. I think I am just struggling with processing the ACH legal jargon. Either way, after taking that class it did help me calm down quite a bit about the class.
Also I'm going to Vegas in September with my Supervisor for an Operations Conference dealing with the AAP stuff. It will be my first business trip for Alliance, well actually for any company I have worked for so it should be interesting. I think another thing that is putting the pressure on for passing this test is all the money that Alliance is putting out on my behalf. I don't want to disappoint them. These classes, workshops, teleseminars, etc aren't cheap. Failure is not an option! My friends are awesome though... they have faith in me and are all so encouraging and uplifting.
A Chair's Photography - Sometimes I'm so surprised at how many people are so willing to hire me to do their photos. Joshua says I'm professional since I've been paid more then once. It's hard to look at myself as a professional photographer because I still have sooo much to learn! I assisted with Susan Whitney for that wedding down at Kimberly Crest Mansion and it was an absolute blast! Like I said in the post about that event, I was sweaty, tired and non-stop and I still felt like it wasn't work... I had too much fun! Photography is definitely a passion. I get lost looking through the lens. I forget about all the troubles and focus on another world. It's awesome! So tonight at the concert I saw my Political Science teacher from college and we got to talking and he saw me taking pictures and he said he would like me to take the pictures for when he and his wife renew their vows. They asked for a card. This isn't the first time I've been asked if I have a card. A great friend of mine Annette has a bakery Sweet Addictions and when she saw my engagement shots of Daniel and Mary she wanted cards to hand out to her clients that come in for wedding cakes.
Yet shooting with Susan I realized how far I am from being ready for any kind of professional business in wedding photography. I'd love to work with her again. I'm hoping she will call me for future weddings. I don't know how rude it is to ask if she liked my work well enough to actually use me again. I finally got the pictures back from her. Our schedules were never meshing and I was quite discouraged by the time I actually got them all, which was last night. I finally looked through the ones she liked and felt comfortable with her critique of my work. She had valid points. I know there is so far to go. But sometimes I don't think it's going to take very long. Meaning I may still have so much to learn but life will carry me from one thing to the next with this whether I feel prepared or not. I was just thinking back that my first real photography job was for Brian and Rashaell Fischer's wedding. That was back in March! That was only 3 (almost 4) months ago! It's been a whirlwind. I can only imagine what the next few months hold!
For those of you who don't have my myspace page I apologize, you don’t get to see the pictures as soon as the people on myspace. I just realized I never posted the pictures of the Steampunk Treehouse! Or Turtle's Reception!
So without further ado...
Steampunk Treehouse 5/1/08 - A select few... I have posted a small slideshow so if you would like to see it go to Steampunk Treehouse Slideshow
Random Shots 4/08 - I just ran into a bunch of shots I took in April and never uploaded them. Some of them are really rather cool...
Turtle & Amber's Wedding Reception 5/17/08
And I can hardly believe I'm actually able to do this but here are some of my favorite pics from the wedding!
Well I’ve had the stomach flu for the last few days. It was miserable! I’m rarely sick and this was an unusual sick for me. Either way I spent most of the day Monday in bed praying that the pain and nausea would go away. Today my stomach was cramping most of the day. I went to the doctors and they said it was the stomach flu and there really wasn’t anything they could prescribe and that I just had to let it run its course. So here I am, doing better then the last couple of days but still a bit queasy.
Anyways, I’m curious. Recently I’ve become aware that I care about certain people’s view of me more then others. I’m wondering how or what is it about these certain individuals that make me care so much? Why do they get placed on that pedestal? I know I’m a people pleaser through and through but this is different. This is an unhealthy need to feel accepted by these particular individuals. I am more sensitive to what they say to me, or how they talk about me. I have this one friend in particular who I‘m very sensitive with. I even thought to be honest with him and share how he makes me feel. Then something Jason (someone I placed on that pedestal for a time) said to me a few months back hit hard. He told me no one can *make* me feel anything. I choose to feel it. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like I have a choice… I need their approval. So why is it that the choice is given so freely to certain individuals? Why them? Why do I place such high value on what they think of me? It causes me not to be myself, to doubt. Yet I have so many other people out there that do value me, just as I am. They accept me, flaws and all.
Written 6/20
It's FRIGGIN hot!!!! I went out for my usual Friday Wahoo's lunch with Mike and literally felt like I hit a wall of heat! I checked just a moment ago and it was 107 degrees! Dang it! That's hot!
Anyways, aside from complaining about the heat my day has been pretty good! I'm thankful it's Friday.
Written 6/24
So I had hoped to have some pictures to post with this but alas it looks like that will again have to wait... Soon… I hope.
It’s been a great weekend! Friday night Andie and I got together for the first time in forever! Her schedule shifted back to where we can do our traditional Friday hangout again! It had been a while since we’ve hung out, well, we just had A LOT to talk about and she stayed till about 3am! It was awesome! I’ve missed her!
But man that next morning my mom called me at 8 and it took me a bit to get back to sleep. I knew I had to because I had a long day planned. I was able to sleep till about 10 and then it was time to get up and get ready for my first Assistant Wedding Photographer job. I was excited, yet nervous. I ended up driving down with Susan rather then going in my own car. I figured this would give me time to talk to her and kind of see the directions she had for me. I was anxious about my equipment. Knowing what kind of camera she uses, a Canon 30D and I shoot with a Nikon D70. (Let’s put this into perspective. The Canon 20D is comparable to the Nikon D70. The Canon 30D is a newer model and is comparable to somewhere between the Nikon D80 and Nikon D200.) Either way, I knew my flash and lens were slightly inferior. In the end I realized it’s mostly about the eye and the how you crop an image (yes, equipment is important!). I learned so much from watching how she worked the entire day.
The wedding was at the Kimberly Crest Mansion down in Redlands. Beautiful location! Any photographers dream! The bride was gorgeous and the groom a cutie. They made a very photogenic couple. We got down to the mansion a little after 2 and jumped right in. It was non-stop till about 10pm when the partying at the reception really started. You can only take so many pictures of drunken people dancing. At one point in the evening I was sweaty and tired and finally had a moment for a potty break and it hit me, this didn’t feel like work! I was having a blast! Sure, my one eye was all twitchy, I was sore from holding a camera up to my face all day, my forearm was actually strained! But I was having the time of my life! I’d never contorted my body so much in one photoshoot. I am definitely on the right track to a dream job!
As much fun as I was having I was really concerned that Susan wouldn’t like my shots. I realized quickly that she had a different style of shooting then I did. She takes more chances with framing her shots at odd angles. Hers were always beautiful but I was concerned about screwing up a picture attempting the angled shots. I’m definitely going to have to play with that. I was jealous of her computer. She had a beautiful huge flat screen apple. She put together a slideshow while I took a couple shots at the reception. I also am determined to get the newest version of Photoshop. I’ve wanted to for a while but after seeing what the newer version lets you do to your shots I’m definitely getting it AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
The reception lasted till about 11:30 and we didn’t get on the road home till after midnight. I got home and was sore and sticky all over. One of Susan’s requirements for the day was to wear all black. It was a warm day and we were busy shooting, you can imagine my need to rinse off before bed. I was exhausted so I thought a bath would be good. I climbed into bed at about 2am.
I took over 1500 shots over the course of the day. Most were duplicates, just snapping the same shot a few times just to make sure I got it right. And I’m happy to say that Susan left me a message this morning and told me she had a moment to look through my pictures and after giving me a slight heart attack in sarcastically saying that they sucked, she assured me that she thought they were great. I don’t have even a couple shots to share because we emptied my cards as the day progressed. Susan said she’d send my pictures along with a check this week so hopefully by next weekend I’ll be able to post a couple!
Today after church I agreed to do a photoshoot for Edify, the church band. We had an idea of what type of locations we wanted so after church we all went out to lunch and narrowed it down to a couple abandoned graffiti-filled structures out near Phelan. I had fun but the sun was bright and I knew the time of day would be tough to shoot but I figured I could make it work to my advantage for the type of shots I was looking to get. We spent maybe an hour or so and got some great shots. Most of the band came over after the shoot to look through the pictures. Ironically they thought I took a bunch but after yesterday a little over 100 wasn’t that many!
Anyways, I really should be heading to bed. I’ll post pictures soon!
So I may regret this in the morning but I can't sleep. Unlike a friend of mine who just posted that he's tired but doesn't want to sleep. I'm the other way around. I should be sleeping but I'm wide awake, and if I'm honest I too *want* to stay awake. I just went to my friend Jonathan's blog and he posted lyrics to a Radiohead song. As I listened to the song (he posted a youtube video of it) wondering what the meaning of the song was, I became very contemplative.
My mind keeps jumping from thought to thought.
The friends that have come into my life.
A flirtatious moment with a guy I'm crushing on
A great conversation with an old friend that at one point I thought about writing off
This wonderfully amazing house that I live in!
Back to the Radiohead song and watching the live performance this afternoon and appreciating their talents.
Wishing my cell phone would let me know someone was thinking about me as much as I was thinking about them
The nerves I feel about this AAP Certification test I take in a few months
All the things I accomplished this weekend - Studying, unpacking, relaxing, talking/visiting with friends
Wondering if I stopped writing and shut myself down, would my mind follow suit?
For the first time in a long time I feel very hopeful. I wouldn't say I've been full of doubt but just kind of down, maybe a bit overwhelmed by it all. Wondering if I can get through the next few months and accomplish everything that I want to. I have felt so unproductive in my personal life since I moved into this new place. I get through a pile of boxes not to see any benefits to my work. Luckily this weekend in a few hours time I was able to finish the kitchen. It is awesome to have one room in the house completely done! I have gotten bits and pieces of the other rooms but I'm far from feeling settled. Then today my dad stopped by and put up a couple pieces in my bathroom which means as soon as I get a new shower curtain it too will be complete! I love this place. I can't wait to have a BBQ!
I shared something at church today and I want to share it here. Last Christmas I felt God laid it on my heart to give money to a friend in need. The dollar amount was specific (not odd, just very set). I really didn't have a lot of money but I couldn't shake the feeling that God wanted me to do it. This isn't a pat on my back but honestly as I sang worship today my heart was so filled with thanksgiving and amazement at all that God has done in my life.
Last Sunday my dad spoke on tithing. Not that the church needs your money but that God blesses your money when you convert it to kingdom money rather then worldly money. During this message the pieces of the puzzle fell into place about my giving back at Christmas time. Along with the message of what tithing is and what it does for your increase, my dad also mentioned that giving does the same thing. As I listened little by little it hit me that the exact amount I gave back at Christmas time has come back to me almost EVERY month since! Random side jobs. I got asked to do a webpage here, and better yet... take pictures there. Talk about blessings being returned exponentially! And it just keeps getting better. Work gave me a raise on Friday which, you guessed it, is that dollar amount. The side jobs haven't stopped coming in either. Someone liked the webpage I did earlier in the year and want me to do one for them, and also would like me to take their corporate pictures! It's awesome when you can see God's hand in your life.
Anyways, it's after midnight and I REALLY need to try to go to sleep. This post may seem scattered but honestly that’s how my brain is functioning right now.
So I’m taking a bit of a break from unpacking. Honestly I feel like I’ve accomplished A LOT! But when I look at how many boxes I have left I feel a little disappointed. The old place was so cluttered I’m doing my best to avoid clutter. I’m getting rid of things I don’t need. Rachel would be proud! I’m such a horrible pack rat it almost bugs me! I figure if it’s something I haven’t looked at in the 3 years I lived at the old place I *really* don’t need it! Though, I do have two chests full of things from my childhood that I do plan on keeping.
I also finally got my pc connected to the internet so I’ll be able to post all those pictures I’ve been excited to share! It seems so amazing that I’ve lived here since May 10th and am JUST now getting through the unpacking process. I’m so grateful that it’s a long weekend!
So now for a few pictures…
5/4/08 - The Three Musketeers – Out for Andie’s 30th!
Cute one of my two dearest friends! I love these girls!
5/9/08 - Out with the old! It’s such a sad looking yard.
A pretty flower picked for me near my old place so I wouldn’t feel left out when Tom and Brian brought back a bunch for their wives.
5/11/08 - In with the new! I love the new place! It’s awesome!
On my way to work after my first night in the new place
5/24/08 - So Rachel called me right when I pulled up at work and asked me if I would be interested in going to a Dodgers game that night. I’ve never been but have always wanted to so I said yes immediately!
Blurry shot of me and Rach snuggled up in the back seat
Me and Rach bundled up at the game
Brian (and me peeking into the shot hehe)
Brian, me and Rach (Tom and Jacob were there too but none of the pics of them turned out that well)
Me and Rach when the rain started to pour! They put the game on rain delay at the bottom of the 9th inning! Cardinals were up by 1 so we figured it wasn’t worth fighting the crowds. By the time we made it to the car the rain stopped but we were SOAKED!
More pics to come of the Steampunk Treehouse and Turtle's Wedding!
So I’m sitting on a comfy chair with my laptop at Chuck and Robin’s in Yucaipa. It’s been a busy weekend but I’m blown away by their hospitality. They are truly amazing people! I’ve been asking Sam what I can do to show my appreciation. Chuck intimidated me when I was dating Sam but he’s been an absolute sweetheart to my sister and I this whole time.
Thursday - I was up at 5:00am to be sure to get packed for my weekend in Yucaipa and I had to head down to Pasadena for the AAP Preparation Class. I left at 7:00 and because of traffic didn’t make it to my class till late. The class was from 8:30 - 3:30 and packed FULL of information. The teacher made it clear early on that this class wasn’t for beginners which is what I was. I was happy that I at least understood the terms. I have a study partner. She works at a small credit union so she will help me where I am weak which is the banking side of it. I am strong in the NACHA file formats since I deal with that on a regular basis so I’ll be helping her with that.
So after the class I had to head into work. Traffic was so bad I didn’t make it there till 5:30. Stephanie wasn’t familiar with the end of the day stuff so I had to make sure to help. We got done at around 6:15 so it wasn’t too bad. I was told my sister went in for surgery at about 6:30 so I didn’t rush. My sister was ready to go by 8:45! Her surgery was a huge success!
Friday - Heidi had a rough first couple of days. She couldn’t move without being dizzy and feeling like she was going to pass out. Mike came down to watch Heidi while I was at work. She didn’t keep food down too well and had to stay in bed most of the day.
Saturday - I took my time getting ready. My mom was down by 12:15 so I could get up to Turtle’s Wedding Reception. On my way home I stopped by my friend James’ place to drop off the name plate he left at Alliance when he went to his new job. He was at his moms place in Oak Hills for the weekend. I had a nice chat with his mom and sister.
I stopped by my place and got dressed for the wedding. I made it out to Lucerne Valley 30 minutes ahead of schedule. Turtle was still setting up. He mentioned that it would be unlikely we would get pictures of him and the family like planned because everyone was behind schedule. So I took pics of what I could. The reception started and I snapped away. The whole concept of a Gothic reception was pretty cool. It was a great party! People were dressed like they were ready to hit the clubs. Amber was beautiful and Turtle looked great! I can’t wait to show the pictures. But as with all the other pictures I’ve been anxious to share, who knows when I’ll get a chance to post them.
(vent) Right now I'm feeling a little tired of living in limbo. It started with the move. Packing up the house and moving into the new place and not being settled before I had to spend this extended weekend in Yucaipa. I can't complain about my time here because of how awesome it's been to hang out with Robin and Chuck, like I said before they are truly amazing. But I really would like to just be at my own place, but not as it is right now, I'd like it to be completely unpacked as well. Then today I get a call from my good friend asking me to housesit for her in the next couple of weeks and my first reaction was "Absolutely NOT!" But I told her I would think about it. Just right now I'm not feelin' it. I've been going too much and really just need to get things situated at my new place. (/vent)
So I had a good time taking pictures of the wedding reception. It’s always great to hang out with my friends from my wannabe goth days. I'm still even a little surprised at how the friendships have survived the years. I even got out on the dance floor! I left at 12:15am and made it down to Yucaipa by about 1:30 am. Turtle gave me more money then agreed upon which I felt bad taking just because I didn’t get ANY family shots or really many single shots of them. But he said he saw me workin the whole time and he really was hoping I’d get a chance to party a little. He was sweet. I'm really happy for him. It’s odd looking back at our friendship and where it started. I don’t talk to him often, and as much as some of my friends won’t understand this, I really do feel a fondness for him. I think because he was my first kiss. You always remember your first kiss. Heh
Sunday - I have taken the day easy. I've been a little bit moody but I think that's just because I didn't get much sleep and I really just want to be home. Heidi has her appointment tomorrow so we should be able to head home tomorrow.
This work week should be interesting with all that's going on. We have a new supervisor in training. Mike is going to be in Hawaii for a week to celebrate his anniversary. Margarita comes back from taking care of her mom who fell and fractured her hip. Jody and other upper management will be in Vegas for one of the biggest conferences of the year. And I have to call and see about switching the AAP Certification test to my name and get all the paperwork and training books to prepare for the test in October.
I made a starbucks run earlier this evening and looking at the time, I'm starting to regret it! It's late and I have to be up early to get ready, pack up my things as I use them and clean along the way. I feel so blessed to have been able to stay with Robin and Chuck! I want to make sure to do what I can to leave it as close to what it was when I came as possible! Anyone have any ideas of what I can do for them to show how much I appreciate their hospitality, something special, unique?
Well I really gotta get to bed. Goodnight. Pictures to come... I promise!
Well I'm sitting on my bed, typing this blog. This is a different feeling... I have a laptop. It's mine. But it's a hand me down. A rather nice one too. Only problem: No battery life, it always has to be plugged in. Not much freedom in that is there? I guess I can always go get a new battery right?
Ok so too much to babble on about to be rambling about the laptop.
The move is complete! I won't say we're settled just because unpacking is going to take a while! And with my schedule it might take longer then I would like.
Tonight is my last night in the new place till Monday night! Tomorrow my sister is going in for surgery to fix her Otosclerosis (a progressive degenerative condition of the temporal bone which can result in hearing loss) and the doctor's have stated that she should not make the trip back up the Cajon Pass during the first few days after her surgery. The surgery is to take place in San Bernardino. And Sam's mom was nice enough to offer to let us stay at their place in Yucaipa after the surgery. I should be packing but this is the first time I've had internet since Saturday. Of course at work I can connect but things have been a little hectic there and I haven't had a lot of time to spend on the internet.
Tomorrow morning I'm going down to Pasadena for a compliance class in place of a girl that quit this week. I guess it's safe to say that I have gotten a promotion. They haven't figured out the title to give me as I will be dealing with my normal duties but taking on the compliance issues as well. This also means a raise. woohoo! I have a lot to learn but they are willing to pay for my training. There is a test in October that if I can take and pass will make me AAP Certified (Accredited ACH Professional) and will be something I can take with me.
Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of Jesse's death. It hit me last night as I grabbed a box and saw Orenthal Wantsomemore (a stuffed arrangatang that Jesse bought me when we were dating). I am sad. I've thought about him quite a bit in the last couple of months. I mentioned it to Joshua at work today and he asked if it still hurts me. I'm not sure what I feel. I know he's in a better place. I know he and I weren't the best of friends when he passed away but I always knew he would call every-now-and-then and we'd talk, joke and laugh. I miss his constant impersonations. I miss him.
Also this weekend is Turtle and Amber's wedding reception which I am taking pictures of. I'm really looking forward to it!
Well it's my bedtime. I have an early morning and busy schedule ahead of me.
Moving - Well my mom and sister just left from helping me pack up my bedroom and bathroom. I have a lot of stuff! My back hurts and I'm definitely tired! I still have to pack up my desk. If I didn't have their help I'm not sure what I would have done. There are a lot of things I just want to put in my car and take over before the big moving day Saturday. My mom also came over last Saturday and we got the kitchen done so that's out of the way. My friend Andie helped me too. But by the time she got here I was already worn out so we only got my dvds and cds packed. Last week I slowly started a box or two in the evenings but at that rate I would have never been done in time.
Steampunk Tree House - I so don't feel I can give this story the full attention it deserves. It was quite an awesome trip! Sean was so cool. The tree house was even more impressive in person. The detail and creativity was truly inspiring. James and I had a blast taking pictures of every angle of the inside of the tree house. But that's all I'm gonna share for now... Moving has taken all my spare time in the evenings so I haven't had a chance to really get through all the pics. I can't wait to post them.
I can't believe how long it's been since I've updated! Things are going really well!
The Move - I have yet to start packing for the move. I stopped by our new landlady's office to sign some papers this morning. She seems genuine, which is a good sign. She's fairly laid back. The community we're moving into might be more uptight then we're used to but the rules don't seem too outrageous compared to some of the communities I've heard about. I'm excited about this place. It's really nice and has so much space. I’m looking forward to getting over there.
My Weekend - I'm not even sure if I'll get a chance to post this since I only have a few spare moments to post this blog. Friday I got home at a reasonable hour. I enjoyed a leisurely evening because I knew the rest of my weekend would be non-stop. I stayed up later then I would have liked because a friend needed some advice. I have also been working on the engagement shoot pictures so that I can post a couple! I got to bed around 1:30.
I got up this morning and went tanning, rushed back home to go with my brother to meet our new landlords. Dropped Brian off and went over to Coco's to have lunch with Brandie who had brought Alexis up for the day! Alexis is adorable! She's so sweet and very alert. I had a great time catching up with Brandie. It was great to see her and the baby.
After that though, I came home truly exhausted. I really needed to be working on some graphic work for my brother but I couldn't keep my eyes open. I took an hour nap! I got up at 3:30 and started my graphic work for Brian. Amazingly enough the task only took me 10 minutes tops! Who rules? I do! hehe That was a pleasant surprise!
Now I have some spare time and I decided to update everyone on the happenings. Tonight Andie and I are going to the play Guys and Dolls at VVC. Ron and Amielle, a couple from the church are in it. I believe Jerret (my adopted little brother) is going to join us. I've heard the play is really good!
Sunday after church I'm heading to a family portrait shoot for my coworker Margarita. It's down in Rancho Cucamonga in their backyard which I hear is beautiful. After that I plan on heading over to spend the evening with my friend Sandeep who lives in Northern Cali but is going to be down here for a training class for work. I'm looking forward to hanging out with him. I don't get to see him enough. Then it’s back to the daily grind.
This Week - I have to start packing in the evenings. I'm taking Thursday off to go down to take pictures of the Steampunk Treehouse. James decided to go with me. Though I just found out this week that he's taken a job down in Santa Monica! I am actually pretty bummed! It's been nice to have a coworker that enjoys photography as much as I do. He says we'll still try to get together for our photography group but I'm sure him living down there will make it a little more difficult. Though I am happy for him and any time I'm down in Santa Monica I'll be sure to stop by and say hi. Anyways, my friend Drew wants us to stop by his place in Palm Springs the day we go to Indio. So that should be a full day. And Drew likes photography too. We'll see how the day works out.
Daniel and Mary Engagement Shoot 4/20/08 - Some of you have been asking to see some of the pictures I took of the couple last Sunday. I have not had any time to sit down and sift through them until yesterday and that was only because my plans Friday night changed to my benefit. So here are some of my shots. I took close to 550 pictures the whole day! These are a few that I like. Let me know what you think!
A Chair's Photography - For so long I had been looking through windows of what could possibly be (with my photography in particular), but God just hadn't allowed those windows to open... until now. It was somewhat discouraging, but I tried to be patient. I got little glimpses of hope, with people like Joel Eckman Maus contacting me about working with him, (which I still hope to do someday)! Some of you may remember that post in January about him and another wedding photographer George Sillas. Well this week I was contacted by George Sillas's sister Susan Whitney to be an assistant photographer for a wedding in June! I'm totally excited. And how she heard about me is short of a miracle or maybe it was God. ;) His fingerprints are all over this stuff!
Anyways, I'm sort of getting ahead of myself, going back to that post about the wedding photographers. It was in that post that I made the declaration that I wanted to do whatever it took to be a professional photographer. I looked into a photography degree. Even researched some books that might help me organize a business. (I never purchased them and just today Joshua sent me a link to one of the ones I thought of getting. Seriously the signs are everywhere that someone upstairs wants me to pursue this!) But it seems that since I've made that declaration there has been a snowball effect in regards to my photography.
I originally went to this bridal fair because my friend Rashaell asked me to take pictures at her wedding and reluctantly, as well as being scared to death, I agreed to take her wedding pictures. The wedding was March 2nd. And I was happy with the way some of the pictures turned out!
In the middle of March James (from work) sent me a link to the Steampunk Tree House. James is a fairly new employee of Alliance who also loves photography. He's invited me to join a photography blog and group. The Steampunk Tree House was his idea of the groups first photography outing. The Steampunk Tree House originates in Northern California but they are bringing it down for the Coachella and Stagecoach music festivals. The more I thought about it, the more I realized seeing it during the festival won't be much fun because I'm sure it will be crowded. I emailed the project manager and explained my desire to see and take pictures of the Tree House and asked if there was any way it would be open to the public outside of the festivals. He said that it would have minimal access during the festival for liability reasons and he may be able to get me in to see it sometime between the two festivals. After a week or so of no confirmation I emailed him again and asked if he had given it any more thought and sure enough he's opening it up for me on May 1st!!!! I'm totally stoked!
Shortly after that I heard George Sillas was looking for another assistant photographer. I already told my brother about what I thought of his work the day I came back from the bridal fair. Sure enough Brian knows his sister from an old job and his friends, Eirik and Angie are good friends of the sister and they recommended me! This is how it all came to be that she called and asked me to be an assistant photographer. Networking is an awesome thing but I haven't seen it work for my benefit so completely!
The day my brother called and asked me if I'd be interested in being an assistant photographer my coworker asked me to take a family portrait for her and she was willing to pay me. This was shortly after my successful photo shoot of my (at the time) pregnant friend Brandie. I am confident in my abilities to take portraits, or I should say I feel more comfortable with taking portraits. And we have a tentative date scheduled for the last weekend this month.
I spoke with Susan Whitney yesterday and she's invited me to join her for a couple engagement shoots! I'm excited for the experience! It's also going to push me to prepare and study before the shoots. One is going to be done in Vegas at 4am! I'm excited by the challenge night shots will be and what I can learn. Another is scheduled for Pasadena next Sunday. I've already told her I would like to go. She gave me the details of the wedding and what she's expecting of me. Honestly this is the best way to learn! I'm so excited that I get this opportunity to take some great shots without the stress that all the responsibility is on me. I would definitely love to assist more!
Then just yesterday my friend Turtle called me as I was leaving work and asked if I would be willing to be the photographer at his reception! He asked my rate and I told him I would get back to him. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he's a friend, it's not the full ceremony and being that I was already going to the reception meant I was already going to bring my camera and already be taking pictures! So I kept the price low. I'm excited for the experience! It'll be a gothic style so it should be quite fun to shoot!
Moving - So I dropped off our 30 day notice to our landlady tonight. Yup, just like that we're moving. Last Friday on my way up the hill I spoke to my sister about Misty and Jeremy moving out of their place and them needing replacement tenants ASAP and how it's the perfect place for me, Brian and Mike. It did sound nice. Five bedrooms (Mike sleeping on the couch just isn't cutting it anymore and Brian needs an office to work out of), it's a nice neighborhood, we'd each have our own bathroom, and rent was reasonable considering we'd be moving to a nicer place with more space, A LOT more space! Saturday I went and got my hair done at the Salon and Brian stopped by. He was meeting Jeremy to go check out the place. At this point I realized he was taking it seriously. Sure enough we had a meeting at our place that night and decided to pray about it because we had to give them an answer by Monday. As my first sentence indicated we all felt it was the right choice. Now I get to start packing. Yay!
Well I think there was more that I wanted to share but this is becoming a large post. Goodnight!
What a week, what a week! It's Saturday and I've had a very awesome day! I slept in, ran an errand or two. The day was gorgeous! One of those days when you drive with your windows down, the music blaring and you're just so happy to be alive!
Later in the morning I started to finish up some cleaning in my bedroom when I heard something fall in my shower. I walked in to see a plant my parents had gotten me for Valentines Day had been blown off the windowsill by the wind. At that moment I decided to transport it into a bigger pot, I've been wanting to but just hadn't taken the time. I went into the garage and found my potting soil and picked out the new pot. I have a few. I started with two that needed to be put in larger pots. It's a very therapeutic feeling to have your fingers full of dirt! I didn't hold back, allowing myself to get fully submerged in the task. Before I knew it I had every plant I owned outside and repotted, and my jeans were totally soaked! Sitting on the ground with a hose will do that. hehe I went through two bags of potting soil. But I'm thrilled to have it done! It was a great feeling! I felt so domesticated! hehe Mike wondered where they all came from, apparently he doesn't go into my room too often.
Yup! I'm even posting pics of some of my plants! My favorite is the 2nd from the left
Here they are, these are the ones I repotted
I just looked down to see the wedding invitation to Turtle's wedding. I'm very intrigued by the idea of a Gothic Wedding. I am excited to go. Not sure if I'm going to ask someone to go with me. I can't imagine any of the guys I could bring as my date really wanting to go, but what guy wants to go to a wedding ever? We'll see. I have to RSVP by mid April. I should know by then. I'll probably just go alone. That way I can enjoy the wedding through the lens of my camera. I will have people there to keep me company but I'm somewhat of an outsider in my old goth crowd. I do love my friends, especially Joe and Ericka!
I’m listening to Bright Eyes. It totally fits my mood. I’m very reflective at the moment. I am looking forward to just spending the evening dusting and enjoying my redecorated room. I plan on toning down the knickknacks. I find that I don’t like the type of clutter that I have going on right now. I’ve wanted to go through the stuff in my garage and maybe do a garage sale, but I know it’s not going to be a big one, so I’m not sure what I should do. I have a couple great items from PartyLite that I’m sure people would really want. I’m just not sure if I’m ready to get rid of them. But what am I ever going to do with a chandelier? It's beautiful, I really should just figure out how to put it up!
I’ve been doing some research online. It started with Drew and I looking up “Easter Bunny” on Wikipedia at the midweek bible study. Wikipedia rocks! This week I’ve found myself researching anything I’m unsure about. Last night I even researched a very taboo topic that I just realized a friend of mine is into. I’m intrigued at the reason behind it. He hasn’t shared much with me, nor has he confirmed (nor denied) I’m accurate in my assumption. But I chose to research it anyways. There are a lot of misconceptions, and I’m glad I looked into it myself. All the questions and reservations I had are no longer there. It’s still not something I’d be into but interesting none-the-less.
Going back to the fact that I’ve been researching more and more lately, I think something just hit me. Oddly a situation with another friend which I wasn’t very happy about at first may be the main reason I’ve taken to research. Interesting, I hadn’t thought about that! Early in the week I was talking to a friend and I felt I was spanked (and not in the fun way!) by him for not understanding certain things like the stock market. I was so not expecting it, it came out of left field and at the time I felt attacked. Since then we’re ok, he called the next morning apologizing because he felt bad I misunderstood what he was trying to say.
And the topic in question that day STILL doesn’t interest me. But it did open me up to realize I probably should put some energy into learning about the things (even financial things) I don’t understand. I always avoid the unknown, especially when my circumstances (or should I say… finances?) are so bleak. In some respects I know what took place that night was not my friends fault. He only cared about me enough to share his advice and concerns. I think I was already doing everything in my power to avoid the unknown with my finances and well he figuratively slapped me on the face with it quite unexpectedly. That night I took some much needed quiet time with God. It’s the first time I’ve taken any quality time to share my heart and cry out to the Lord.
The next morning I happened to visit my friend James blog and guess what was linked just that morning? Yup, financial advice! Anything I was questioning listed in this resource page he posted. So I guess my researching actually started with that! Crazy how God works huh?
Well I’m going to go enjoy more therapeutic activities. Hope everyone has a very Happy Easter!
Poet Sky is in my living room practicing. Eirik is here with his drums. I must admit its quite loud being out there but sounds really good in my room. :) It's the first time Eirik has set up his drums and played with the boys, usually it's just Foe, Strav and Brian. I sometimes feel like I've stepped back in time since Poet Sky was originally formed back when I was in highschool!
I just got back up the hill from going to see Brandie and her new baby. Alexis Antoinette is sooo beautiful! She was born March 15th @ 12:56am; she weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces and was 19 inches long. She's doing well but still in ICU. She and Brandie both had an infection. I was not able to hold her, but she's absolutely beautiful. They are hoping both Brandie and her will get to go home tomorrow sometime. Brandie seems to be a natural mother. I took some shots with my cell since they wouldn't let me take it with my camera. :( I'm looking forward to the photoshoot with little Alexis and her proud parents. Here's one of the only clear shots I got with my cell...
So when they said it would snow this weekend I kinda of chuckled thinking, yeah maybe in Phelan, but yesterday as I sat in my car in the Stater Brothers parking lot in Victorville, sure enough large flakes were coming right on down! Pretty crazy!
I've been taking more and more random pictures in the last week or so... A friend of mine in Utah has started the Project365 and I've always wanted to do something similar. I'm tempted to start. I am worried that I will get sidetracked and stop shortly after starting. I'd really like to challenge myself to take a picture every day but maybe what I could try is a picture of the week? Or maybe best pics of the week? Because I tend to have a hard time picking just one favorite shot when I'm in the artistic mood. Hmmm... I think I like that idea better then every day. What do you guys think? Should I make a "best of" post every week? Or should I challenge myself to post a new picture every day? I have a livejournal account that I don't use much.
If you don't have myspace you haven't seen a couple of my recent pics... Specifically Rashaell's wedding, the rooftop of my work building and other random stuff... Here are a few...
This picture is completely illogical but I still love it - 2/12/08
Fischer Wedding - 3/2/08
Rooftop of the Alliance building - 3/7/08
Beautiful blooming tree in my front yard - 3/8/08
I have started placing my bonsai tree in the windowsill of my bathroom window so it gets morning light. This particular morning as I was getting ready I noticed a neat shadow of my bonsai tree on my bathroom door. I couldn't help but take a couple shots while getting ready. 3/12/08
This was taken in my neighborhood today - 3/16/08
That's about it for now. :) Hope everyone had a great weekend!
Well it's Friday! I wouldn't have thought this week would have turned out as well based off of earlier in the week, but all-in-all no complaints. I got my new phone! It was waiting for me when I got home last night. I charged it and got it activated this morning. Jerry was the first to call me on it this afternoon! So far he's the only number I have saved. I figured, why do all that work when I can just go to a Sprint store and have them import my contacts from my old phone. I plan on stopping by a Sprint store after my sister trims up my hair tomorrow morning.
I was allowed to get on the rooftop of our building at work and take some pictures of the sunset and well it's a pretty cool view with the planes landing at the Ontario Airport. It was my last chance to catch the sunset before we close up since this weekend we're changing our clocks ahead. I've always thought the view from the roof was cool and my supervisor was willing to let me sneak up there for a bit... Yay! Not only that but she was even sweet enough to let me go back up when I was the only one there to be on the phones! When James found out I was going up there he asked if he could join me. He’s a new guy in the IT department but he also enjoys photography.
This weekend I don't plan on doing anything but stuff for me! I've been so busy doing stuff for others I haven't taken time for some of my own projects. Now mind you this includes cleaning. I have said it before but cleaning is very therapeutic for me. I'm really looking forward to going through and getting everything organized. My room is very homey *when* I have it clean. Though with my schedule it rarely looks as good as I like it to. Go Here to see some pics of my room when it's sparkling...
Brian and Rashaell's Wedding 3/2/08 - So I took pictures of Brian and Rashaell's wedding last weekend. It was miserably windy! The lighting in the church was really rough to work with. But I think I got a couple good shots. This is one of the things I've wanted to complete this week but haven't had the time. So my goal is to get through the pictures and hopefully post a few of my favorites this weekend sometime.
Monday - I stopped by my parents to give my mom a piece of the wedding cake I was told to take home. My mom's been pretty sick for the last week or so and she wasn't able to make it to the reception. My niece Megan had just gone to Hearst Castle and wanted to tell me all about it. I got home later then I expected and my night was pretty much done.
Tuesday - Was the "Hell Day" of the week. Within an hour a lot took place. I had taken my usual lunch walk but it was unusually hot and I was pretty warm when I was coming back into the office, so much so that my coworkers mentioned that I seemed quite red. I had a few moments left of my lunch break so I go to play with a lens James has for his camera. I couldn't figure out how to adjust the settings to really get a good idea about the lens and what it could do. My alarm on my cell went off telling me it was time to get back to work for a staff meeting. I run back to give James his camera and as I'm shutting my phone to turn off the alarm it broke. Flustered, I put it on my desk to figure out what happened later. I get in to the meeting and was immediately used as an example of what not to do in a situation. I will say my supervisor did give a disclaimer she wasn't picking on me, but that it was a really good example of something we need to be careful not to repeat. But… I really didn't appreciate being blindsided by a mistake I was unaware that I even made, in front of a room full of people. I would have liked to have been told prior to the meeting. It really wasn't that big of a deal. I think because of all that just transpired within the few minutes prior, it didn't make for an ideal situation. I think the straw that broke the camels back was that she then proceeded to give kudos to my other two coworkers about their hard work, not saying they didn't deserve it, but it just didn't quite seem like a level situation. I honestly just wanted to go away, catch my breath and maybe scream. hehe I kept telling myself “I don’t fight against flesh and blood”. I wasn’t upset with my supervisor; I was upset at the circumstances. Satan knows where to get me and I think he hit them all in less then an hour. Once I cooled off literally (and well emotionally) I was fine. I could tell I was just moody that day.
Oh, huge blessing: I checked out my options for a new cell phone was able to replace my exact phone for only 25.00 no activation fee! (I didn’t have insurance) Just had to wait for it to be delivered which was expected to be 3-4 business days.
Later that night my brother Brian sent me some content for a site he has been having me work on and well I really need the money so I put aside my hope to get through the wedding shots to work on the site because the sooner I get it done, the sooner I get paid.
Wednesday - Work was blah, but nothing horribly annoying. I had ordered the new phone and had jerry rigged my broken one to be able to use if needed. After work I went straight to bible study, I had a great time visiting with everyone, but there went another night.
Thursday - After being 2 ½ weeks late I finally started! (Sorry male readers) I am not sure if it was stress or what but my body just didn’t want to cycle and I felt something was slightly wrong, I had been extremely sluggish and lethargic for the last couple of weeks. So on a very rare occasion I was very glad that my monthly bill had arrived. Haha I know that sounds so wrong! But I had a great day at work and was in a fairly positive mood.
That morning Jerry had called me before work, and oddly enough we both were thinking about seeing what the other was doing that evening. We decided I would stop by after work. It’s been a couple weeks since we’ve been able to get together so after work I dropped by his place. We had a good time playing around with his website. I was in a pretty good mood all day. I get home to find that my new cell phone I ordered Tuesday night had already arrived! I was thrilled!
Friday - has been an awesome day! It’s been the best way to end a week. I’ve been upbeat and energetic. Other then my emotional rollercoaster conversation with my mom on my way up the hill, it’s been a great evening too! My poor mom witnessed a gamut of emotions. I talked to her about my week on the way up the hill. She and I talk on a fairly regular basis and well since my phone has been busted we haven’t been able to talk that much and I made up for it with venting about it all at once!
Finances were the biggest topic; they are really tight right now. I’ve been a really good girl and cut back on A LOT of stuff. Though ironically you would think it would make things look financially brighter, but it sadly seems worse! So I’m trying to trust that God will supply all my needs. I have noticed a couple things. I seem to have a never ending bottle of facial toner. Every time I think I’ve used the last of it, I still see the same amount. It’s been like this for the last two weeks. So hey, it’s not wine but it works for me! Same with my gas, I’ve been getting 40-50 more miles per tank the last couple of fill-ups. I also had to get an oil change last week (I had pushed it off as long as I could) and because of their mistake I got a free air filter. So things like this prove that God is blessing my obedience with my finances, but it’s still really hard. I keep declaring that “My God will supply all my needs,” “He has good plans for my life, plans for prosperity and not failure.” My church has been talking about using our Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God. It seems odd at first but I feel a difference speaking it out of my mouth, rather then just thinking good thoughts.
Anyways, I’m getting tired. I'll post pictures tomorrow or something... Goodnight!
Five years ago today I posted my very first Blogger entry!
Friday, February 28, 2003
this is a test to see if this works
posted by Charity at 2/28/2003 02:18:00 PM
Wow... 5 years is a LONG time! A lot has happened in my life in the last 5 years. I've always been a person that writes in journals. I have kept all my journals throughout the years. I believe the earliest is when I was in 6th grade. I was encouraged to journal because as a child I had a hard time writing my thoughts out. What can I say? Ever since, I've been addicted to the therapeutic effect of expressing my thoughts. Why I chose to use a public medium 5 years ago is still a mystery. I've never been a very private person but I know a lot of people that just don't understand why I express myself for the world to see (and to even criticize). And I really don't have a good reason other then just enjoying expressing myself and sharing bits and pieces of my life for anyone to see. I still have a personal private journal I write in for those moments I just don't feel like sharing with the world.
Anyways, yay for blogging on Blogger for 5 years! Now back to work...
So I pull into my driveway this evening and was finishing up a conversation with my mom when I noticed my brothers flashers flipping on and off like someone was playing with his truck alarm remote. I looked back and saw no one coming out of the house. By the time I got out of my car I noticed not only were his truck flashers flashing but his friend Eirik’s truck was doing the same thing. I wasn’t sure what to think but I have grocery bags in hand and come walking up to the front door. I turn the corner and see Brian and Eirik pressed up against the wall chuckling at their cleverness. And I couldn’t help but smile. It was almost cute. Actually, it was absolutely adorable! As I put away my groceries I was thinking about how childlike they looked as I turned that corner. I could almost see their junior selves playing a joke on their little sister waiting for her to come around the corner, giggling standing close to the wall not to be seen. Take away the beer and cigarette Eirik had in his hands and it would have been a classic Norman Rockwell scene. But honestly I think that’s what made it all that much more adorable. It reminded me of the fact that boys will always be boys and it brought a huge smile to my face.
Life has been good. Kept extremely busy with events as well as fulfilling some goals I’ve set for myself. After my busy extended weekend I went back to work. This week has been just as busy as last, if not more so because we’ve experienced more technical issues then usual. I enjoy staying busy. I feel so much more productive when I have a lot of stuff to do then when I have minor tasks.
Anyways, I’ve enjoyed waking up early and spending some time taking pleasure in the start of my day rather then rushing around frantic to be out of the house by 8. I spent one morning watching the sunrise in one of the new patio chairs I bought. I read my bible and wrote in my prayer journal. The next morning I decided I really wanted to go for a morning walk. It was sprinkling but it still felt awesome to get out and walk a mile before work. I take lunch walks but it’s just a half a mile and it’s really just to get out of the office and get some fresh air. Speaking of which, I’m going to go do a bit of a workout before bed.
So I’ll leave you with a couple of the pictures I took of the lunar eclipse yesterday. Click on the image to see the larger view.
Valentines Day - I had a very nice Valentines Day! I wasn't expecting much. I was looking forward to a work potluck and that's about it. But the whole day was full of little surprises, a bunch of text messages and calls from everyone wishing me a Happy V Day. I got to work and my dad had dropped off a gift from him and my mom, a cute little plant.
And with the potluck it felt like it was a Friday. Potlucks tend to make for a relaxed atmosphere around the office. I, of course, took pictures and everyone moaned and groaned. But it was a good time. The whole day was a lot of fun and everyone was in good spirits.
After work I planned on heading home to veg but Russ called when I was leaving work and invited me over to have dinner at his place and watch a movie. It was a pleasant surprise and the traffic wasn't bad. And it was nice to do something outside of just going home. He even had a gift for me! Not that it was a valentine’s gift but something he had bought for me but never got a chance to give me, a cool Harry Potter movie poster. It was really sweet. And I was very glad I went.
Later that night I got a text from Peter, who had been texting me throughout the day, asking if any of my valentines surprised me. I'm thinkin... What valentines? hehe So he sent me this picture with this caption. Awh... Too sweet!
So its only a pic, but now u cant say u didnt get flowers today (from a guy other then family)hehe
I wasn’t sure what to expect for Valentines Day. I’ve never been really big on it, even when I was dating someone. But the day was filled with great surprises and I couldn’t have asked for anything more! It was a great day all around. I really do have some awesome friends.
My Weekend - Tonight I went to Sheila's birthday party. I was drained from the week and today was a hectic day at work, especially considering it was Friday (usually I'm twiddling my thumbs but not today)! I guess it's a Friday before an extended weekend so I really wanted to have stuff done for when I return to work Tuesday.
Tomorrow I plan on sleeping in and I need to make a run to the store to pick up some necessities and I plan on cleaning ALL weekend! Rachel's stepson is turning 13 and they are having a big coming of age party for him in the early evening. Sunday I don't have any plans other then more cleaning. Monday I plan on finishing up my cleaning and that evening I have a bridal shower to go to for Rashaell. And then it'll be back to the grind.
So my site was down for a day. Not sure what happened as I never got a reply to my email I sent to the webmaster. Either way I really just need to get my site transferred over to 1and1.com but I've just been dragging my feet to get it done. I know my site will be down for a bit and I'd have to upload the entire thing to the new server and that's not an easy task... My site is quite extensive with all the pictures I post.
My last entry I mentioned posting a couple of the random pictures I've taken recently... Here they are
Odd perspective of my nephew Bailey in my back seat
Bailey trying to duck the camera
Just a pretty view on my lunch walk in Ontario
Just liked the sign
Closeup
3 faves - lines, texture and perspective (the coloring is cool too)
I had a fantastic time in Santa Monica with my friends Andie, Rachel and Tom! I really needed it! I got away from the every day drama. The weather was absolutely gorgeous! And there was nothing in particular that happened to make it special but it was a memorable day.
Here are a few of my favorite pics...
Architecture is great for lines
I actually liked the richness of the colors in this shot
Sunsets are always amazing
I loved the mist in this shot
Carousel on crack! hehe
Sweet moment between Rach and Tom
The next shot
Real mature guys! hehe Ok so I made you do it hehe
Awh... I love my friends
Tom suggested they pose "mad sexy"
Laughing about their "mad sexy" skillz
Great pic of us girls, go Tom!
Rach took this pic, I liked how it turned out
My best friend turned 30 today... Happy Birthday Rach!
Rach and I got on the subject of how amazing love actually is, that people can truly love you, even with all your faults. I think lately I’ve seen a lot of relationships that aren’t based on love but rather convenience or a need. I admire Rachel's marriage. It's had its rough times but it's only gotten stronger because they chose to make it work. And looking at their relationship now, it was so worth making that effort! So many people think love is only a feeling but it's also a decision!
I find it fascinating to see the different dynamics that cause people to be drawn to one another. Sure physical attraction is involved but there is so much more! I’ve always enjoyed hearing how people get together. In my recent dating history I've met a lot of different personalities and realized some traits I don't think I could live with, and some traits that I really admire and am drawn to. One being: independence. It really bothers me when a guy can't be alone for any length of time. Possibly because I am fairly independent myself and would hope to find someone that I could spend time with but also have my independence. A needy guy just wouldn't do that. Also I tend to view a guy who can’t be alone as someone who doesn’t know who he truly is, and requires a relationship to define him. I say this referring to guys but it works both ways, I feel the same about women that can’t be alone. Yet there are some guys I've talked to that really like a girl to be a little needy and dependent. I’m not saying I don’t have my needy moments. Insecurities bring out the worst kind of neediness in me. But with some of the serious self evaluation I’ve done over the last year and a half, I’ve come to realize quite a bit about myself and truly feel that my next relationship will be nothing like the others because of the changes deep inside.
I know I’m beautiful. Sure, my body isn’t what I would like it to be, but it’s not like I’m not doing anything to change that. I’ve come to appreciate what I look like. It took a long time to get over the seriously warped view I had of myself in high school. I still sometimes see that ugly reflection when I look in the mirror. It’s surprising how blind we can be to our own beauty.
So nothing too exciting is going on. I've been hanging out with friends, working on some graphic projects but not as consistently as last week. I'm looking forward to my weekend plans. I've also been taking my little point-and-shoot camera with me everywhere I go and find it fun to just take some random artistic shots. I may repost this with a couple of the pics attached.
I was chatting with my friend who just broke up with his girlfriend officially after going back and forth and he reminded me of how happy I am that I am not a needy person. Or maybe I should rephrase that... I'm happy that I'm an independent person. I don't *need* to be in a relationship to be happy. Sure I'd love to meet someone and have a relationship but I'm by no means desperate for that. Though ironically, last night I struggled with some loneliness. Maybe it's that Valentines Day is right around the corner, which has never affected me that much before so I highly doubt that’s it. I think it's that there is a desire for companionship and the male friendships I have in my life aren’t enough to make up for the lack of it. I pulled back from dating for a reason, I was tired of it. I don't really feel like dating for the sake of dating. And the loneliness hits for a short time. It started last night and was gone this afternoon. I was discussing my feelings with Jason, my self-appointed life coach (hehe), and he pointed out some things that may be impacting my ability to define what it is I truly want. I always like getting an objective opinion.
So I've spent the majority of my day on my butt watching tv and its been fabulous! I enjoy days like this. You wouldn't think I had a lot on my mind but I did. I went to a bridal fair this morning with Rachel and Rashaell because I'm taking pictures for Rashaell's wedding in March and we were hoping to get some ideas of what type of shots to take.
I saw a lot of booths with the typical wedding photography... yawn...
Until I recognized this guy, George Sillas. I recognized him but never knew he was a photographer. I went into his booth and was blown away by his work; awed actually. His style is so incredible and unique. I was immediately intimidated about taking pictures for Rashaell, knowing I could never reproduce such amazing photos, at least not with a month or even a year of preparation. Anyways, he explained that he's always loved photography, that it’s been a hobby, but has been doing it professionally for 2 years. He's pricy but I'm seriously thinking I will just have to budget his price for my wedding! Hopefully he doesn't go up too much higher by the time I end up getting married! Or I'll just have to marry someone rich. hehe Anyways, back to the bridal fair... I saw a couple other photographers that were close to the quality of his but everything else seemed so boring after his pictures.
I've never liked the idea of getting into wedding photography. I was never that impressed with the artistry of wedding photos. Well actually I saw one of my very first impressive wedding photographers from my coworker Mike's wedding photos. They used Joel Eckman Maus for their engagement and wedding photos. He sent me a link of his and Rocquel's wedding pictures and I was very impressed by the style! It was unique, and as Mike said "young and fresh".
As I sat watching tv today I was mulling over the concept of feeling intimidated and out of my element with wedding photography. How, if I had the financial freedom, I might not feel so confined. The equipment does make a difference. But honestly it's about applying myself, putting the energy into it. I put so much energy into other things for other people. I thought about how focused Jerry is about his newest business plan. He doesn't sleep much. Works a full time job, plus a commute, is also closing out a business, and starting this new one. How? I know his dedication. I see it. Do I have that kind of focus? Can I learn to say "no" to others while I pursue my dreams? Can I not enjoy a day on my ass watching tv all day? So many people in my life say I'm going too much, doing too many things, I need to slow down. I take days like today to make up for the lack of not stopping during the week. Is that how it should be done? Watching Jerry I see that I need to step up my game a few notches. Or does it go back to my issue with time management? See, I really wasn't zoning out on my couch. I was trying to figure all these things out.
How do I expect to get good at something without practice? I guess one of the issues I have with wedding photography is that it’s a one time deal. You can't just go out another day and get a better shot. Or what if I miss that perfect shot? That moment in time that captured the essence of whom they are as a couple. Man that's a lot of responsibility.
I finally got off the couch and had an email from Rach asking if I'd gone to the photographer’s websites. I hadn't. I was avoiding it actually. It was hard enough to see their stuff in person I wasn't sure if I wanted to look at their websites. But I went. And to my surprise it was less intimidating. I saw the pictures and not all were in perfect focus, or they had some digital enhancement, or shading to hide boring backgrounds. My fears subsided a bit. I realize that Rashaell isn't asking for George Sillas pictures, if I could give her at least a couple awesome shots and learn for the future that's all I could hope for.
It’s amazing how many people don't realize a website is essential nowadays. Going through the booths today I saw some great stuff but they didn't have websites! I didn’t think that was possible. It’s so easy to make and maintain a website I'm just surprised people don't have them! Going to the photography sites (the ones that actually had sites); I judged them by how professional and classy their sites looked as much as the photographs themselves. I can use my knowledge of website design and graphic arts to my advantage.
People have asked me to take family or event pictures and honestly I would much rather do that then weddings. But I think I just need to keep doing it. I'm no where near the knowledge for professional photography but I think I've made the decision to make myself professional… Whatever it takes.
Joshua and I were chatting the other day and we discussed going back to school. He told me he spends his spare time reading programming books. I have thought a lot about how his passion for programming makes it enjoyable even to learn on his off time. Rachel pointed out that the only thing in my life that has held my attention for very long is photography. So I have to ask myself, why haven't I continued to learn? I loved ALL my photography classes! I still have so much to learn. I've always known photography was a very competitive career choice and knowing I am not competitive by nature I never thought to go forward with a degree in it. Now I'm rethinking that. Joshua joked that I needed to just get married... to a rich guy... so I could fulfill my two passions... Photography and Travel.
I told Jerry I want to be his personal assistant so that I can travel the world and take pictures all along the way. When Jerry actually said it was a possibility it made me realize how much I want to be doing something I love. Both Jerry and Joshua are pursuing what makes them the most happy, I'm guessing that's the key to staying focused and enjoying every step of the way.
Friday - Considering the drama at work I am quite surprised my weekend turned out as well as it did! I look back and realize I shouldn't have cared as much as I did about other people’s stupidity, but it did mess with my emotions over the weekend and I finally decided it wasn't worth making a formal complaint. I have the complaint ready if the time comes to bring it out. The extended weekend was helpful; I was able to go through the gamut of emotions. Friday after the initial outrage I was in the laughing stage. My coworker who was in the laughing stage most of Friday told me today he went through all the emotions as well so I didn’t feel so bad about struggling with the situation and how it was handled. I am glad I went over to Jerry's right after work, I had a good time. I showed him some tricks for his site and we went out to dinner for his birthday. It wasn't too late of a night. I was home by midnight.
Saturday - I slept in a little but had a few things I wanted to accomplish. I went tanning, then over to Heidi's work and got my hair cut. She found out I was off Monday so she scheduled to have me come in to get my color redone. I spent some time talking to my friend Peter in Washington. He is a crackup and we had a lot of catching up to do since it had been 3 weeks since we'd talked! I can't remember what else I did so it must not have been much.
Sunday - After church I went out to lunch with Mike and Heidi and they came back to our place to watch movies. I took a 2 hour nap and then got up to watch movies with them. It was kind of nice. I don't get to hang out with them too often. It was a pretty mellow day.
Monday - I slept in, cleaned my bathroom, got to Heidi's work at about 1pm to get my hair done, and made my way down to Burbank at about 3pm to hang out with Russ. The drive wasn't too bad, a little traffic heading down the 15 but once I got on the 210 it was beautiful! The clouds were all stormy but the sun was setting below them and it made everything look majestic! That stretch of drive alone was worth the trip! Though I did enjoy hanging out with Russ. I always do. I ended up staying later then I should have considering I had to be at work this morning! I got home by 1:30am and was in bed by 2am and I'm feeling it right about now.
Yeah, a nice weekend! I felt I got a lot accomplished as well as enjoyed some downtime. What more could you ask for? I even have a fairly mellow week ahead of me! I'm going out with the girls Friday for Rachel's birthday. Our traditional Red Robin + movie outing. Tomorrow David and I are going to try and stop by Sweet Addictions to say hello to Annette and get some goodies. David's never been to Annette's bakery and really wanted to check it out.
Anyways, that's about it for now... Its so sad when someone young in Hollywood dies. It's a bit surreal that Heath Ledger is dead.
One more day, only one more day till an extended weekend! I had every intention of driving up PCH but finances are such that I don't see that happening. I do want to make a day trip somewhere local to take pictures, I just haven't figured out where. I want to stop by and see my friend Russ too. Not sure, maybe I'll just get on the road and go where it leads me. We'll see. I may even end up staying home.
So we have a temporary addition to our place. My brother's friend. Not sure how long he'll be staying. But he's going through a rough time of things at home. Now it's three guys and a girl. You can imagine what that means for my choice of what shows we watch. I wasn't home till late last night so it hasn't really affected me.
Tonight I have to run to the grocery store. I'm out of everything. I also I got something in the mail that Jerry will be anxious to get his hands on so I can't imagine him not wanting me to stop by to drop it off tonight. I really need some downtime but I'm even excited to see this stuff. I also need to stop by my sisters tonight. I'm hoping she will trim up my bangs as they have become unmanageable. Today I just pulled them up in a clip it was so bad.
I'm currenly reading "Stardust" by Neil Gaiman. Tim recommended that I read it. And I liked the movie so much I wanted to read the original story. So I'm going to go read until I have to start the end of the day stuff, yes its really that quiet today.
Life is getting back to normal after the holidays. Though the whole new years reflection is still in full swing! I've always enjoyed a fresh start, whether it is a new week, a new year or a new decade. Something about turning 30 a few months ago filled me with hope/excitement for starting the new book in a series called A Chair’s Life. ;) hehe
I went through a fast (it was an all-church fast) that has impacted my way of thinking in a unique way. I wasn't sure what to expect. I have fasted before but there was something making me more determined in this fast. I was determined to grow up. I know that may sound odd but as a kid I was always encouraged to fast but if it wasn't food just that I denied myself something. I always had excuses not to fast. This time I wasn't going to do that. I don't live under my parent’s roof and I wanted to do it for me and my relationship with God. Since this was an all-church fast we chose to break it on a Sunday and we were all supposed to bring soups. I've always used my mom as a crutch not to make food for events like this. My mom even gave me an out and said she was bringing enough soup for me too. I made another grown up choice, I actually made a soup! This sounds silly typing out but in all actuality I'm dead serious.
The way this fast has impacted my thinking is realizing denying myself things (like foods), such as my daily morning starbucks really isn't that hard. I made excuses, "I'm just too tired and I need the caffeine"... Jason would say, "Sounds like a belief to me." hehe And he'd be right (… again)! It was just a belief. I love starbucks! Their peppermint mocha's are my favorite. But the financial strain of stopping by starbucks every morning was showing up on my budget! I think of all the benefits of cutting out my morning starbucks; it helps me financially as well as being weight conscious. Tomorrow will be 1 week without a starbucks. Go me! :) hehe
This one item has made me take a good hard look at other "beliefs" in my life. I'm sure there are a lot I'm still unaware of but a few have been brought to the forefront of my mind and I'm currently working on them. It's odd because I really do feel like I'm finally "growing up" at 30 years old! LOL!
So I put on a few pounds during the holidays and am glad to say that I have lost them and a few extra! I've been careful and getting back on a routine. I have also been trying to get to bed earlier and wake up earlier. So far, going to bed earlier hasn't happened other then last night when I wasn't feeling so hot. But I've been able to at least get up by 6:30 rather then 7. It's a start. I still want to get up by at least 6 and maybe eventually as early as 5:30. It's always harder during winter to get up when it's still so dark! I don't know how some of my friends do it! Waking up before the buttcrack of dawn, as early as 4am in some cases!
This week has been pretty mellow. I've made it that way. I really want things to stay as quiet as possible. I tend to get too involved in doing too many things and I never have time for myself. I haven't gotten the motivation to do anything for me just yet (like taking down Christmas decorations! or updating my online album, etc), but I figure that will come after I get used to the peace and quiet. But tonight I have to drive down to Irvine for my laser appointment. On my way back I'm going to drop off some stuff at Jerry's. Tomorrow night I'm going out with some of the linkLINE crew (most of them ex-linkLINE employees)… Tim, Annette, Carlos, Nancy, David, Erin and myself. The last time we all got together was right before Christmas 2006! I have a picture; I'll definitely take a picture tomorrow and maybe post them side by side. hehe We're even going to Red Robin again! I'm definitely looking forward to it. I miss those guys.
Well I think that's it for now. No pictures to post. I haven't really been motivated to go through them all. I took some pictures of the snow earlier this week. It was such a beautiful drive to work Monday morning! On Sunday night I was driving home from hanging out with Jerry and got to drive through the pass while it was snowing! It's so rare to see that in Cali. I like to enjoy it while I can.
I am beginning to think I write best at night. During the day there are so many other distractions that you can’t sit and dwell on your internal thoughts.
So here we are, another new year ahead of me. Life is good. Thanks for those of you who commented on my last post. It was pretty hardcore and could have been a bit uncomfortable to read. I hadn’t intended on my last post going so long without another one to explain the outcome of the feelings I felt that night, but my website was having problems. linkLINE took it down and when it was put back up I wasn’t given enough space to make updates.
I think everyone goes through a nostalgic state of remembrance during the New Year. It’s a time to reflect on past situations and new outlooks. I have struggled with a few negative perspectives but overall I have an optimistic expectation to this coming year and what it has to offer.
I was pretty rough on some of the people (men) in my life in my last post. I was looking to them to remind me of who I am. This was my biggest mistake. Luckily that is remedied now. I watched “the Secret” again. It’s always helpful to get your mind off of the negative and onto something better. I also reviewed “The Work” by Byron Katie. It poses 4 questions that will help you look at things differently every time! I stopped myself from thinking of the negative things and just imagined myself doing the things that make me happy. This included traveling and taking pictures, this is one of my goals I have set for my life, not just this year.
But speaking of goals, I have a lot of goals set for myself this year. Last year I was on the right track but somewhere after summer I lost sight of where I was going. To be a little more honest then I am used to (I think this is becoming more habit then a rarity), Sam’s engagement caused a lot of internal struggles and insecurities to surface. I thought I was dealing with the emotions well but it appears that I was just projecting them off on other situations. Now that I found the core problem (*not* Sam’s engagement, something deeper), I was able to face the incorrect outlook and have been moving forward.
Since I have adjusted my mindset I have been pleasantly surprised by the people, friends and even the men in my life! I think because I’ve stopped focusing on the lack but rather the abundance in my life, I am attracting more of that. “What you think about you bring about.” Better yet! Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” I’d rather be thinking about driving up PCH with the windows down and my music blaring then how a friend didn’t treat me the way I wanted to be treated. Which, btw I plan on making that drive this month sometime!
It goes back to the 4 questions… I’ll leave you with them…
What an unexpected day all around! Full of emotional ups and downs. I had a fairly mellow day at work. I had some projects for accounting to do so I was able to focus on those since it was so quiet. My friend James met me for lunch! It was great to see him. It's so odd to have only seen him in person twice but to feel I know him so well! I guess 8 years will do that. I was bummed when my time was up and I had to get back to work. I really appreciated that he came out of his way to meet up with me even if it was only for my hour lunch break. Thanks James!
So I've been struggling with some insecurities in the last few days. Not sure that I want to share them at this time, but I'm too awake to get to sleep even if it is 1am. Mostly it’s about feeling rejection from a number of people in my life, and yes mostly men. I have been fighting some negative thoughts about how I feel the people in my life view me. I'm tired that I don't have someone for me. Yes, I stood in my sisters bathroom tonight thinking to myself, damnit how selfish can I be?! I felt like I was in a full on pity party (ok so I was). Yet, it's true. I have people in my life that enjoy my company, yet aren't really there for me. I am the one pursuing the friendship or I feel interrupted when I try to share or that what's going on in my life is trivial in comparison to what's going on in theirs. It’s something I've suppressed for a while with these certain individuals. I guess today was the straw that broke the camels back.
I want to be valued, appreciated, even to know that I'm someone of interest to others. I know it's their loss. Sadly most of them I can explain away. I make up excuses for their behavior... repeated behavior! But I know I'm worth something. I'm worth making an effort to get to know. I'm interesting and lovable and have a lot to offer. I'm not talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I'm talking just in friendship! Again, it's their loss. I want to say well that's it, I'm done trying, but being the silly people pleaser that I am, I don't see that happening but I do plan on making some changes.
I'm ahead of myself. So after work I head up the 15 through holiday Vegas traffic. I'm a little frazzled as I have been all week driving with a bunch of people that decided never to drive on the roads until Christmas comes around and have forgotten how to drive! Yes, I admit I have a road rage problem! But anyone that commutes knows my pain! Christmas sucks because it brings people out that aren't very used to freeway driving. I thought driving with a bunch of commuters was bad, nope! Non-commuters are the worst! They screw up the flow of traffic! Oh yes, I could go on a mile long tangent about the stupid drivers of the world but that isn't what I feel I need to get off my chest with this post.
I get to my parents place for the Christmas party and walk into hell! That straw... well it opened its mouth the moment I walked through their front door. Sadly I lost it. I was pissed and really just wanted to leave. I went up to my sister’s bathroom and just started crying... all the fear and rejection came flooding to the surface. Not from that one person but the others before. All the horrible insecurities I'd been trying to fight the last few days, maybe even weeks, boiled to the surface and I sat there wishing, hoping, for anyone to show any sign that they cared about me... Cared what was wrong, why I hadn't walked in my normal jovial self. No one came. I didn't give them much time. I was fighting to suppress the tears as quickly as they came. I went downstairs and even tried to let it go. It didn't work! I wanted to scream and tell someone to come rescue me from these emotions. Come tell me that I'm loved and accepted just as I am. Tell me how these stupid little people aren't worth my concern.
People tried. Rashaell made a valiant effort to let me know I was loved. But God knew what I needed. My best friend Rachel came to my rescue. She came over, gave me a hug, let me vent about the silly little things on my heart that I just wanted someone to listen to all the way through without interrupting with their own issues, someone to care enough to be there for me and not themselves. She was the one. Silent, in agreement in all the places I wanted to be backed up on my thoughts and frustrations. My sister prayed with me and suddenly my heart finally felt peace. From the moment I walked into my parents house that night I felt an inner rage, my heart was tense and angry and I did everything in my own power to make it go away but nothing helped but prayer.
I came back in and those that looked concerned I gave hugs to and let them know I was doing much better. People did care. I was just so angry no one knew how to approach me. Sadly no one knew how to approach me to help. I love my church family. They are like my immediate family. I felt loved in return. Dale was the tenderest of them all, he was so concerned and expressed how he doesn’t like to see me so upset. I almost started crying all over again.
Why is it that we can feel so alone sometimes in a room full of people that love you? I love writing. This is not where this post was going when I sat down to write it out, but it’s where it went. Writing is very therapeutic for me. I understand this may be a bit more “real” then people are used to from me but I’ve been on a kick of being uncharacteristically honest with some people.
I found out once that an ex of Sam’s found my blog and called me emotionally unstable after reading it. (This is of course when Sam and I were dating) I was always wondering how she could think so since I write from the heart and most people would agree they have felt something similar to what I’ve shared above. I usually don’t write when I’m sad anymore. I never like to focus on those feelings. But tonight I needed to work through some thoughts. It’s now almost 2am, I really should be in bed.
Oh but the night hasn’t even begun to be explained! After “miracle worker” Rachel helped me I found myself rejuvenated to help others. To care again about how or what they are going through. It’s not that I want it always to be about me, it’s just that sometimes the people I’m there for aren’t meant to be there for me. Eh, I’m still working through all the thoughts. Not too sure where this is all going to go. But the night went on as if nothing happened. All the strain, the pressure of pushing the emotions down, was lifted. I was my usual jovial self.
I stayed the latest and spent some time talking with my friend Brandie but when my mom was heading to bed I realized it was time to head out. Some friends from my wannabe goth days were having a Christmas party and really wanted me to stop by. I had already said yes prior to this insanely emotionally draining evening, so I decided to make an appearance. It does feel at times you walk through a portal of time, but time that allows the people in it to age. Hehe I walked in and felt at home! I haven’t seen some of these guys in years! Joe and Ericka made me feel so welcome. I was even thrown into a gift exchange without having brought any gifts! They bring extras apparently! I took a few pics, caught up on everyone’s happenings and then made my way home at a bit after midnight, which was much longer then I expected. I left actually thankful I made the stop.
And now since I took some time to look through the pics it’s nearing 3am! I must go to sleep even if tomorrow is Saturday! I have a lot to do tomorrow!
It's been (and will be) a full week. The holidays always make for a chaotic schedule. But it's full of fun! Right now I'm struggling to focus because the pain from my cramps is a bit overwhelming. bleh... (One reason I dislike being a woman)
So Monday I had to make a quick detour to Redlands for a Christmas present for Heidi which sadly my mom let the cat out of the bag when I called for advice. So Heidi now knows what she's getting from me for Christmas, oh well. As I was driving there my friend Tracy called. He was heading up to Victorville to pick up a check from a client so we decided to meet up at Starbucks. He and I usually meet down in Ontario so it felt odd meeting him locally. I rarely get to hang out with any of my Rancho friends up in Victorville. Who would want to? ;) hehe
Last night I met up with Jerry at his place. He's been really busy with his project (I'm going to check with him to confirm I can share it) and I have been helping out as much as I can. I was pleasantly surprised I was able to spend any time hangin’ out with him before the holidays! It wasn't a late night. I was heading home by 8:30. At dinner I asked him about the direction I should take my photography. He has a lot of great ideas, almost to a fault; (being the nice friend that I am hehe) I decided to pick his brain, even if he is fully submersed in his current project which seems to be taking off like wildfire! In the last week so much has moved forward, it's exciting to watch it come together for him. He's got a great head for business and money. I know I can learn a lot from him.
As I was driving home he called me with an idea for a direction I can take my photography! What can I say? He's that good. ;) hehe I took some time last night and thought it through. I have to find out if I'm serious enough to do what it takes to get it done. I'm young enough. I don't want to waste any more time. I just don't know if I want to give up my life outside of a full time job to devote to an additional business. I know Jerry has that kind of passion and drive; I'm just not sure if I do. This was my one concern about taking the first step forward. I've talked to a couple people about it and I may just do it.
I guess there is a fear that's causing me to hesitate. I'm unsure if my photography has that special edge. I love taking pictures! But are my pictures that special or unique? And some people suggest wedding photography, or pet photography and stuff along those lines, but just like every profession there are different fields/genres and they are definitely not what I like or even what I'm good at! Either way I'm still contemplating it. I'd appreciate anyone's input. Jerry says that if I haven't taken steps toward this concept by the time he returns after the holidays he'll be extremely disappointed. hehe I guess it's the perfect time for this reflection being that it's the time of year for New Years Resolutions, a fresh start, a whole new year to dream up a new direction for my life.
Candlelight Service - So I just got back from the candlelight service at The Place. It was nice. I love my family tradition of the Christmas story with the candle in the darkness. I will definitely pass that one onto my kids. Sadly we didn’t have a children’s performance because the lack of kids that were going to be able to make it tonight. But it was a nice service none-the-less.
Alliance Dinner - Tomorrow night some of us from Alliance are going out to dinner. Joshua isn’t going and no matter how much of a guilt trip I try to give him he doesn’t seem fazed. hehe But Mike is going so I’ll finally get to meet his wife! I’m looking forward to that. Here's a group shot of our Christmas Potluck at the Office.
Meeting with James - So my good friend James is coming down from northern Cali this week and we're meeting up for lunch Friday. Some of you may remember him, he’s the one I've known for years online and we met in person for the first time earlier this year!
He's a cutie and such a rockstar! Check him out! He's the bald one on the right playing the guitar.
The Place's Christmas Party - Friday night I’ve got to rush up the hill for the Christmas party at my parents place for the church. It should be fun. I haven’t decided if I’m dressing up or going casual. It’s an ornament exchange so I bought the cute little snow globe ornament from Starbucks that way if I end up with it I’ll be happy!
Victorville Motors Christmas Party - I went to Andie's company Christmas Party last Saturday and had an absolute blast! I haven't let loose like that in a LONG time! They had a great atmosphere, awesome DJ and Andie's coworkers are a lot of fun!
Beginning of the evening
Being silly
Getting Crazy
No Comment
They had a young lion and tiger there as well as the monkey from Pirates of the Caribbean, Night at the Museum and Ross’s pet on Friends. I got my picture taken with him and he was such a sweet little thing! I was standing there and he was doing what monkeys do, climb all over. They made me take off my glasses because he’d most likely grab them. When the handler called him back he looked at me, then the handler and then gave me a hug! I swear the entire line “awh’d”! It was precious. Then he looked at me and started talking and singing. The picture I kept was the one where he’s talking to me. It was one of the most memorable moments of the evening.
And I’m changing my rule; I’m going to post a picture or two on my blogs at least. Then I’ll upload them all to my album, hopefully in a reasonable amount of time. I know I never even shared pics of Montana! If you’re on myspace you’re lucky cause then you’ve at least seen those pictures.
Random/Misc. Stuff - My friend Kristen filled one of these out so I’m sharing my results.
Wow! What a productive weekend! I’ve accomplished so much! I’m exhausted but it feels good to have so much done. I have a lot more to do and I think I’m going to tell all my friends I’m unavailable in the evenings until I accomplish everything. And at this point I have nothing scheduled this week other then crashing Drew and Heather’s place Tuesday night. I guess crashing isn’t the right word since they know about it huh?
I’m currently looking at a purty new flat screen monitor that my brother is “storing” for a client. Basically it’s permanently placed in my brothers keeping and he decided to be nice and let me use it! Yay!
So Russ called and pulled me away from this post. We've been playing phone tag since his birthday so two (plus) hours later I’m heading off to bed. I’ll finish this post tomorrow...
Well it's Monday. The dreaded Monday. I had a hard time being at work today. I knew with everything I did over the weekend it would be hard to start a new week without having really gotten a chance to relax. I was also up later then I should have been talking to Russ but I was enjoying the conversation.
So I just looked back and I didn't explain anything about the Christmas potluck last Monday. If only all Mondays were that fun! I took a few pictures but the main one is a group shot. Again I’m going to have to post pictures later.
Last week was ok, though I found myself pretty bored of the mundane by Thursday morning and the rest of my day I was not a happy camper.
Friday night I went over to Rachel's and a bunch of us girls made Christmas cards! I haven't done handmade cards in a LONG time! It was A LOT of fun! I was actually surprised. But realistically I'm surprised I haven't thought to do it sooner, my joy in graphics is all about the layout. Making cards worked great with that!
Saturday I went Christmas shopping with Rachel in the morning, went to the grocery store after that and then Andie came over that night. My cousin Joey called to ask me if I wanted to make Christmas candy with her and I told her I'd be right over (wink, wink since she lives in Co. and all, it makes it a bit impossible to just drop right by, as much as I wish I could!). She suggested I go to the store and pick up the ingredients for the best fudge ever and gave me the directions for how to make it if I wanted to make it with her. I decided to hold off and pick up the stuff to make it after church. It was sweet that she called and I was really happy to get a new recipe to try out.
Sunday after church I went to pick up the stuff to make the fudge and when I got home I sat and relaxed for a bit but then decided it was the night to make a dinner for Brian, Mike and I as well as try this new fudge. I started with the fudge so it could set. Then I cooked dinner, one of my first! I made the pampered chefs taco ring. Mike and Brian both really liked it. :) Since Mike is a self proclaimed trash compactor his opinion was valued but not as highly as my ultra picky brother's opinion. Both said it was really good. I even baked a cake! It was a full day of cooking. Mike was nice enough to be on cleanup duty. And even later I took out the Christmas stuff and decorated the living room while cleaning along the way!
Yup... good weekend!
*Another break from my post…* I'm just getting home from going to dinner with Barbara. She's left me thinking about a lot of things and has challenged me to do something I wasn't thinking needed to be done. Thanks a lot! We'll see where it goes and how it turns out. Wish me luck!
I’ve had a fairly productive weekend. Saturday I was able to clean the kitchen (which really needed it), do the photo shoot of Misty’s family and the shoot for Poet Sky. I hadn’t done laundry since before my trip to Montana so I caught up on that. Today after church and a much needed nap, I cleaned my bathroom and organized the pictures from the photo shoots so that I can give them the best shots. I still need to clean my room and decorate for Christmas but I figure that can be done little by little during the week. I am still not 100% which is part of the reason I desperately needed a nap, I felt I was overdoing it a bit.
Alliance Christmas Potluck - Tomorrow we’re having the Alliance Christmas Potluck. We opted out of a Christmas party this year since we were told it meant more money on our bonus checks if we didn’t. I will make sure to take pictures. The office was decorated last week and it looks really nice. If I don’t get any decorations up at my place I won’t feel bad cause I have plenty of twinkle lights at the office to make up for the lack at home. And pretty much I spend more time at the office then I do at my own place!
Montana - Man I want to share about my trip to Montana but I’m just not sure I have the energy to go into an obnoxiously long post. I’ll do my best to sum up. I wrote about getting to my Cousin Joey’s place in Colorado at about 2am Tuesday night (or I should say Wednesday morning).
11.21.07 - The next morning we woke up at 7 to get back on the road. We got on the road at about 9am and got up to my grandparents place around 6:30pm. There was one section of road that was pretty icy. I was with my cousin Joey and her girls and my sister was driving the truck with my brother and her kids. She lost control and spun out. It was pretty freaky and amazing that no damage was done! They turned completely three times and ended up on the outer bank of the frontage road facing the correct direction and were able to just start driving again. The amazing thing is within a couple of miles my cousin and I saw (no exaggeration!) 15-20 cars unable to recover from their loss of control on the ice! God was definitely watching over Heidi.
It was quite the site to walk into my grandparents place and see all the great grandkids running around playing. It was the epitome of chaos but it was awesome! (The once-in-a-lifetime kind of chaos) I was so thankful to see Shawn and his family there. After our hellos and hanging out for a bit we were assigned the locations we were going to be staying. Brian and I were going to be staying with my cousin Clint, Joey and her kids were joining us. Heidi and the kids were staying with my cousin Kerri. Shawn and his family already claimed my Aunt Darlene’s place. And my parents were going to be staying with my grandparents.
11.22.07 – Thanksgiving Day – My cousin Joey had arranged for she and I to volunteer at a soup kitchen but they had enough volunteers for serving food but needed people to deliver meals, so she and I went as planned but Kerri and Heidi joined us to keep us company and because Kerri knew the location better then Joey. It was quite an interesting experience and if I felt like it I would go into our experiences at a couple of the drops. We made 9 stops and were back to Clint’s place in perfect timing for dinner.
Clint’s place was the only place big enough to fit all the family and I know he wanted to show the place off! Rightfully so, he has a great place! I was thoroughly impressed he was able to decorate himself! It’s not the typical bachelor pad at all! We had great food. Even had snowball fights. Brenda pointed out that Shawn seems to enjoy picking on me. He got me pretty good.
When everyone started to head out, the girls were planning how to tackle the shopping the next morning. I’ve never been one to do the day-after Thanksgiving shopping but it’s a tradition for them so I tag along for the ride. Either way we were going through the paper and all the different specials and planned our route. I didn’t get to bed till midnight but Joey and I were told to be up and ready by 4:45 am!
11.23.07 – Day after thanksgiving shopping – It was Kerri, Heidi, Brenda, Joey and myself all packed into my grandpa’s Jimmy as we took off for our first stop. Even being there when it opened wasn’t enough. The main item on our list was already sold out. But without boring you all with details our shopping didn’t take as long as we expected! The lines were reasonable and the stores organized. The longest wait was at Target. We were done with our shopping by about 10 or 11am! We decided to stop and get brunch.
Sam’s Call - After brunch I was shocked to see Sam on my caller id. He called to tell me he had proposed to Sara. I was immediately thankful he called me! In one of our chats I had asked him to tell me so I wouldn’t find out by someone else. He told me the details of how he proposed. I was genuinely happy for him! I knew it was a matter of time and they seem like a great fit. The call was pleasant and I kept feeling so grateful that our friendship has stayed intact to this level.
It wasn’t till I went back to the table and told my sister I could use a hug that emotions started to arise. I wasn’t sure where they were coming from. I got teary eyed. I know I gave a part of my heart to Sam, and I believe that part was mourning. I didn’t have time to address the emotions because we were on the way back out. I expected that I stuffed the emotions and would have to revisit them later. When I took the time revisit them, I was surprised that I wasn’t emotional. And if I think about it, 4 hours of sleep and a hectic morning might have been the only reason tears of any kind were shed! I mean even now I am so very happy for him.
Heidi’s job - After we got back from shopping we had no time to relax and catch up on much needed sleep. Heidi was set to do everyone’s hair at Darlene’s place. The house was full and busy but it was good. I got my second wind and had a fairly decent night.
11.24.07 - Portraits - I was able to sleep till a normal time this day. I took my time getting ready since we had to be dressy for the family portrait. Clint, Brian and I just had to be down at the coop by noon for pictures and the surprise party was immediately afterwards. I helped my aunt finish up some of the last minute stuff for the party when I got there. A couple family members were late so the pictures didn’t start on time. The photographer noticed my camera and apparently I had a better model then he had! Hehe He seemed impressed and even asked to take pictures with my camera as well as his. He said my camera was the Cadillac of cameras and his was a cheaper model. I can’t remember which car he referred to his as, something like a dodge neon. So we got a family portrait. 36 of us total! Crazy!
Grandpa’s Surprise 90th birthday party – The party was a John Deere theme of course. It was setup where we took our pictures so all my grandpa thought was that he was going to the coop for pictures but once he got there he saw the setup. Because of the late start with the pictures people were arriving before we were done. The party was a success and I could tell my grandpa felt special.
After the party and the cleanup we went back to my grandparent’s farm to watch him open his presents. The sun hadn’t completely set so I rushed around to get some shots of the farm. My grandparents have been talking about moving into an assisted living place for the last couple of years and we’re not sure how much longer they are going to be at the farm.
Once we got through the gifts we realized grandpa needed some rest and it was our last night there so we decided to go to the movies. The kids all wanted to see “Enchanted” and I can’t lie, I actually thought it would be interesting to see. Joey, Nate and Bailey chose to go see Fred Claus but the rest of us went to Enchanted. It was cute. Again I got to bed at midnight and had to be packed and on the road by 4:30 am!
11.25.07 - Brian and I were on the road by 4:30! I was impressed. We had to drive over to Kerri’s place to pick up Heidi and the kids. We were 1 mile from our exit when a deer jumped out from the left and we hit it! I remember it feeling like both sets of tires ran over it. It happened so fast! I could hear something dragging and I was afraid to find out it was part of the deer. So we pulled over and Brian went to check it out and I stayed just in case it was a bloody mess… Brian’s mouth dropped open when he looked at the damage and told me to come out. I tried to open the door but it was jammed shut!
We weren’t sure what to do so we drove the couple miles to my cousin’s place to come up with a game plan. I crawled through the driver’s side and saw that the wheel well was what was dragging as we drove. The whole front right side was totaled! And no sign of blood but a tiny little bit of hair. We got inside and Brian decided to try to get in touch with his insurance company and also the highway patrol so they could write up a report for insurance purposes. We weren’t sure if we were going to be able to drive it home or what! My cousin Joey and her family stopped by on their way back to Colorado and said they couldn’t see a deer anywhere on the side of the road. Nate is a mechanic so he checked out the truck and said it looked drivable. We slept on and off waiting for call backs from the police and insurance people. The police ended up not coming because we left the scene. Brian’s insurance wasn’t available since it was Sunday. So my dad, grandpa, and Uncle Tom stopped by to help clean up and make it drivable. Before we knew it, it was noon!
At about 2:30 we decided to go visit our grandparents. Brian and I were talking and decided that it might be best to leave that night. Our only concern was that with only one headlight we would be more likely to get pulled over. Brian not having a valid driver’s license meant I would have to pull off the night driving. I’ve been on long road trips but not usually behind the wheel. I felt confident so I agreed to do it. We got on the road at about 7:30pm. I was a little panicked for the first 3 hours of the drive because we were in prime deer area and I kept reliving the deer that morning jumping out with no time to react. I only had one headlight but the sky was clear and there was a full moon. I could actually see the deer grazing which helped in some ways, in others it just made me more paranoid of them jumping out at me! Hehe Apparently hitting the deer impacted me because I started to see things after a while. But in the prime deer spots I would just pray in my tongue the whole time. I had a bit of tense driving through Yellowstone. The temp got as low as 5 degrees and the roads were icy in spots.
I got pulled over twice. After I explained the situation they were cool. One guy in Idaho said I was also speeding, going 73 in a 65 zone. Luckily he was cool and didn’t give me a ticket. I drove straight through till 2:30am and then asked Heidi if she could take over for a little bit so I could rest my eyes. She was only able to pull 2 hours before she had to have me take over again. So I got back on the road at 4:30 till about 6:30 when the sun was coming up and Brian took over and I slept. Heidi took over from Vegas on and we got home about 1pm!
There you have it… Our adventures to, from and in Montana!
It’s late. I have more to write but I really need to get to sleep, and besides this is already a long post. Night!
For the last day or two I've been in a really happy mood. Yes, I have concerns about the financial strain this trip to Montana is going to be, but all-in-all I'm looking at it as an adventure and a way to see God move on behalf of my finances! At church Sunday my dad talked about how we need to rejoice in difficult circumstances because it means we can see God work on our behalf. That statement struck me and I have thought about it a lot this week. I know it's important that I make this trip to Montana, it's one of those things that you just know you *have* to do, you don't necessarily have a choice. I have to take two days off without pay. I have no more vacation time (Fiji took the bulk of it). And I did get a raise a short time ago but I haven't leveled out yet and it’s been a difficult couple of months financially.
We're estimating my portion of the cost in gas for this trip to be 250.00, by far cheaper then a plane ticket but still a hard amount to swallow. I've looked at my bills, it's doable with pushing off a bill or two but I wouldn't have money when I'm out there or for the time on the road. I decided to practice what my dad preached Sunday. I put it out there and just said, "Lord, you know my financial situation, I'm looking forward to seeing you work on my behalf! I'm going to trust you to help me with the finances for the $250.00."
That night my brother Brian called and asked if I could do a job for one of his clients, updating basic information on their website. When I asked him how much he said, about $250.00... !!!! Holy cow! It works! :D I shouldn't be surprised but I always am! Now if I can just keep this mentality for all areas of my life. Why is it so difficult to know God is there for me ALL the time if I just trust in Him?
My Week - I thought this week was going to be mellow but it turned out to be rather busy! I've been trying to help Jerry as much as I can with a new project he's working on. We've talked a lot and he dropped off a cd then he had to pick it right back up again later. Its stuff he wants added to his website that I've been helping him setup. I'm excited for him! It's cool to see it all come together. I know I said I'd be promoting it here but it's not ready just yet. Also Jason has asked me to work on some graphics for him and I've not been able to work on those. I promised him today that I will sit down with them Saturday. Joshua at work has been encouraging me to put myself back into the graphic industry. He seems to think I have some talent which is always nice to hear. And it seems that someone upstairs is opening the doors to do more with graphics.
I was asked out to dinner Tuesday night. I had a good time. I've known him for a while but we've never gotten together till that night. Looks like we'll get together again too... Wednesday was mid week service. Thursday (today) I am driving down to Irvine after work for my laser appointment and will make a detour to the beach. Friday night I have a birthday party to go to. I'm really looking forward to it. It’s with a bunch of women that I absolutely adore and I've been told we're having a karaoke machine with all Depeche Mode songs! Should be a blast! I plan on taking my camera so you'll be getting to see the fun.
So my extended weekend came and went. I’m sitting at my cluttered desk. I am doing some laundry, did some dishes, and have taken the earlier part of the day easy. Brian and I went to see American Gangster down at Victoria Gardens earlier this afternoon. It’s a decent movie, pretty stinkin long though! My friend Jerry didn’t think Denzel played a convincing gangster, I thought he did alright. I should be cleaning my desk and working on some graphics for Jason. Maybe I’ll get to it later tonight. It feels much later then it actually is.
Drive to Montana - Right now my brother Shawn is chatting with me about our trip to Montana. Turns out he and his family are driving up from Texas to Colorado Saturday, spending the night at my cousin Joey’s and then making the rest of the trip up to Montana. I can’t afford to take any more time off work then I already am. This means I can’t leave till Monday night after work! So I think I’ve mentioned that I’m going to be driving up to Montana with Brian, Heidi and her two kids. We did this back in November 2005 and it was not easy. But it’s my grandpa’s 90th birthday and the flights were just too expensive. It was originally going to be just Brian and me but Heidi was able to make it and to our surprise the kids are coming too! I’m excited she and the kids can come but it does make the plans a little more complicated. Either way, Shawn originally wanted us to drive through Colorado and meet up with him and we’d all caravan. But now that he’s going up earlier we’re trying to calculate what the best route is. If we don’t go to Colorado Brian is saying we have to make the full trip without stops. I’m trying to convince him to still meet up with Joey in Colorado and finish up the rest of the trip together. Joey wants me to keep her company on the drive from Colorado to Montana (her husband Nate will have to fly out Friday after thanksgiving). My niece and I could go with Joey and that would leave more room in my brother’s truck. It’s a thought. And I’m pretty sure I have Brian convinced that the extra tank of gas is worth it to be able to stop and sleep.
I’ve also found out that they are planning a family portrait… A HUGE family portrait since we’re ALL going to be there! This is the first time my entire family, including my brother and his family are going to be in Montana at the same time! Actually the first time we’ll all have been together since the family picture we took on Easter 2005 in California! I’m excited. Also my cousin Joey asked me to join her in volunteering at a soup kitchen in Billings, MT. Thanksgiving morning. Yup, the drive is going to suck no matter what and I just need to accept that. But the trip itself should be good. I can’t believe it’s only a week away!
PMS sucks! (Pardon the topic male readers) - I realized the emotional rollercoaster I went through Tuesday was the precursor to the dreaded "monthly bill". The rest of my week went fairly well. No major complaints. What I dislike is the emotional instability during a period. Most of the time I don’t feel as hormonally challenged as I have this month. I feel bad for women that experience the emotional stuff this bad every month!
Last week – I had a busy week last week. This week should be mellow. We all know my Tuesday sucked. Wednesday was the complete opposite. After work I went to mid-week service.
Thursday I went to dinner with Jerry. We talk on the phone a lot but our schedules rarely allow for us to hang out for very long. Last Sunday I was supposed to go down there and hang out, go to the movies or something, but I misunderstood the plans and we had to reschedule for a weeknight which never leaves for much time to hang out since we both commute. But oh well. We always figure something out.
Friday I went over to David and Erin’s to have pizza and watch Ratatouille. It worked out great because I was able to catch up with them and skip the holiday weekend traffic!
Saturday I slept in, watched tv all day! My Pampered Chef stuff came so I went through and put everyone’s orders together and washed all my stuff so I could use it! Mike came home with Jerret from unloading his storage unit and putting his stuff in our garage. He and Heidi were celebrating their 1 year anniversary and he was running late so I told him I’d take Jerret home so he could go take a shower and take Heidi out. Apparently this won me some brownie points with Mike. Hehe Jerret ended up keeping me company while I baked cookies for a church meeting the next day. We had a good talk. I’ve pretty much adopted him as my little brother.
Sunday was a full day of church. I went to church in the morning and we had a meeting at my parent’s place at 3 and I didn’t leave there till 7.
My Dad’s book - I have my dad’s book! It looks great! I haven’t finished reading it. This is the first edition. He signed it for me, wrote a little dedication too. There are only about 100 printed so far. He has some minor technical errors he wanted to fix and then the publishers will send it in for a reprint which at that point it will then be available at Barnes & Noble and Amazon in time for Christmas orders! I’m excited for him and so very proud of him!
New Hair – I got my hair redone last week. I loved my hair the day my sister did it. She styled it and everyone that has seen the picture of it just loves it! I also have a picture of how it’s usually styled. It’s definitely darker but it’s more my natural color. So far I’ve had only positive reactions to it, accept for my mom. She says she’s so used to my blond hair it’s taking her a while to get used to it. It’s not that she doesn’t like it. I really like it!
Link to Poet Sky's Reformation. Basically pictures of them practicing at my place on Sunday afternoons. :)
For those of you that have seen a lot of the pictures posted to my blog, well those were the few from many and now ALL the pictures of those events have been posted to my online Album. I haven't updated my album since Easter of this year. So there are a lot of new pictures. Go check them out… My 2007 Album
Night - So yesterday was a miserable day. Yesterday I felt like the world and everyone in it was against me. Oh believe me I was that melodramatic! I was extremely insecure. I was angry and frustrated. Almost everything pushed me over the edge. I knew something was wrong first thing in the morning and even prayed that God would protect me from flying off the handle at innocent bystanders. I just had my hair done by my sister and I was still learning how to style it, as well as getting used to the fact that it’s so dark, and it just wasn’t working for me that morning. I was feeling unattractive all around. I got to work and was really sick, literally! To the point that I was weak and had to sit because I was dizzy, lightheaded and sweating! Yeah not sure what was going on. I was cautious all morning and my stomach started to settle down after I ate a bagel. My day at work actually went smoothly. No major issues. It was on my ride home. I was talking to a friend. I’m sure she didn’t mean to, but something she said cut deep, it fed all the insecurities I’d been fighting all day and I lost it, not on the phone with her, but after. The flood of emotions I had been fighting came boiling over. Frustrations with her, a couple guys (one that I’ve known for years, another that I’ve just recently gotten to know) and my own annoying tendencies came crashing in on me. No matter where I tried to run my mind was whirling through all the events, and with my outlook I was only seeing the worst in each situation.
It was when I was talking to another friend that I finally broke down emotionally and started sharing how insecure and pathetic I felt and realized I needed some quiet time with God. The moment I sat down to write in my prayer journal the tears flowed. They kept flowing on and off for the next half an hour. I felt like I was wrapped up in His arms and He was allowing me to express the fears and frustrations while He listened and comforted me. I couldn’t wait to go to bed and start a new day.
Day - Today has been quite the opposite! I woke up and my hair turned out great. I love it! I wore an outfit I wasn’t too sure I’d feel good in but ended up feeling sexy. I was no longer sick to my stomach. I went into training for the account department and came back to find a package on my desk from a merchant I work with on almost a daily basis. As soon as I felt the package I knew she had sent me chocolates! And sure enough she sent me See’s chocolates and a “Thank You” card to show her appreciation of how friendly and helpful I’ve been to her whenever she calls in. She has my direct line memorized. Hehe I felt very special! On my lunch break I took a walk around the complex and it was just a beautiful day so I stopped to eat my lean pocket on the grass under the trees. When I walked back I saw a truck slow up and roll down his window, I get asked for directions a lot when on my walks, but he just nodded and smiled. I smiled back and kept walking. He ended up coming back around and said something and I couldn’t understand and he said “If I followed you home, would you keep me?” haha I was in so much shock that he was hitting on me that I just laughed and said sorry probably not! He was a good looking guy too! He made small talk and then the moment was gone. But it left a huge smile on my face, a spring in my step and a disbelief that it had actually happened. I went up to the conference room and read my book for a few minutes, and then took my audio file and took a 15 min nap. I woke up completely refreshed and the rest of my day has been incredibly smooth!
The one mark against today is that Mike’s father passed away. Yesterday he told me how bad his dad was doing and I felt I should ask if I could pray for him but I didn’t know how he would take it and I didn’t know what to pray since I know none of his family are believers so I held back. I wanted to bring up prayer throughout the day but I never felt comfortable enough. I came into work today determined to ask if I could pray for him and I didn’t see his car and knew immediately that something was wrong. He’s taking the next few days off and I really wish I knew what I could do to help. He and his family were already in my prayers this morning and I will continue to pray for them. I want to call and give my condolences but I know right now he probably has so much going on. I’m just not sure what to do.
Well I have more to write about but not much time to do it. I'm gonna finish this post where it is and either write another one later tonight if I can find the time or just do it tomorrow.
The other day I was listening to my iPod as I took my lunch walk and it happened to play a U2 song and I realized I wanted to bring out my U2 collection again. Hehe So right now I’m listening to a shuffled playlist of the entire U2 collection that came on my special addition iPod.
I’m wide awake! I took a 2 hour nap after hanging out with Rach. Now I’m regretting it as I couldn’t go to sleep even if I wanted to! I got to bed at about 2 this morning and got up at 8 to meet up with my sister to pick out a color closer to my natural color for my hair, who knows when I’ll be able to meet up with her to get my hair done though. She got a job at Starbucks! Anyways, after that I met up with Rach and we went out to lunch and spent the day hanging out. I got home at around 4 and slept till 6 and then watched a couple movies with my brother. It’s been a fairly lazy day.
Jeff Dunham - Last night was a blast! Jeff Dunham was awesome! I will definitely go see him again whenever he’s in town! As usual I laughed so hard I cried! He totally rocks! And he even recorded some clips for his Walter for President Campaign. He finished the show and got changed into a secret service outfit and well he looked pretty darn Ho-T! hehe He said he was going to have the clips on youtube so when they show up I’ll make sure to post them since I was apart of it! ;) It was a great show. He did a lot of the stuff off the DVD’s but there was some pretty funny new material. He had Walter, Achmed, Peanut and Jalapeño on a Stick of course. He even did an encore and brought out Bubba J from his previous dvd release. It was funny because everyone knew the lines and would say them right along with him. I don’t think he realized what a big hit Bubba J was, he couldn’t stop laughing that we were following along, even said we were gonna make him cry. hehe I was sooo glad I went.
I didn’t take my camera because it said we weren’t allowed but people were taking pictures so I was pretty disappointed yet again that I didn’t just take it with me and deal with the consequences later. Luckily we had been talking with a young couple sitting next to us (it was their 1st wedding anniversary today! Congrats guys!) and they brought their camera and said they’d share their pics with me! We exchanged our myspace addresses and I now have some new friends!
The above was written on Saturday night. I got sucked into a chat with Russ so I never got it posted. Russ and I stayed up WAY too late chatting; I think it was 4am before I went to sleep! Bad Russ! ;)
Alliance Halloween Potluck - I'm feeling pretty nostalgic at the moment. As I'm typing I keep seeing my black nails out of the corner of my eye. That and the cluster of black and purple rubber bracelets on my wrist bring me back to my wannabe-goth days. I was going to be goth for the work Halloween potluck but went with a witch outfit instead. Once the potluck was done I changed into jeans and a tshirt. I feel like I stepped back in time to 10 years ago! hehe Kind of trippy.
So the potluck was actually a lot of fun! We’ve had others but this one just seemed to have a good vibe to it. Maybe the concept of actually having to dress up made it a bit more interesting for everyone involved. The food was yummy! And we had some great costumes.
I of course took pics and am going to do my very best to get into the habit of updating my album rather then posting a few pictures on my blog. I am almost done updating my album, which currently only has pictures up to April of this year! I’ve had to upload bits and pieces in the evenings as not to interfere with my roommates World of Warcraft experience. Hehe Either way, back to the reason I’m trying to avoid posting pictures to my blog rather then in my album. 1. It then becomes a two step process. 2. Because I’ve posted the most important pictures to my blog I don’t feel as interested in making an effort to upload to my album. This way I’ll blog and then link to the pictures on my album. We’ll see how this works out.
What a week! Especially with the fires, the wind and the pass being closed down Monday... I'm at work. Last week it was dead and a couple of days I've felt pulled in a few different directions at once. And today is unusually busy for a Friday. We must be doing well because I've been doing training more often then not and training is required for all new merchants. I really do enjoy training our merchants.
Monday 10/22/07 - The fires have been causing a lot of problems in Southern California. Well Monday was the day that impacted me the most. The 15 was closed down. And with all the other fires in the area there was no back route. My friend Sasha was a godsend. She contacted me when she found out the pass was closed and offered to have me stay in her spare room for the evening. I was NOT happy about having to stay down the hill but really the reason wasn't that I wouldn’t be sleeping in my own bed, it was that I had absolutely NO overnight bag. I had to go buy everything I needed! Financially I’ve been strapped, even with the raise it’s going to take some time to get back on track with my budget. But since I do commute I've been meaning to get an overnight bag just for this reason so now I have an overnight bag in my trunk. hehe I was so grateful to Sasha for opening up her place for me. It meant a lot to me and I felt truly blessed to have such a good friend in her. Even if I was ticked about having to spend money I didn’t have on all the necessities.
Tuesday 10/23/07 Pampered Chef Party - Tuesday night I hosted a Pampered Chef party and it went well! I was expecting about 15-20 people and 16 showed. My friend ended up buying a bunch of things since a lot of the stuff he had in storage rusted so I had an AWESOME show because of him! I will get about $250.00 in free product! I'm looking forward to shopping. I'm closing my party next week so I haven't made my final selections. :) I'm not much of a cook but I think I'd like to start. It's always more fun if you have fun tools!
Friday 10/26/07 Jeff Dunham - So tonight I'm driving down to Long Beach with Andie to go see Jefahfah Dun-Ham dot com! :D If you don't get that well you would have had to have seen the last Comedy Central Special. Either way I'm really looking forward to it!
*It’s now Saturday, work got hectic and I never had a chance to post it so here it is now. I’ll update this post with pics from the Pampered Chef Party soon. Oh and I didn’t get any pics of Jeff Dunham but I met a cool young couple that are going to send me pics! I might post a couple of those too.*
I haven't been this thankful it's Friday in a LONG time! I have a quiet weekend ahead of me and I'm sooo looking forward to it. This week has been more mellow then most, in fact it's been almost boring! Work has been dead all week.
So dead that I didn't even finish the post at work but watched Transformers instead! ;) hehe Yup that's right, we setup a pc so we could all watch it (we being the girls in support), obviously taking calls as they came in.
It's Saturday and I'm delaying the inevitable... I MUST clean my bathroom and bedroom! I spent the morning hanging out with my friend Andie. She's been talking about this guy she's crushing on at work and I wanted to meet the guy so we made up a reason for us to stop by her work. hehe And no, we're not still in high school! And yes, we realize this. :) When it comes to best friends' crushes you revert back to high school methods! haha
One thing I've realized in talking to Andie about our fun experiences flirting is that Andie seems to get men to express their attraction! I, on the other hand, seem to flirt with men who don't express their attraction to me at least not overtly. There are signs but nothing is said. So what's up with that? Seriously guys, do I put off a vibe that says please don't let me know that you find me attractive?! Or is it that men are just as insecure in expressing their attraction? I know I'm attractive, though sometimes I wonder if men can actually look past my weight. I grew up feeling that men couldn't. I finally accepted myself for who I am but there are times I still struggle thinking men aren't all that shallow. (Though, I also wonder if I have been given compliments and haven’t really acknowledged them. Hmm… possible) I think a long time ago, when I was in 6th grade, the boy I was seriously crushing on (and had been crushing on since 2nd grade!) read my journal and found out I liked him. I was so embarrassed but went straight up to him and said “ok so I think you’re cute… I’m ok with you knowing this.” And suddenly I wasn’t feeling like I was going to die, and the stark fear went away. Nothing happened either. Since then I’m ok being pretty blunt with the guys I like about my attraction to them without expecting my declaration should require action on their part. I have found it eases the awkwardness of it all (at least for me, and with the men I have shared with, they continued to be in my life). I mean telling someone “hey, I think you’re cute, sexy, attractive (insert chosen compliment here)” is quite harmless. It makes the other person feel good, and it doesn’t mean you’re stuck doing something about it. At least that’s how I look at it. I read my friend Joe’s blog and he replies to this one particular reader’s comments with regular compliments. And I think of how cool it is that he expresses it for the world to read and how awesome it must be for her to read them! I have no idea if anything has ever happened between them and it doesn’t matter. I say keep it up! hehe There are a lot of thoughts going on in my head about this topic and I’m not sure if I’m expressing myself adequately. I’m not sure that I care. It’s just something I wanted to ask the people out there that read my blog. And if, in all this rambling, you’ve lost the question let me rephrase it. What do you think causes men (or women) to express their attraction with the opposite sex or not?
Well I really need to stop avoiding the inevitable and go clean.
This weekend was rather busy. I went to an Ancient Paths Seminar and I'm not sure I'm quite ready to share all that went along with that. A few tears and a bit emotionally draining, but all-in-all a good thing. I came to realize a lot about myself which is always a positive thing! The seminar was Thursday and Friday evening and all day Saturday.
Sunday I expected to relax a bit, I took a nap after church and that was about the extent of my relaxation! Brian had Foe and Strav over to practice some new songs for Poet Sky. I enjoy hearing them play so that wasn't a big deal. I was in my room working on my photo album for my website when my friend Jerry called and we started talking about some of the things for his project. My sister stopped by with the kids and they wanted to play Dance Dance Revolution in my room while the boys were in the living room jammin. You can imagine the commotion! Finally everyone had left by about 7:00.
I thought that was going to be my opportunity to relax but then my friend Sandeep called and in a whirlwind of events I ended up on the freeway down to the 138 to pick him and his girlfriend up and take them down to the Ontario airport because his car broke down. He had 24 hour road side assistence through BMW but it didn't include him! Needless to say he was pretty upset and in quite the bind. He had to get his girlfriend home to Riverside and get back up to Fresno by 2am to get his dad to the airport and the only 24 hour rental was at the Ontario airport! I was glad I could help. Traffic sucked just cause it was sunday evening and everyone was driving back down from their weekend trip to Vegas. I enjoyed catching up with him though. It's been a while since we've seen eachother. He surprised me a while ago and stopped by Alliance to say hi which was cool. His girlfriend was an absolute sweety and in the end we considered each other friends as well! I waited for him to get his car rental situated before heading back home. Mike at work had told me today that the 5 freeway was all jacked up last night so I called and found out that yes, he did get delayed with traffic but everything worked out in the end.
So today I tried to get back into a routine. So far so good. Work was great! I was in a fun mood and things went smoothly. I was busy for the first half of the day which is always nice to make the day go by. After work I went tanning, took some time to meditate on God, then decided to get back onto my Dance Dance Revolution pad and have a fun little workout before bed. :) Here it is almost 10:30 and I'm finishing up a chat with my friend Armondo and I'll be in bed at a reasonable hour. I feel good.
Bright Eyes 9/29/07 - So I'm listening to a random selection of their songs as I'm composing this and catching up on laundry for the week. My brother Brian and I had a great time at the show at the Hollywood Bowl. Having the LA Philharmonic Orchestra performing with them was a pretty cool experience. We had awesome seats and it's a great venue, that was my first time there. Scarlett Johansson was sitting a few seats away from us. When I saw her I immediately looked around for my brother who had gone off to get a drink. She was just as pretty in person. Surprisingly when Brian found out she was so close he was like, sure enough, that’s her. But after the show he admitted that if she wasn’t “Scarlett Johansson” then he wasn’t sure if he’d give her a second look because there were so many other hot chicks there. Haha Gotta love my brother. Anyways, I really enjoyed hearing them live. I know the lead singer is an acquired taste but you can't deny his ability to express through words. I'm gonna have to say they are one of my favorite bands at the moment.
So here are a couple pics and I'm attempting to upload more then just this one video... blogger couldn't upload the other 2 files because it was too big so I'm testing out Google Video, if it works I'll post them.
Big Bear 10/8/07 - Monday I had the day off so I took a drive up to Big Bear and back... I needed to get away by myself and it's a beautiful drive so I packed a picnic lunch and my cameras and took off. It was absolutely gorgeous up there! Here are some of the pictures I took throughout the day...
Random Thoughts - I was chatting with my friend Tracy. He was lamenting about being out on the dating scene again. I told him I have had a lot of guys interested in making a go of something in the last year but they never keep my interest very long. And the guys I find myself attracted to are either older or set in their ways = not interested enough to make any effort, or even worse they are married. Then it hit me, maybe I don’t want a relationship if I'm only finding myself drawn to unavailable men. They are the safe ones because I know it will never go anywhere and I'm not likely to get hurt. Hmmm.... Interesting...
But speaking of being drawn to someone I discovered something rather amusing. I have recently gotten to know this guy that intrigues me more then I would have ever expected him to. I say 'recently gotten to know' because I met this guy last year but didn't really get a chance to talk to him much. As things go, circumstances can bring you closer to an individual, even if it’s only to get to know a couple more details about them. So that being said, anyone that knows my taste in guys knows I like ‘em to have a bit of "geek" to them. Not sure what it is, but a guy who knows his way around a computer, well that just gets me all excited. ;) (Please note the slight sarcasm in the excitement) Either way, this individual has some geek to him. Now also be aware there is a BIG difference between geek and nerd. hehe (refer to "White and Nerdy" video by Weird Al) But he also has tattoos; Interesting combination. Not sure why this intrigues me so much. I drove home Friday I realized that I was drawn to this guy. I laughed when I realized it started when I saw he had tattoos! WTF?! haha Then it hit me! He represents both sides of the spectrum of my two long term serious relationships. Jesse, the "bad boy", full sleeves, kids, ex-wife and played drums in a hardcore band. Then Sam, the "geek", computer guru, total sweetheart and my first true love. I'm guessing that's why I'm drawn to this guy. Not necessarily in the desire to have a relationship with him, but just would love to get to know him better. But knowing he fits both of my "types" I think I'll let it be. :)
Grandparents 10/10/07 - So Wednesday night I drove down to Westlake Village with my family to have dinner with my grandparents who are visiting from Minnesota and staying with my cousin. (Sadly I never really get to see my cousin, we've never been that close.) Either way they flew my grandparents out so they could see her new baby. Well last night was the only night we could all meet up with them because the rest of their visit is planned out. My mom, brother, sister and her kids met my dad and I in Ontario and my brother and I took my car out there and the rest of the family drove in my sisters car. I haven't seen my grandparents for at least 8 years! We met at Claim Jumpers for dinner. Here are some pics from the night. I actually let my nephew, Bailey play with my camera and he got some great pics!
I'm so zoned I'm not sure if I can focus enough to compose this post. But I'm trying to fight falling asleep. I'm at work and it's dead! It seems that early in the week I feel more productive and busy. I think that's because I'm going back and forth between accounting and support.
I went through and gave away a lot of the clothes that I don't fit into anymore and realized I still had a lot of nice clothes that I never touch. So since then I've been dressing up for work. Even wearing heels! For those of you that know me this is a big deal. hehe
Last night I went to dinner with my friend Jerry. He and I always have a good time. He has a lot of aspirations and dreams, it was very inspiring listening to how his brain works through it all. I wish I was as all encompassing with my thoughts as he is with his. He has some great ideas and right now he's picked one of his ideas and he's going to make a go of it. He feels with his age it's now or never. He's only 45 but I understand where he's coming from. I can't imagine it *not* succeeding! I'll probably be promoting it here. I've worked with him on some aspects, such as web site and bouncing ideas around for the last couple months, but it's still in the early stages. He has to finish up some other business so he's only doing his new project on the weekends. Either way, its amazing how multi-facetted his dreams are. I sent him a text on the way home thanking him for inspiring me to dream!
Well I'll go into more of what we talked about and how thats impacted my own personal dreams later. It's quittin time and I've got to make a run to Bath & Body Works... They are having a big sale this weekend that I can't pass up! :) I know... so girlie huh!? ;)
So I'm sitting at a dining room table of someone's house that I've never been to before using their laptop. My brother Brian and bandmate Forrest are recording their parts to a new song for Poet Sky. Brian and I are pretty much spending the day together. I believe we're in Santa Clarita at this guy Kevin's home studio. It's a beautiful house. I feel a bit awkward just because I don't know him. I met him way back when I was in high school but of course he doesn't remember that. hehe This should take a couple of hours and then Brian and I are heading down to Pasadena to do some shopping for Brian. Later tonight we're going to Hollywood Bowl to watch Bright Eyes for our birthdays. So its a pretty full day but it should be fun.
I also got tickets to go see Jeff Dunham in Long Beach October 26th. :) I'm crushin on him. :) He's Ho-T! (for Andie hehe) And married but still... For an older guy he's pretty cute. Here are a couple clips. :)
Wow... Life has been chaotic! I had a post started about my birthday excursion but it's outdated now. I really wanted to share early on about the entire day and how I felt but it seems that it would become one of the longest posts I've written so far! There are just too many things to update. But I will do my best to sum up. I am currently at work composing the bulk of this blog but I also think I will have to do most of the finalization at home. Who knows when this post will actually get published!
My Birthday Excursion 9/8/07 - Rachel and Andie picked me up in Rancho where I was housesitting with Starbucks in hand! I got to Andie's car and saw that they had decorated the windows with 'Happy Birthday Chair' and a big old '30th Birthday' sign on the passanger seat so everyone could know as we drove around! hehe It was cute. I get in the car and find out that I would get clues (more like riddles to figure out) where we were going next.
The first stop I figured to be a garden. Descanso Gardens to be exact. It was beautiful there! And it helped that the sky was particularly clear all day! I took tons of pictures. I felt completely special that the day had been planned around my love of photography!
Next clue led us to the Griffith Observatory! We had a bit of a hike up there but we laughed, had a good time and got our excersize in at the same time! I loved the Griffith Observatory and will make sure to go back when I can spend a day there! We were running short on time apparently and the girls stopped at one point to figure out which of the remaining stops we needed to skip.
The next clue took me a while to figure out, but it was the Mann's Chinese Theater and we realized it was a place I've been to plenty of times and we chose to skip it. The next clue should have gotten us to a cemetary called Hollywood Forever but ended up being an accidental skip since we drove right past it! It looks pretty cool so I'm gonna have to go back and check it out sometime. We ended up at the Huntington Beach Pier! Andie had NEVER been! I was quite surprised but we walked the pier. It was more crowded then I've seen it in a LONG time and I think my moodiness with crowds made for a short stop.
Apparently my sister was going to meet up with us at the last stop and we needed to head back. I was given my last clue of the day which was spelled out for me. :) We were going to Dave & Busters for dinner! The traffic back kind of sucked so we were late in meeting Heidi. I got to Dave & Busters and saw my sister who said she put our name in so after a quick stop to the restroom we'd go to our table.
Turns out in the end they did plan a surprise party for me! I had suspected it but as the day progressed I thought that wouldn't be happening. I walk through and my sister brings me to a table filled with a bunch of my friends! I had a great time hangin out! My friend Russ was even able to make it, he and I rarely get to hang out. I felt so special! Rachel and Andie really knew how to make my 30th a memorable one! I found out while we ate all that had conspired to make the day happen! Including Rachel stealing my cell a couple months prior to write down all the numbers she needed to invite people! I had NO CLUE!!!!
The entire day was all about me!! A full day of photography and an evening hanging out playing games with my friends! I can't think of a better way to spend my birthday! Rachel and Andie, you made me feel very loved! Thank you so much guys!
African Benefit Dinner 9/15/07 - The dinner was a success! But lets not get ahead of ourselves! Once we resigned ourselves to the fact that we would only have about 100 people there, the rest of the planning of the dinner went relatively smoothly. We already have people interested in when the next one is going to be. I heard only positive feedback, at least from the people that mattered. hehe They loved the decorations, which I was happy with as well. They enjoyed themselves and were entertained. My church had gone down to Faith Community Church in Buena Park which is a Kenyan church. I met Henry Karis who was an amazing guitarist! After the service I went up to him and asked him what he was doing the next saturday and booked him to play a couple of his own songs in Swahili. He did an amazing job and I hope he'll be able to come up for our next dinner. He and my brother hit it off and I knew they would. I specifically sat them at the same table. I only had one issue and that was with the photographer. Maybe it's because I was expecting something different and so was she. But our personalities clashed a bit. And to be honest I was a bit dissapointed. But other then that the night was awesome!
Later we found that we had a profit of over $2,500! My friend Jerry was impressed because he does the taste of Arcadia and the first year they had 600 people there and made 3000 profit. As the years have passed they have increased the profit but also the number of people in attendance. We only had 100 people there and made that amount. I'm nervous about planning the next so soon but we have the interest for it. People were impressed and we want to keep up the momentum. We can't wait another 3 years to have another dinner. But it's something I can chalk up to experience. When I get married I'll be prepared to plan the reception! hehe
Alliance - I've started training for some tasks in the Accounting Dept. It's a slow process because the lady training me only wants to train me on one portion of my future tasks a month. Also this month I had my 1 year anniversary with Alliance! A few things have changed in a years time... Mike is one the newest employees at Alliance. He's pretty cool. I've enjoyed getting to know him. He just got married earlier this year and they both have never been married before and are in their late 30's. They are an adorable couple too! Both are good looking people, it was nice to hear how they connected. Gave me a bit of hope of a late courtship being possible, one worth waiting for.
Reflection - Once the benefit dinner was over I thought I would have all sorts of time on my hands. This whole week has been filled! Something going on every evening! Saturday is the first day to relax in what feels like forever! I was already invited to dinner at Ludek's and I'd love to go but I'm feeling like I really need to get a full day of "me time".
I've done a lot of reflection in the last week. I spent a little time working through some thoughts and insecurities that arose in the last week or so. There are phases where God reveals things that need to be changed. One being that I tend to enjoy flirting and I find that in some respects I get my affirmation in the amount of flirting that is done. Whether with one individual or multiple. The flirting is not the issue, but the concept that I get my affirmation based on how much I flirt is. This is a slightly odd revelation but none-the-less true. There has been a lack of men to flirt with in my life, at least ones that I'm crushing on. Yes, there is a difference when there is an attraction involved. Part of the old me started to surface with wondering if I was attractive. Its amazing how an old part of me can still sneak in there. I'd love for a guy to let me know how attractive I am. It's been a while since I've heard that. But I need to accept my beauty for myself.
Another thing is my finances. I've let them get out of control. I paid off all my debt while working at linkLINE. When I was laid off I didn't change how I lived. I continued to live like I had no debt and could buy anything I wanted. I'm living beyond my means right now. Especially having bought a newer car this year. I finally sat down and went back to a strict budget. It's not fun but for now it's what I have to do. It's only for a time, it's not permanent, I won't be here forever, this too shall pass. Yes, sadly I have to keep reminding myself of that when I want to go out and buy something. I was in a similar situation when I worked at linkLINE and it didn't take me very long to get out of it. So I know I can do it now.
And finally time management. I've come to the conclusion that I am going to have to schedule "me time" every week. A night where I can do what I want! No phone calls, no guests, nothing but time for me. I can update my blog or online album, organize/clean my room, watch movies, read, whatever! Also I have started doing morning devotions. It's been nice but it hasn't given me that quality time to meditate, time for me to hear that "still small voice". I know I'm hearing God, even in some of these revelations/reflections this week. I know He's been a big part of the revealing aspect. But my heart is draw closer, to hear His voice more clearly. I also have a few projects that friends have asked me to do. I may use a night for those types of projects as well as my own, like achairsphotography.com which has been majorly neglected!
Sunday Update 9/23/07 - Well a lot was accomplished in the last couple of days! I found out Friday that I get a raise starting next pay period! Seems like perfect timing now that I decided to stick to a strict budget. I still plan on sticking to the budget but it just means my debt will get paid off faster. How cool is that!? Also Saturday came and went and it was wonderful! I used the day to clean the entire house. Yes, Mike, my roommate, seemed unsure of how that constituted as something I'd want to do with my first day off. But it was sooo rewarding to see how clean everything was when it was all said and done! My brother Brian has a jammin session going on with Forrest and Strav and I'm not embarrassed of how the house looks. In fact I'm proud of the way it looks. And cleaning is so theraputic! I put on Anne of Green Gables and cleaned away. Brian and Mike had some work they had to do so they were out of my way the whole time! I turned my ringer off and even left a message stating I would be away from my phone. I am looking forward to making a habit of that!
I'm house sitting in Rancho Cucamonga for my friends Doug and Sasha. I'm sitting at Doug's computer upstairs unsure if I'm in the mood to actually blog or not. In roughly 12 hours I will have officially been on this earth 30 years (don't get technical on me peoples!). Today is the last day being in my 20's. (insert side tangent) And oddly enough I will be in the same town my parents lived in when I was born! I always thought I was born in Rancho but I found out when I got my passport (needed a birth certificate) that I was technically born in Upland, but my parents lived in Rancho so they always told me that's where we were when I was born. hehe Either way when I wake up tomorrow I'll be in Rancho on my birthday 30 years later! Kinda trippy...(/end side tangent)
As I celebrated my birthday with my family today it hit me where I was a year ago and it was not in a good place. I was pretty depressed about a lot of things. Mostly the loss of my relationship with Sam in August which (at the time) I was uncertain we'd ever talk again. Thankfully we are still friends and talk/chat at least once a week which is more then I would have expected under the circumstances. Jesse had passed away that May and that was the most difficult death I had to face in my life so far. I had lost my job at linkLINE in July and had yet to find a new job and had gone through a lot of interviews only to be told I wasn't picked for this reason or that, and each one felt like a whole new rejection. To be honest, I was pretty self focused and miserable. Jason was there to encourage me to get past my beliefs and the feelings that held me back from growing though it all. He was my counselor and friend and well it always helped that he was so darn cute! ;) hehe Sometimes I wondered if my infatuation made it possible to hear all the harsh things I needed to hear.
Man... so much in so little time. It's amazing to look back! Especially when all the inner reflection and changes, though difficult, really brought me to a better place. God knew what He was doing... Who knew? ;) haha I guess I needed to go through it all to be prepared to hear and realize things about myself that weren't easy to face. Life changing. One year, so much happened in 1 year! Actually it was more like 6 months! I keep changing but from September through March was the biggest portion of my transformation. Things that held me back, even from childhood... Faced... Accepted... And let go!
Yes, turning 30 tomorrow is a new leaf. I want to say a new chapter but honestly I feel like it's a new series in the miniseries of my life. I have nothing but excitement in my heart about my 30's. Heidi pointed out that she hated turning 30 because the people in their 40's still consider you too young to know anything and the people in their 20's think you're old. I'm not sure if I agree. Though I have felt a little bit of a challenge having friends in their 40's. They do seem to bring up my age quite a bit. It doesn't help that I look like I'm in my early 20's. I still giggle like a schoolgirl, especially if I'm flirting or crushing. haha Well I guess we'll see.
My brother Brian is going to take me to lunch tomorrow afternoon for my birthday. :) That'll be cool. We'll be going to see Bright Eyes at the end of this month for my birthday present to him as well as for myself. My parents gave me money for my birthday and I plan on buying a couple pieces for my camera. My dad made me one of his awesome cards, he even put a picture I took from Fiji as the cover. It's such a sweet card. He seriously needs to sell them! My sister did my hair as her birthday present to me! It needed it sooo bad. Here's a picture of it. It's hard to see the length but it's a bit more layered and more blond. I like it.
Rachel, Andie and Heidi are taking me out this Saturday. I've mentioned it before and it's a surprise. I still have no clue what we're doing. I just know that they are going to pick me up around 8 or 9 Saturday morning, I'm supposed to dress cute/casual and shouldn't expect to be home till at least midnight! I'm excited. I enjoy keeping myself in the dark. My mom almost let it slip but I didn't push it. I've played a couple games to get more information only to be more confused then ever! hehe So I'm letting it be and waiting patiently to find out Saturday what we're going to be up to.
Well I think that's it for tonight. Happy birthday to Jimi and Doug who both share my birthday! It's so odd that tomorrow I won't have a commute! I can leave for work at 8:40 and still make it before 9! I have more to update but I think I'll leave this as a birthday post.
One week... Why am I so excited about turning 30!? So many other people I know have taken turning 30 as a negative thing, feeling like they weren't where they expected to be in life. Yet I feel like it's a new beginning; a fresh start! I mean the last 10 years of my life were filled with so much! I can only imagine all the wonderful things that are going to happen to me in my 30's! I've also always been a late bloomer. Maybe that's why I never worried about having a set idea of where I'd be when I turned 30. I'm very happy!
So, my part in the benefit dinner seems to have slowed down. I have a bunch of stuff to do on the weekends but the majority of my role has been accomplished. I just need to keep people focused. I'm a little nervous about ticket sales. We haven't sold that many tickets yet and the time is running out. But I just have to accept whatever happens! I've done my part... God will do the rest!
I had a relaxing weekend. I finished the last Harry Potter book on Saturday. I baked a lot of cookies this weekend. Some for church on sunday and for Hector at work. He felt that his 3 year anniversary with Alliance deserved some of my homebaked chocolate chip cookies hehe.
I wrote the above while waiting to confirm no one was showing up for training.
I just got home from an unexpected night out with my brother and our friend Jesus whom we affectionately call Chulo. hehe Anyways, they were at Yardhouse and called me while I was still at work and told me to meet them there when I got off work. I did. My brother bought me dinner and then they decided to go to the movies. I'm flat broke but Chulo was nice enough to pay for mine... We went to see Superbad. Which was a really funny horribly wrong movie! hehe Either way it was a great time hanging out! Chulo and I never get to go out! He's buying a few tickets to the benefit dinner so he rocks all the more! hehe
And that's about all I have to say about that... :) It's getting late and I want to get to bed.
For those of you that are possibly curious... I still don't have full feeling in my tongue... It sucks!
Other then that things have been hectic. The finalization of the benefit dinner is in full swing! Every spare moment I have I'm thinking, organizating, discussing the different aspects of the dinner to make sure we're staying on track. This has been a productive week as far as the benefit dinner is concerned so that's good. The trifolds off to the printers and those should be back by mid-next week. We have a guy lined up to play jazz piano during dinner. I've confirmed the professional photographer is still on for taking pictures at the event. A few of us picked out pictures taken from the last Lesotho trip to get printed on canvas to auction off at the event. Our donations were incredible! We have a huge list of items we are raffling off. Right now the focus needs to be on getting the tickets sold, preferrably business tables since we make a little more off of them. Also we're hoping to get some more items donated for the event itself. I have a meeting here in about a half an hour that will help me gauge where we're at with all that. But it's been an amazing whirlwind! We have less then a month!
Anyways, I'm off to my meeting. Just wanted to give a quick update.
*Ok so this post was ready last night (Friday the 10th) but FTP was wiggin and I couldn't upload all the pics till today (Saturday the 11th)*
So I think I'm finally off of Fiji time. It took a few days to get back on a normal sleep schedule. I came back Monday and couldn't sleep till 2am and slept in till noon Tuesday. Tuesday night I forced myself to climb into bed at 2am but twiddled my thumbs till 4am and got up for work at 7am Wednesday! So Wednesday night I expected to crash early but I ended up talking to Mel up in Washington till almost 11:30! So much for going to bed early, but in the end I think that helped me switch my sleep mode.
I came back from Fiji and hit the ground running. Tuesday I ran errands all over the place. Wednesday I went back to work and had bible study that night. Yesterday I met Jerry at Starbucks after work and we talked till about 10 or so. Jerry was surprised I didn't bring my pictures to share, some day I'll get a laptop and won't have that issue. Tonight I went straight home after work and vegged. Tomorrow I plan on cleaning cause the house desperately needs it. I have agreed to go on that "date" tomorrow evening. I don't really know the guy so I'm feeling a little bit awkward about it.
Benefit Dinner - I came back from Fiji feeling the heat about getting everything ready in time for the benefit dinner. The trifold isn't completed but my friend Leonard will print them at his cost but it'll take 7 business days to get back. I'm trying to keep everyone motivated but there were some issues that arose with certain individuals when I was gone that I am not sure how to address or whether I even need to. Also the church has fewer people to help out with the projects so people have to take on more then they had to for the last dinner. But I just gotta keep it up in prayer and God will take care of the rest. It's hard not to get overwhelmed at times.
Fiji - Fiji was absolutely amazing!!! It was gorgeous and an absolute blast! I remember taking pictures thinking the shots didn't do it justice, but now I look at the pictures and see only beauty! So just imagine even the best shots didn't capture the true beauty of the place! I had a hard time leaving! I had to remind myself that I was living in luxury while I was out there and that if I stayed or lived there it would not be as glorious as my time out there was. Shawn and Brenda made it all possible. They paid for everything! The room, the cab rides, the food! All I had to pay for was the ticket to fly out there and the souvenirs I brought back! I keep asking myself how I'm ever going to show my appreciation to them for helping me experience Fiji! I've been trying to figure out how to explain the trip and show a portion of my 1500 pictures! I can't post all of them obviously and it would be too hard to pick through them. I think I'll pick a favorite or two from each day and throw in a couple showing the highlights or where I stayed etc.
Friday July 27th - My parents picked me up from work at about 6:30pm and we made our way to LAX. I'd been sick for the last few days and that day was no different. My parents and I sat in a row together. The flight was oversold so no luck on getting a row with an empty seat. :( I had intended on reading Harry Potter but was too tired to focus on reading it. I had a hard time sleeping though. But slept on and off and watched a portion of The Shooter.
Saturday July 28th - lost somewhere over the Pacific Ocean. :)
Sunday July 29th - After a 10 hour flight we landed in Nadi (Nandi), Fiji sometime before dawn. I walked down the outside terminal and was blown away at how beautiful the moon was! We were greeted by a group of Fijian's playing their island music. Apparently a lot of flights from LA arrive at the same time. It took a long time to get the luggage. Shawn, Brenda, Amber, Sierrah, Jackson and Gabriel were all there waiting! It was Sunday so all the shops in Nadi were closed. It was quite odd and looked a bit like a ghost town. But we did get some veggies from the small open market and I had the best cream buns ever at a store called the Bread Kitchen which was also open! I learned that "bula" (Boo lah) was how you say hello and "vinaka" (vee nah kah) was thank you. According to Google though the pronunciations I was taught are incorrect... hehe oh well. After the few stops we made our way out to the Yatule (yah too lei) Resortat Natadola (not ten doh lah) Beach. I was lucky enough to get my own Bure (boo-ray). I met High Chief Ratu Osea Gavidi who was the connection that got us the beautiful bure's at the Yatule Resort. He was a totally sweet, down-to-earth man. As soon as I got in my room I changed into a bathing suit and got into the ocean. It was beautiful! Natadola Beach is ranked one of the top 10 beaches in the world! I could see why! Remember my pictures didn't capture its true beauty.
Monday July 30th - I woke up early to try to take pictures of the moon setting on the ocean. I spent the day enjoying the beautiful beach, I did some snorkeling. I spent most of the daylight in the water, took pictures of the sunset and hung out with the fam in the evening.
Tuesday July 31st - I took another try to get pictures of the moon setting, spent the day in the ocean and took more pictures. It was a bit cloudy but still beautiful. We left Natadola Beach and made our way to the WorldMark Resort which is apart of Denarau Island Resorts. Denarau Island Resorts was home to a lot of luxury resorts and WorldMark was on the far left. Port Denarau Layout/Masterplan That evening I was shocked I didn't go exploring. I just stayed in the room and tried to relax.
Wednesday August 1st - Brian arrived in the morning around the same time our flight came in. It was raining so we (the girls = my mom, Brenda, Amber, Sierrah and myself) decided this would be a good day to do our shopping in Nadi. It was great to experience the town. I spent lots of money. My favorite store was Jack's. We went out to eat atNando's for lunch. Good grub! That evening we spent time as a family. This was the night that my brother Shawn decided to tickle-wrestle me to the ground! He was in a mood for sure! He kept pestering everyone! It was quite funny and Brenda got a video of it and I felt like I was a kid again, wrestling with my big brother. hehe
Thursday August 2nd - I spent some time swimming in the pool, walked up the beach. The Denarau Island Resort complex had what they called the Bula Bus that stopped at every resort and made a full circle of the complex. It was about a 20 – 30 minute ride total, or you could catch it just right from the Sheraton Resort next to The Republic of Cappuccino and it would hit only two resorts before WorldMark, catch it wrong and you went in the complete opposite direction and it would have been faster to just walk. Amber and Sierrah went with me to The Republic of Cappuccino and we met up with my dad and two brothers. They offered free wifi internet so this was the first time I actually touched a computer since the Friday I worked before flying out! And I wrote a bulletin on myspace and a quick email and I was done. I had no desire to be on more then that! Shawn and Brian did their email communication for their work, and my dad was writing more of his book. That evening we decided to go out to dinner at the SeaFront Restaurant which was at our resort and on the beach. Later we just played cards.
Friday August 3rd - Considering I took 1500 pictures during the trip clarifying that I took pictures each day is kind of counterproductive, so yeah I took pictures ALL the time! But I had gotten a little too much color on my upper thighs the day before so I avoided sunbathing but took the opportunity to get some shots of the family enjoying the pool. I also took some pictures around the resort and was able to meet Isei the security guard who had been on duty each day since I had gotten there. He and I hit it off and we decided to meet up and walk down the beach later in the day. I found out during our walk that he wasn’t really allowed to go off with guests so he said if anyone asked he was escorting me to some photography spots. We laughed and had a good time. He said he was going back to Suva to spend time with his family for the weekend but wanted to meet up Sunday night if at all possible. (I never got a chance though). After I got back to the resort we watched Amber's performance as the cowardly lion in her last school play. She’s awesome and definitely needs to stay in drama!
Saturday August 4th - It was Brian's birthday this day. I went down to a timeshare meeting with Shawn, Brenda and my parents. I got free breakfast with Repeka, who was trying to sell me on the timeshare concept (She and I had a lot in common, being the same age and loving to travel, both being interested in older men, her being Methodist and having family members in church leadership). At first I was thinking it was insane but by the end of the presentation I ended up signing up for a WorldMark timeshare! I got a gift certificate for Jack’s so the girls decided to all go shopping again but we discovered there was a Jack’s closer to home and didn’t have to take a cab drive into town but instead just take the Bula Bus to Port Denarau. As we were on our way we met Brian and Shawn who were going out to lunch for Brian's birthday so we decided to join them. We went back for the boys because we discovered a pizza place Mama's Pizza at Port Denarau too! And we had wanted to get pizza for Brian's birthday dinner so it worked out perfect. And as an added bonus they had Fijian Fire Performers in the center of the shopping area. All-in-all it was a great day!
Sunday August 5th - Brian had wanted to go kayaking for his birthday but since our timeshare meetings took so long they rescheduled to kayak this day. I had thought it was just going to be Brian and Shawn but Shawn came back up and told me to get dressed because they were 2 man kayaks and they wanted me and Brenda to join them. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I’m afraid of the ocean. I was shocked I got in further then I could touch the bottom out at the Natadola beach but some of the best experiences are when you are spontaneous and don’t think too much about it! I had a good time. I was a little uneasy on the kayak but still enjoyed myself. My brother Brian was the mellow one, Shawn kept trying to get his kayak to ram ours! Stinkin older brothers! Then I was told they were going on a 4 person catamaran and wanted me to go. I loved it! We only had an hour so my turn with Brian was only a short 10 minutes but we rented it again for later in the day and so I went and enjoyed the pool while we waited. It was windier then it had been all week so you could say it caused for a more interesting experience sailing. When it came my turn again Shawn took me out and we were pretty far and then he told me to take over the sail and rudder! We switched spots and he directed my steps. It was cool! I was nervous but could feel the control I had over the catamaran! It was an awesome experience! The closer we got to shore the water just got sooo choppy and I got a little panicked and made my brother take over. After we all showered from our salty experience on the catamaran we made our way back out to Port Denarau, because my dad had discovered the “best pot pies he’d ever had” at the Bread Kitchen next door to Mama’s Pizza. When we got back to the resort we watched a family movie and I went to bed knowing it was my last night there and became a bit melancholy.
Monday August 6th - My last day. Amber, Sierrah and I went to the Republic of Cappuccino to check the girls email and I popped onto myspace to let everyone know I was heading home. We caught the bula bus but it happened to be going the long way around and well we weren’t in a rush so we decided to enjoy the ride since this would be my last opportunity. When we got back to the resort we convinced everyone to come together for a family picture, once we were done with that I walked the beach one last time and was very heartbroken about leaving this place that I experienced so much out of my comfort zone and was all so positive! We said our farewells and on the cab drive to the airport my eyes started tearing up. It was definitely an experience of a lifetime! My Fiji experience with (most of) my family will always hold a special place in my heart.
Once at the airport we found out our flight was delayed and then completely moved! We had three flights combined on one huge plane. (My dad would be able to tell you what plane it was and how many times he’s successfully flown one on his flight sim game hehe.) Either way it made for yet another full plane and this time I was in the window seat and it was an uncomfortable flight home. We landed in LAX on Monday at 1pm. That was quite the oddity since we didn’t leave Fiji till Monday night at 11:50pm! It took us forever to get through customs and Mike was there to pick us up. We had to drop my parents off first which really sucked but I got home to my place at about 8pm. Yeah LONG day.
So there you have it! A (not so summarized) summary of my trip to Fiji!
Oceanside - So last weekend I went down to Oceanside. It was an absolute blast! I was non-stop the whole weekend but it was too much fun! Friday morning Rachel and I drove down to Holly's place in Vista. We drove around and then went over to the Del Mar horse races. I'd never been and won 30 bucks! $5 on one race and $25 on another. Now with how much money I put out I think I broke even but still it was a good fun!
Saturday we slept in and took our time getting ready. Holly had to work so Rachel and I drove around. I went to pick up the new Harry Potter book at Barnes & Noble, we went out to lunch and went to a few more stores. We ended up at the coast and took pictures. It was fun because we had to do a bit of climbing and we had the giggles at the same time. hehe Made for a fun time!
After Holly got home we went out to dinner and then to a bar where they had live music. It was cool, it was an older blues band.
Last night - I went down to my laser appointment in Irvine. And then made the extra trip down to Laguna beach. It's so beautiful. I've recently realized how much I love the beach! Jerry had planned on joining me down there all week but alas his work didn't give him the opportunity to leave the office till 8:15... I was looking forward to hanging out with him before I went on my trip. And I know he really needed to get away... The timeframe I usually get there is the best part about the beach! The sunset! So he wants a rain check for when I come back from Fiji. I didn't mind going alone. (I have done it before when I met Kyle and Michael who seranaded me - see June 13th post) And the beach is so theraputic! Jerry called me when I was at the beach and I couldn't help but rub it in that I was there and he wasn't. hehe I know... I'm evil. >:-)
This time I brought my camera. So here are a couple good shots...
Fiji - It's been a hectic week getting ready for my trip to Fiji. I've been non-stop on the go for a couple of weeks now. Thursday night I went out with Jerry. We had a great time. The next morning I drove down to Holly's and Sunday drove straight over to my parents place for my moms birthday. Monday after work Jerry stopped by the office and I showed him some tips on adobe photoshop and dreamweaver since he's interested in getting a website up. Tuesday I was able to get all my laundry done for the trip. Wednesday was midweek service and a trip to the new SuperTarget for things I needed and also a few things Brenda asked me to bring since Fiji didn't have them. Last night I went down to Irvine, then Laguna beach and on the way home stopped by my sisters so she could cut my bangs since they are WAY too long. I spent a few hours prepping my stuff to pack and then got to bed after midnight.
So I leave for Fiji tonight! My parents are picking me up from work tonight at about 6:00 and we head down to LAX. Our flight is at 11:15 this evening and it takes about 10 hours. Apparently we will arrive in Fiji at 5:45 on Sunday morning. How odd is that? hehe I was up late last night packing and getting everything ready. I am pretty positive I have everything I need.
A Date - I know Law of Attraction works, but for some reason I'm still amazed at the fact that I got asked out on a "DATE" by someone who doesn't read my blog! haha (well at least I don't think he reads my blog!) What a trip!? For those of you who aren't regular readers, a couple posts ago I wrote about men and my slight annoyance that they don't just ask me on a "date" they label it as a "hang out". Anyways, thought I'd share that.
I think I'll be able to get online now and then in Fiji so hopefully I'll be posting updates!
As some of you have read in previous entries, my friend Jason (yes, you're being mentioned by name... again!) sends me some random video links. I thought this clip was appropriately humorous as I am a huge blogger and would feel as the livejournal dude did, "I feel like cntrl+alt+deleting myself" LOL!!! And some of you have even heard me refer to wishing I could edit>undo or cntrl+z something I had just done... I'm a complete computer geek. What can I say!? :)
So Tuesday night was a very productive evening for me. I got home and immediately set up to print out the benefit dinner tickets. Once I got those printing I seperated my laundry and got 5 loads done! I then went to start baking cookies for my midweek bible study. Turns out the ants liked my cookies and infested the few I left on the counter. Luckily I did put some into a container and so not all my work was lost.
Tonight I'm going out, not sure if I'd call it a date but I will say I have a bit of a crush on the guy. I'm looking forward to it. We've been getting to know eachother for about a month and a half now. I met him through work and we met in person sometime in the beginning of June and we've talked outside of work quite regularly (every couple of days or so) since then. He's a great guy and worst case is I have another good friend. I get the impression the attraction is mutual but lately I've come to realize it takes more then a mutual attraction for something to become more then just a friendship. So for now, I'm enjoying him as a person and a friend and I won't lie there's a faint hope that it could turn into more.
Well I'm gonna enjoy the rest of my lunch break relaxing! Tomorrow I'm heading down to Oceanside. :) It should be an awesome time of relaxing and hanging out with Rachel and Holly. Holly has to work Saturday but I want to pick up the new Harry Potter book anyways. I've even reserved myself a copy down there. I know... Silly. :) hehe Sunday is my moms birthday so I'm leaving Oceanside in the morning and will be back to help with a bbq at my parents house for my mom. So I have a full weekend but I'm definitely looking forward to it!
Lalalalala! Yes this is the kind of mood I am in! It's been an interesting week, emotional to some extent. I was in a funk for some reason. I know part of it was holding onto something I needed to let go and I did that Thursday night and Friday I was doing great! Should I actually be surprised? Probably not, but I still am. hehe
So none of my local (Ontario, Ca) friends were available to hang out Friday night to keep me company so I could avoid "Vegas Traffic" so I went to Lane Bryant to buy some crops and shorts and light t-shirts for Fiji. I bought a lot of clothes but I desperately needed them. I also bought a bathing suit for a trip to Indio I was gonna go to with a bunch of girls the same weekend I'm now leaving for Fiji. So I've already got that taken care of. :)
Fiji - Now that I know for a fact Fiji is happening I'm getting more and more excited each passing day! I've been checking weather reports, finding out about the electrical outlets and what I can use out there with my electronic stuff and of course blow-dryer and stuff, though with the humidity blow-drying my hair might not happen unless it’s a nice dinner out in the evening or something. I hear my brother is setting up for us to stay at a resort! I seriously can't wait to get out there! I need a break from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. And like I've been saying, I can't wait to take pictures!
Harry Potter - So I got to see Harry Potter! Not only did I get to see it, I was able to see it a few hours before the people crazy enough to go to the midnight showing! My friend Russ works for EA Games and his work apparently rented out a theater for a private viewing for their employees and their friends. I was at work on Tuesday when he messaged me and asked if I wanted to go. Sure I had to drive to Marina Del Rey but I was all for it! But I didn't head out till 5pm and the movie started at 6:30 and I knew there was traffic. I only missed the first 20 min of the movie but as soon as I sat down I knew exactly where they were in the book. I liked the movie, though I felt like I had seen it before. I think it was because Sam sent me a link of some screenshots from the movie.
I ended up getting the audio book for book 6 Friday night and hopefully I'll be up-to-date for the final book to come out next weekend.
Oceanside/Vista Ca. - Next weekend Rachel and I are going down to Vista Ca. to stay with my friend Holly, Rachel's sister-in-law for the weekend. We're going just because we never get to hang out with Holly and I guess we're also going to the horse races. I've never been so it should be an interesting experience and a fun time with Rach and Holly and of course I'll be taking pictures.
Benefit Dinner - So the planning for the African Benefit Dinner is fully underway! I've been trying to stay on top of everything and I feel like I'm losing ground. I've lost focus on the deadlines and timelines. I was supposed to have the tickets printed and ready for distribution today and haven't completed them yet. I have the paper to print the tickets on and have a numbering system to keep track of the ticket sales. Being in charge means that yes, I delegate but I feel unorganized as far as keeping everyone on track with their assigned tasks. But I'm sure in the end it will all come together like our last event did. The only difference this time is I'm in charge of this one and I really do want it to go smoothly.
The benefit dinner is on September 15th, only two months away! We booked the same venue as the last event but this time the chef has actually worked with us to design a menu with an African theme! We will have some fairly standard food, but we wanted to make something special and he's all for working with us at no additional cost!!! I'm really excited! He's even testing the recipes before the event itself. We've defined that it's going to be a black and white semi-formal affair. Now I'm not requiring the guests to wear black and white but those who are involved will all be in black and white. I'm even hoping to get the men into donated tuxes like the last event. My next task is to make sure the people in charge of getting donations for the raffles have their lists of businesses that donated last time and understand their deadlines.
We're still looking for a band to perform during the dinner. I need to see if I can get some of my prints from the last trip printed either on regular photo paper or canvas and we'll be raffling them off. I'm not sure how to locate someone that does prints on canvas but I think that would look nice. We had an artist down the hill that specialized in African art that allowed us to display his paintings and I'm hoping to get his pieces to display again. Sam and I were responsible for the photo part last time. We set up a display and I took pictures and he printed them on the spot for me and we handed them out to the guests. We're hoping to do the same thing and I have a professional that has said if we pay for materials she would donate her time. I think that would be awesome but I just have to book her and make sure the church can afford to pay what she's asking. There's so much more, it's a large undertaking and I'm doing my best to keep on top of everything.
Men - I think I've come to the conclusion that I want a guy to ask me out on a date. Yes, a real date. Not just a hang out, but "hey, can I take you on a date?" What's with men? hehe When I went down to see Harry Potter with Russ we talked a while afterwards. We talked about all sorts of things but we touched on why men don't do much of the pursuing these days. Now I didn't say they don't "hunt" as their animalistic personality’s posses them to. But I realize that "hang outs" are just dates with another label. Think about it! Men have less pressure to ask a girl to "hang out" then "go on a date". The thing is I'm the kind of girl that would like to be asked out on a "date"! I'm fine with the concept of being friends and hanging out and having those hang outs possibly turn into a more romantic thing. And to be honest I have very rarely been asked out on a "date"! Most of the guys I have dated have started out as friends and turned into more, and believe me I'm all for that! But I also know that I have met a few guys and noticed (probably more then ever) a mutual attraction between us but none of them have yet to ask me out. Why is that men? Help me out here! :)
Well I know I said I’d post pictures of the 4th of July, but those will be posted another time. I have to get ready for a leadership meeting where I have to give a status report on where we’re at with the benefit dinner.
Someone read my blog and somehow felt the need to misrepresent what was written. Not sure if the person who read my blog did it or the person they told, who then used it against me. Either way, I felt attacked and kind of taken back that either party felt it was their responsibility to hand out accusations about me without actually *reading* my blog correctly! I thought about clarifying what was actually written but then wondered what the use would be, they obviously read what they wanted to read and therefore would only hear what they wanted to hear. I kept going back to what my friend Jason reminds me "what you think of me is none of my business". That's a tough one for someone who is a "people pleaser" through and through. But this is something I've had to learn.
It's more like it's been a "rough week" then just a rough day yesterday. Yeah I did have a week off from work. But there were other dramas going on in my life. But I think yesterday was the straw that broke the camels back. I lost it on my drive home. I was hurt and angry. I felt very alone and kept thinking how can I be so down? Why do I feel so rejected and abandoned?
An incident between two close friends happened last weekend that impacted me probably more then it should. It was the attitude of one of them in particular as he took something further then he should have and wouldn't back off even when I asked him to. I was pretty down about the whole thing. I have been hurt by him before. It's sadly a cycle we've been through twice and this last time I had been, what I thought, extra cautious not to get too involved. Unfortunately even though I was careful I still felt a sting.
Great Friends - God reminded me (as I drove home last night with anger and disappointment at the people that I felt I could trust) that though some of my friends may have let me down, there were other sweet people that have been there for me this last week. It's odd, the people I didn't expect to let me down did and the ones I didn't think were really friends came through for me when I really needed them. Half of them not even knowing how much their actions meant to me.
On the 4th of July my friend Armando from Vegas texted me. I was debating on whether or not I wanted to go out in the heat and go to a BBQ. I found out he was home so I got online and we had a nice chat. We haven't had that many opportunities to chat. He was the one I was gonna go with to the Roger Waters show in Vegas. It was nice to chat with him. He's the only person I've really done video chats with well other then Sam but Sam and I don't talk very much anymore accept the occasional catch up chat while at work. Either way, Armando is a cutie and is always so flattering.
Jerry called me last night as I was almost home from my rough day. I wasn't sure if I should talk to him in the frame of mind I was in. But it proved to be a good thing. It's always nice to talk to someone and get your mind off your troubles. He's a sweet guy, very uplifting and encouraging and always has been since I've gotten to know him over the last few weeks. He seems like my own personal cheerleader. :) "If Charity can't do it, no one can!" hehe
Shortly after I settled in for the evening my friend Peter called and had me laughing so hard I was crying! Peter is from Washington and I know him through work. He's flying down to visit his friend in Santa Monica and we're all gonna meet up and go to Disneyland or something. He's a great guy, very considerate and sometimes trips me out because his many voices and tangents sound very much like Jesse and I'm usually rolling the whole time begging him to stop so I can catch my breath! But I thanked him and told him that he had no idea how much I needed his call and he said God works in mysterious ways. hehe How very true.
As I talked to him, I realized how blessed I was to have such great friends. And that I didn't need to feel alone. Today has been quite the opposite of yesterday or even the whole week! I have a lot of events coming up.
Fiji - And remember how I mentioned there *might* be a possibility of me going to Fiji... Well it's official. I will be going to Fiji! I can't wait! The pictures! Think of all the beautiful pictures I'll be able to take! Yeah this is an opportunity of a lifetime. Again the financial burden is going to be tough to swallow... I may be gagging for quite a while afterwards, but honestly I've decided to accept that! I mean I could have possibly waited till I could afford to go to Fiji but it's highly doubtful I'd have the whole family there to enjoy it with. My sister is not able to make it. We're all hoping for a miracle because it would be a bummer that she would miss out. I'll be leaving in the evening of Friday July 27th and coming home early morning August 7th.
Wisdom Teeth - I'm sure some of you are curious as to my experience. I had written a post Saturday because I was feeling so well but never completed it and then took a turn for the worse Sunday. So here's the bulk of my experience and I'll add a little more to the bottom.
*the below was written Saturday June 30th*
Well I survived! Hehe (Like it’s a rare occurrence huh?) My wisdom teeth are out. My jaw hurts. I’ve got chipmunk cheeks and it’s hard to talk for any length of time. But honestly I’m feeling great today! So here’s the lowdown of my experience with getting my wisdom teeth pulled.
I got there at 8 am and wasn’t brought back into the room till about 8:30. The doctor’s assistant put something over my nose and just told me to tell him when I started to feel weird. Turns out it was laughing gas. I told him when I started to feel it but also that I didn’t like the feeling. He turned it down and told me to breath out of my mouth. He hooked me up to an IV and asked a few normal questions. I could hear my monitor beeping.
My doctor came in and I liked him immediately. He was funny. Most people make comments about my name, but he said he liked it, and I told him I liked it to, and he was like, ok… I’ll let you keep it then. He also got on my good side when he didn’t believe that I weighed what I weigh. Haha And then he asked the typical health questions. Asked if I’ve ever smoked pot, I told him no. He didn’t seem to believe me, he asked in another way, so when was the last time you smoked pot. When I told him I haven’t ever he decided a horror story would get what he thought to be the truth out of me! Something about how the hallucinogens in the stuff they were giving me would be affected by how much pot I’ve had. When I told him the only time I’ve ever been exposed to pot was being hot boxed in the nosebleed seats at a concert I think he finally believed me. He was a great doctor.
I don’t remember having to count to three. I just remember him walking away and hearing them setup around me, but nothing more until mid-surgery. I woke up slightly and felt him working on my lower right jaw. I moaned a couple of times and then I heard him say, up her 5 more cc’s and that’s the last thing I remember till they told me it was time to wake up.
I walked to another room and my mom came in. They told me then I couldn’t go back to sleep till the evening, which really sucked because that’s all I wanted to do. My mom pulled the car around back and I got in. I hated the feeling of driving. I’ve never been one to get motion sickness but I did… All the turns and bumps made me want to puke. I actually had to have my mom pull over once so I could. We got to her place and I knew I needed drugs asap so I had a couple bites of yogurt so I could take the meds, but that didn’t stay down so I just took the meds on an empty stomach. The nausea went away after that and I stuck to the rules of icepacks 5 min on one side and then 5 min on the other.
Today I STILL have chipmunk cheeks! Who knows what would have happened if I didn’t use ice! I hated the taste of blood. And my tongue was numb and still is! I asked if this was a normal side effect because I didn’t read anything in the post-op side effects but they said I could feel numbness in my tongue for up to a month! That sucks!
*end of post written Saturday June 30th*
Turns out they disrupted (the word they used) a nerve on the bottom right side and it affected the feeling in my tongue. So now they say that the numbness can last from 2 weeks to 6 months depending on how "disrupted" the nerve was in the process of extracting the tooth. So it sucks... I can't stand not being able to feel the whole right side of my tongue. I've bitten it so many times its all red. I'm just hoping the healing will be closer to 2 weeks then the 6 months! (haha ya think!?) But I had my post op appointment and they said everything is healing fine. I can't stand the bad breath but of course they say that’s to be expected as I have a wound in my mouth... (Yeah 4 to be exact, still doesn't make stinky breath ok) I've been chewing gum but like I said, I've bitten into my tongue so much I chew gum as carefully as possible these days.
Well I'm off to go hang out with my friends David and Erin. I'll post a blog about the 4th of July and show some of the cool shots I captured with the slow shutter and the sparklers. :D
**Did I say tomorrow? ;) I meant whenever I get around to it!! haha Sorry it's been crazy busy and I actually tried to upload pictures the next day but blogger was having issues uploading. And well I have a moment since our phone systems at work just blew up. hehe And since you've been patiently waiting I think I'll post WAY more pictures then I should to make up for the delay! Enjoy!**
Life is good isn’t it?! Right now I’m at work and I don’t expect that I’ll have a lot of time to write up this post. But I have a moment to spare so I’m going to at least start it. We’re understaffed today. One girl is on vacation and another had to leave early because of some flight issues. And later today I have a training class. Once all that is done, I honestly hope things will mellow out some.
Birthday - So my friends must love me! Rachel called me this morning to see if I was free September 8th. I told her yes and then asked what for. Apparently she and Andie have planned a surprise day out for my 30th birthday! I’m excited! And I feel special! So all I know is that I need to be ready by 8am and expect to be out till midnight. I’m looking forward to it! You guys rock!
Well like I said I didn't think I'd have enough time to finish a post at work. I’m now at home. Man today started out so dismally and now things are so different! Lots of great things are in the works!
Fiji - The main thing is the possibility of my entire family going to Fiji! Can you imagine!? Well my brother Shawn who lives in North Carolina is moving to Texas but has a lot of work to do in Fiji over the summer and he's decided to pack up his family and let them hang out in Fiji with him over their summer break before making the move to Texas. So it was mentioned that it would be great if we could all go out there! I thought for sure it was just one of those passing thoughts that never come to fruition but apparently today I was asked to put some serious thought into going. Financially it would be a burden. The tickets are pricey. My brother has connections so he’s going to see what he can do about getting cheaper tickets. But if it came down to my family going out there whether or not I could afford it, well I couldn't afford to miss the opportunity really. This is FIJI we're talking about here! One of my first thoughts was being in 7th heaven taking pictures. I have seen some of the shots my brother has taken and I know what I could get! haha Cool huh? I may have another place to mark on my map of visited places.
Passions - Lately God has been showing me a lot about myself, especially my passions. You’d be surprised as much as I love photography I’m realizing my passion is not completely in that, which may change. But right now my passion is people! I *love* people! I enjoy meeting new people, learning more about them, laughing and interacting with them. I’ve been putting some thought into how I can use these passions in a career. I know my current job is not the career choice I had in mind. But I genuinely LOVE working with the customers. I find myself laughing more and more with the customers. I’m not sure what type of career to get involved with that allows a lot of interaction with people. I don’t think there is a lot of money in customer service/support. At least not that I’ve seen. I know there is joy and pride in the work I do with my customers. I just honestly can’t afford to keep working for what I get paid and I’m just not sure what to do about that. I would really enjoy being able to interact and take pictures of people but I find that I’m not a good portrait photographer. At least not that I’ve seen in my current collection of pictures. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that though I may realize that I have a passion for people, at this point I have no idea where God is going to take me in that.
Luau Aftermath - So I survived the luau! If you have myspace you’ve seen my pictures. If not then sorry it’s taken me so long to post any! It was an amazing night! Non-stop craziness but oh so much fun! I can’t wait till we do a whole church one! It was a great time with all my friends. I was snapping pictures all night. I ended up staying over at my parents till about 12:30 in the morning talking to my friend Andie. We haven’t hung out in a while and its funny cause we always seem to be experiencing similar things at the same time. But really it’s hard to explain the whole evening so I’ll just let you see the pictures (which will be coming soon).
Vegas Aftermath - I stayed up later then I would have liked for the luau but I still got up early for my drive to Vegas Saturday morning. I was on the road by 8:15 but had to stop by my parents to pick up stuff I forgot over there the night before and then had to fill up with gas and was actually on my way by 8:45am. I was shocked how easy of a drive it was! I remembered it being so long the last time I went. But honestly that was before I had gotten accustomed to a 45 min commute to and from work daily and 1 ½ hour commute on Friday nights because of “Vegas Traffic”! I’m just glad I didn’t go Friday night! It was smooth sailing when I went Saturday morning. I got up to the Jeska’s place at about 11:15. So it only took 2 ½ hours!
It was so nice to hang out with the Jeska’s. They have a nice place and I found myself easily relaxed there. The weather was gorgeous! Debbie and I went and ran a few errands and decided to go to a mall out there. It’s kind of crazy because we haven’t really hung out since we were kids! But we seemed to click and we had no issues keeping the conversation going. Hehe Later we ended up hanging out with her parents discussing all sorts of things! We didn’t end up getting ready to go to the strip till after 10pm! But I didn’t really have any desire to go gambling or anything. I just wanted to see the fountains… We stayed in front of the Bellagio for about an hour or so and then went back.
I got up the next morning and slowly made my way out the door. It was a bit more crowded on the roads so it took a little longer then 2 ½ hours but not too much and I even stopped to help someone on the side of the road!
Father’s Day – I made back in town Sunday at 2pm and looked over my pictures. I went over to my parent’s house to spend some time with my dad for Father’s Day. I ended up going out to Best Buy to get him the 5th season of Seinfeld. I started to get them for him but stopped at season 4 so I now have a good idea of what to get him for the next few gift events, his birthday, Christmas, etc. hehe I was happy to see he’s still really into the Microsoft Flight Sim X game I got him a while ago!
Well it’s actually later then I’d like it to be. I have to get up early for work. I’m supposed to be at work between 7 & 7:30 because we’re understaffed and need the phone coverage so I was asked if I’d be willing to come in. And well I am… It’s Friday. It shouldn’t be too bad. Just means I should be in bed right now! So goodnight and I’ll post pictures tomorrow.
First of all Johnny Depp is freakin adorable! Second this clip is just hilarious! Jason sent me this, he tends to send me odd Japanese clips, but this, by far, is my favorite! Thanks for sharing Jason!
I’ve spent over a week preparing for today only to not have to do anything! Man you should have seen me bouncing off the walls when I found out no merchants signed up for the training class! Hahaha All that tension was released with a big sigh and a lot of giggles! I’ve since then calmed down and am dragging waiting for my time to head to lunch. And in the long run this may be a bad thing as I feel prepared and not conducting the training meeting is just putting off the inevitable. But I was in a panic when I first found out I was going to be conducting the training classes and now I’ve calmed down quite a bit about the whole concept.
I spoke with Jesse’s daughter. Nothing major took place. She’s coming up here to visit her grandparents this weekend and wanted to see if we could get together. Also she’s spending a week there over her summer break.
(End 5.22.07)
So, it’s Friday. And not just any Friday, it’s a Friday proceeding a 3 day weekend! Gotta love that! My weekend is filling up fast though. Tonight I’m going out to dinner in Claremont with my friends Tim and Annette. Saturday morning I’m heading over to my moms to go over some of the decoration ideas we have for a luau we’re planning for the ladies of the church and while I’m there my sister is going to cut and color my hair. And I got a call from my friend Erin wanting to plan a time for her, David and me to go see Pirates. So I might do that Saturday night. Sunday after church I will be able to relax. And Monday my parents want me to come over to their place for a BBQ (though I seriously want to be completely anti-social that day but its family so I’ll probably end up going). So it’ll be a pretty busy weekend.
This week I’ve started my days the right way. I’ve made an effort to wake up earlier and get some bible reading in, as well as putting on the full armor of God and have noticed a huge difference in how I handled the tough situations that were put in front of me.
Yesterday I got on the freeway at my normal time and before I even made it to Main St. I had a flat tire. I pull over and called my brother and my other roommate Mike, neither picked up so I left messages seeing if they’d be willing to help me. It’s not that I’m incapable of changing a tire but when I was so close to home I figured I’d see if I could get some help being that I was all dressed up for work and all. When they didn’t answer I put the hair in a pony tail, went and grabbed everything I needed to change it to the tiny donut I have. But luckily my brother called just then. He and Mike were on their way and he wanted me to just wait in the car, which I did.
I get to America’s Tire and ended up getting two new tires. The reason being was that the flat was a tire that had a picked up a nail and I had recently patched. The tire had too much damage and so it needed to be replaced. The tread on the new tire was at level 13 and my current started at 9 so I had heard that when replacing tires with such different tread it is wise to do them in pairs. So that’s what I did. A couple hundred dollars later and only a couple hours after I got the flat I was driving away from America’s Tire to go home and change because I did end up getting grease on me.
I got to work a couple hours behind schedule but considering everything that wasn’t too bad. I had people scheduled for this webinar so I had that to think about too. It went well! My trainer said I needed to extend the time I showed the live demo and I handled a customer’s question with too little information. But all-in-all she said I did fine and that extending the demo’s will just be a matter of experience. So I’m extremely relieved that is over with.
The rest of the day was extremely hectic though. We had a lot of emergencies with our payroll clients who didn’t upload their file in enough time to get their employees paid by today. But amazingly I was able to leave work on time! As soon as I got home I zoned out in front of the tv for the rest of the night though!
I’ve recently gotten into the series Scrubs. Of course I would, as next season is the last! But anyways, my friend David had season 1-4 on DVD and I’ve been watching a few episodes here and there. I really like that series! I’ve got a huge crush on Zach Braff now. I mean I always liked him in his movies, but something about this show… Crushing big time! Hehe
Well it’s about closing time and so I will stop my rambling here. I hope everyone has a great weekend!
I’m once again baking cookies. I just finished mixing the dough and am waiting for it to chill and the oven to preheat. And I’ve got something on my brain I need to write about.
Why? Why am I so scared that I won't know what to say to Jesse's daughter? Jordan called me last Saturday, the day before the anniversary of her father's death. I was dumbstruck as I listened to her message. I want so desperately to say the reason I didn't call her back right away was because I was just so busy. But I hate to admit that I was really just scared to talk to her because I had no idea what to say. I chose not to call her back till after Sunday. Turns out… I forgot to call back all together! Just a few short moments ago I saw that I had another missed call from her at 6:40 this evening. First I was again surprised by the call and now to add to it, I felt totally bad for not remembering to call her back from last weekend. Nervous, but knowing I needed to do it, I called her on the spot. She was in the middle of watching a show so I offered to call her tomorrow after I get out of church.
As I mixed the ingredients to the cookie dough I asked God what I was supposed to do with this situation. Why after all this time have I been put on her mind enough to call me twice? What is it she wants to talk about? What do I say? Why am I so scared? I guess because I have no idea what to say to her. Her dad and I dated a little over 3 years and that was a long time ago. She contacted me on myspace a couple of times throughout the year. At one point when staying with Jesse’s parents she had asked if we could get together but it never worked because her schedule was too busy.
It just seems so odd. I ran into Rob a month ago, Jordan called, and to add to the irony Jesse was really on my mind today. He always pops in and out of my mind but today was different. I was at the San Bernardino County Fair volunteering at the photography booth. I was finished with my shift and was trying to find my nephews lego entry in a specific building. I was struck by how the last time I walked through this particular part of the fairgrounds I was with Jesse, holding hands. I saw the stage where he performed with Solid Mind, and I saw the food place where he wanted to grab a bite to eat at. I miss him.
Jason - sent me a link he ran across that I thought was rather interesting. It shows you all the uploads to Flickr and where on the map they were uploaded from. Talk about a time waster!
Brian (Preying Jaws) - suggested I sign up for deviantart.com a long time ago but I finally set up my profile this week. It's been hectic so I only have 3 pics posted. But it seems like a cool network of artists. I think I'll recommend my friend Carlos to put up his drawings!
Stephanie - sent me this quote over chat that is cheesy but made me laugh
Money can't buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than a Kia.
My niece Amber - had me check out something on youtube that is a bit disturbing! It makes me realize that the next generation of teenagers has a different sense of humor! LOL Or maybe it's just that my niece is on the cheesy side. ;)
Well it’s Mother’s Day. Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there. Right now I’m feeling a bit melancholy thinking of Jesse’s mom who’s celebrating mother’s day on the year anniversary of his death. I can’t stop thinking about how hard it must be for her today. Not knowing what exactly I could say or do to even express how much I wish I could help or show how much I care.
After I got back from my moms house I just felt like I needed a walk. I just got back. But as I walked I felt heavier and heavier. Right now I’m just sad. Not sure what’s all on the brain to make me so down but I am.
I found out that none of my pictures at the fair had ribbons on them and to be honest I am slightly bummed about that. But that’s ok. Now I have four of my prints nicely mounted for display in my own house.
Anyways I don’t want to dwell on all that.
Mother’s Day is a great day to honor our mothers! I took my mom out yesterday to a movie and out to lunch. It’s been so long since we’ve had the opportunity to spend time together. Today after church I ordered pizza and took it over to my parents and we watched “Music and Lyrics” which of course is a chick flick. Hehe It’s a really cute movie.
Then my niece and nephew had a plan for Heidi so we wanted to have the house clear but I ended up sticking around to help setup. I was glad I did! Their plan was adorable! They picked everything out! They set up a candlelit dinner with a French theme serving cheese sticks, taquitos (?sp), salad, bread, spaghetti and meatballs and moon cake for desert. They wanted to be dressed up like waiters and serve her. Bailey requested to specifically have three long stem red roses and three sunflowers. It was too cute. I think my dad was thankful I was there to help out. He kept saying they would not have been able to do it without my help. Here are a couple of the pics from their efforts.
Also I talked to Brenda and they got family pictures taken as her mother’s day gift. I think they turned out great! Check them out. My nieces and nephews are getting sooo big!
Well I feel better. I have a lot that I want to accomplish this evening so I should get going. I’m going to clean my bathroom and clean off my desk, ship off a couple items that I’ve been meaning to get in the mail for a few days now and hopefully get some quiet time in.
So... after how many months I FINALLY got my album updated with all the pictures from 2007! woohoo! Go me! Go check it out... www.achairslife.com/album I have one last event to add to 2006 and that's my day trip up to Bishop and back with Brandie. I took over 400 picks and decided that's just a little TOO much to upload so I'm picking the best ones, of course that will still leave more then half the pictures I'm sure. Anyways, it's a huge accomplishment for me to have this done!
Also had some issues with blogger not updating my archive page. I had to manually update but luckily blogger has been creating the pages just not updating the links on the main archive page. I got that updated so now if you hit archives you will be able to see from 2/2003 to 5/2007! Wow, typing that out just made me realize how crazy it is that I've been blogging for *that* long!
Well I don't have a lot of time for a major update. So be sure to check out my album. :)
So my friend Jason and I stayed up talking till way late Monday night. But the conversation was awesome! We were having a lot of fun discussing all sorts of things and before we knew it we had been on the phone a few hours and it was really, really late… or early however you want to look at it! Like I said in my last post, I was surprised I did so well on 3 ½ hours of sleep! And honestly the conversation was needed and I wouldn't have changed that.
Mission: Accomplished! Where do I begin!? I mean there were so many goals and plans and events over the last month or so! All took place, and I'm left feeling like if this is an idea of how this year is going to turn out… I have a lot to look forward to! I am going to attempt to share some of the things I've been up to this past month. Life has been amazing. The internal change has made a big impact in my life and how I relate and look at things.
March 10th : Hanging out with Russ – I went down to Burbank to hang out with my long time friend Russ. We've been friends for a few years but since he lives so far away we've tried to make a day of our hangouts and getting a full day together has been hard. We had an absolute blast! I would say probably one of the best times I've had hanging out with him thus far. I met up with him at his place and he took me out and about around Burbank, Hollywood, Marina Del Rey and to his work. Here are a few pics from the day
March 13th : Hair cut – My sister has been going to cosmetology school and she felt I would look great with side bangs. So I gave her the chance after some reluctance to cut my hair the way she wanted to and… I love it!
March 15th : Final breakdown on freeway – I wrote about this in my March 19th post so I won’t repeat myself. But while I waited I snapped a couple shots of the traffic playing with exposure settings. Here are a couple of the good shots.
March 16th to 18th : Vegas - I was supposed to go to Vegas and go see Evanescence with my friend Armando but because I was having so many issues with my car I opted not to go. I was going to see if I could barrow my mom's car but she wasn't too willing to let me considering I'd be driving up to Vegas for the weekend by myself. My mom seems to have built up a new fear of me being independent even at the age of 29! But I had to cancel on Armando and my friend Debbie. At least until I could get a new car.
March 16th : 24 Elsinore @ Drapers – Because I didn’t end up going to Vegas I decided to go to my friend Eirik’s show. It was cool hanging out with them. It’s been a while. The last time I went out with them it was for Jason’s show and he threw up on stage and called my name out in one of the songs. Good times. Hehe Here are a few of the pics
March 20th : Meeting James in person – My friend James and I met online back in we’re guessing 1999 or 2000. We have been friends since then and every time we’ve tried to meet up something comes up or we can’t get over to the other person. So James had a class down in LA, so I chose to take off work a little early and meet him down there. We went down to the Santa Monica Pier. It was a trip being friends with someone for so long and just meeting in person after all these years! We had a great time. It was only odd in the fact that we had yet to meet in person. Here are a couple shots
March 24th : Bought a new car! – Yup! Decided the last time I broke down on the side of the freeway that it just wasn’t worth it anymore. With how much I commute I just needed to have a reliable car. I decided against the 2006 because the cost was just too far out of my range. I did my research and found a 2005 Honda Civic LX with 32,000 miles and bought it for $13,800. I went down to Kaiser Brother’s Honda in L.A. Spent a good portion of a day working out the details and drove away with my new car! This dealership is awesome! They treated me great! Though it took a while to get everything done they made up for it in other ways. A few days after I bought the car I got a $20 Starbucks card in the mail from them! My dad was really impressed with them too. Check it out! Here’s my new car!
March 25th : Bonsai Exhibit – I went back to the Huntington Library for a Bonsai Exhibit they were having. I unfortunately only stayed a few hours but I got some great shots!
March 29th to April 1st : Shawn and Brenda – Shawn and Brenda were out in Fiji for business with Assemble Communications. They were flying back to the states and had an overnight layover in California. So we got to see each of them for a day on seperate days. :)
Ok so if you can believe it I have a few more events to post pictures about but I think the month of March is a good enough start. :) And if you did get through all of these I hope enjoyed them. I'm posting this before I start writing too much more.
Life is good even on 3 1/2 hours of sleep! :D Thanks Jason! ;)
I know it's been a while since I've updated. The amount of pictures I want to share means an extremely long post. But I hope to do some posting this week and maybe I'll post one event at a time or something. I have a few priorities though staying on the phone till the wee hours of the morning last night didn't really fit in to that plan.
But I took some quiet time outside, took a nap on the grass under some trees on my lunch break! Listening to a mix of binaural beats and running water. It was amazingly relaxing!
There are times in a person’s life when they’ve moved into a new chapter and it’s such a subtle process it’s only noticed after a time of reflection. Well I am not sure if I’m more cognizant of my life or if the chapters are just more palpable but I have seen two recent chapter changes in my life over the last several months. One happened in September of last year. September I felt like my life was being turned upside down and everything I cherished was being taken away from me. In a way it was, but I was cherishing them for the wrong reasons. But that is not what this post is about. This post is about the most recent chapter change… the month of March.
The month of March has been full of change… I could actually observe the change as its happening. In the end, the entire month has been the new chapter coming to fruition. There is only a few days left but I am so far from the person I was at the beginning of the month! It’s amazing that you can change so rapidly. A lot of the change has taken place in the outward but I don’t believe it would have changed if the inward hadn’t been already changed.
I was chatting with my friend Tim the other day and I was struck by something. Let me give you a bit of background. I was in a relationship of sorts with someone and things went south in August. Strangely enough someone new stepped into that role. Not intentionally or by his choice, I placed him there. It wasn’t till this month, (March) that I finally let go and accepted the concept that I’m single. This is a hard thing to confess, just because I don’t know why I never realized it sooner. I actually haven’t had a boyfriend for quite a long time! Long before August of last year! But something in my mentality, my mindset, kept feeling connected and attached to one person or the other.
I think the exciting part about this change is that I have accepted the fact that I’m single. I have embraced it and feel extremely grateful to be so! There has been a massive sense of independence. And in the outward you can say that I have experienced a lot of adventures this month! I don’t believe I would have truly *experienced* them if I hadn’t changed internally.
Early this month there was a call to change at church. We were asked to come up and ask for prayer for something we felt was holding us back from our fullest potential. I immediately knew what was holding me back… an unhealthy need for approval. I went up for prayer; I prayed that God would take this from me and give me the confidence to be who He made me to be. I cried, I was prayed for and I felt different. It’s one of those moments when you feel something inside, you feel different and it’s not fake but it’s a *real* change.
That was the internal change… That unhealthy need for approval also seemed connected to my need to latch onto a guy. That issue being resolved also helped me let go of the need for the companionship of my certain male friends.
Now for the external changes… Where do I begin?! There are a lot and I have pictures to go along with each and this is long enough as it is. I think I’m going to post more at another time.
VERY Bad Night – “I’m freezing; I’m cold, my eyes and head hurt from crying so much! Screw the Law of Attraction! What the hell did I do to attract this?! I’m angry and frustrated and drained physically, mentally and definitely emotionally!! … God my head is pounding. I’m so used to just crying at any given point I’ve given up on keeping my glasses clean…. Why this? Why now? Is this just to test my reactions? Is this because the enemy tried to get to me with all the usual areas I struggle with but I’ve learned to address them correctly, so he hit a spot I wasn’t expecting?... I sat there bawling because I never felt more alone, scared, abandoned and lost.”
The above are a few of the lines I wrote in my journal last night in the midst of a VERY BAD night. What may have caused these extreme emotions you may wonder? Part of me doesn’t feel ready to share just yet. What an f’d up night!
Reading my emotions you would think the world came to an end. It felt like it at the time. The emotions I felt were real. I was on the edge but taking each of the difficult circumstances in stride. Then it was that *one* event, the one that pushed me beyond reason, the one where I lost it completely. Bent down near the front of my car on the side of the freeway, sobbing, wondering why the hell this was all happening to me, and what I had done to deserve it!
I didn’t think I’d be able to look back and laugh at all the crap I went through last night, but to some extent I am able to. So I guess I will share.
I had an appointment in Irvine last night. Well I guess I should start back to yesterday morning. Probably a few miles after I left my house I noticed that my cars temperature was a little higher then normal. So I decided to pull over to the gas station and check the levels before making my way down the hill to work. I checked my water, levels, I needed some water but my reserve was still full and so I just filled up my water and checked my oil. I will admit the oil levels were almost embarrassingly low so I put some oil in and called my dad to see if there was anything I should be worried about. He wanted me to drive over to his place and if it overheated again I’d just barrow his car. Well my car was perfectly fine temperature-wise so we agreed that it was probably the oil and that I should keep an eye on it on my way to work. I drove to work and it was perfectly normal, no issues whatsoever. I felt relieved like I had just saved myself from a catastrophe.
So I get off work last night and head over to Irvine. I noted that the temp rose just above normal levels twice but would immediately go back down again. Went to my appointment and started my way back home. This is when the temperature seemed to act erratically. It would heat up and go back down, whether I used the heater or not it didn’t seem to help. So I called my dad who said as long as the temp wasn’t in the red I should be fine but to be careful. Then the heater seemed to not work anymore either. Almost immediately the temp rose close to the red. I pulled over, turned off the car and decided to call the nearest AutoZone to see if I could purchase a new thermostat which is what our guess was to be the problem. So I find out that the nearest AutoZone was maybe 4 miles away, problem was they wouldn’t be able to do any of the work for me and I would have to be walked through by my dad on how to remove the thermostat. I was on the 91 freeway during semi-rush hour and was tired, it was cold and windy and I wanted to just make it home.
I had resigned myself to the fact that I would probably only get a mile of road in before I had to pull over and wait 20 minutes for the temp to go down and do it again until I got to AutoZone. This is where I take the circumstances in stride. I kept my dad on the line to just make sure everything was fine and that I wouldn’t be doing any damage to my car. I made one trip of a mile, my car started to overheat and I pulled over, hazards on, car off. I decided to get out and open the hood just in case a Good Samaritan would happen to pull over and possibly have some water that I could put in my car. At this point we knew that the water was probably all used up. So I sat waiting for the temp to go down and because the freeway was so busy I didn’t feel it wise to go out the driver’s side. I crawled over to the passenger side door and had my dad on the cell with me. We were debating whether or not I should just get the car towed. I knew I didn’t have that kind of money and actually had hoped he would just offer to come down to help me. I knew he’d be able to remove the thermostat and I’d be able to drive home at least. I was getting a bit frustrated but understood it was a lot to ask so I didn’t. I had been in and out of the passenger door. I checked my trunk for any water. No luck. Opened the hood and sat back in my car to stay warm.
Once I felt the car was cool enough I got out of the passenger side and this is the moment where I lost all ability to reason. I was busy talking to my dad on the phone and just locked the passenger door as I made my way to close the hood. It hit me the moment the door clicked. Why I had locked it this time and not any of the other times I do not know! I looked over to the driver’s side door and it was locked! I had locked my keys in my car! I was on the side of the road, it was freezing, and I had no way of getting back into the car! I lost it at that point. I started crying, bawling even … I was alone on the side of the busy, LOUD freeway, my parents were up the hill an hour and a half away and I had no one closer to call! I felt so alone, scared and lost….
It took a bit for me to regain composure to figure out what to do next. My dad had been spouting off all the obvious, expensive routes I would have to take. I felt so stupid! I was already having a rough time with the concept that I would only get to drive a mile then pull over but was actually proud of how well I handled it, but then I had to lock my keys in my car on top of everything else. This was 100 times worse!
My brother called because he had heard about everything and I’m guessing it’s because he’s my older brother and as soon as he asked how I was holding up I lost all composure again and just started crying explaining all the crap that had happened to me and how stupid I felt for locking the keys in the car. He was so sweet and tender. I knew he was wishing he knew what he could do to help.
The next half an hour to an hour was a blur. I was on the phone a lot and it was hard to hear with all the cars on the freeway and the wind on top of that. But they located my spare key where I told them it would be. It was decided that Mike was going to drive down with the spare key and at least pick me up and take me to the AutoZone where I could pick up the thermostat. Plans changed yet again and my dad called a local locksmith to come by and get me into my car for $55.00. Mike was still going to drive down though his concern was that he didn’t know how to remove the thermostat but he would at least be there with me but then my dad decided that he and my mom were going to come down.
I had a few moments to think, sitting under the hood of my car trying to block the wind and keep warm. I couldn’t understand how I could have ever attracted this event into my life. In fact I had been extremely thankful over the last couple of days so I’m still at a loss. I wondered what I was supposed to have learned from all this. It seemed like such a random occurrence. I could have accepted just the thermostat but why did the keys have to get locked into the car? Well because I left them there… yeah yeah but it just felt odd, the whole thing. I looked at the passing cars and felt like no one cared. Yes I had my parents on their way, the locksmith would be there soon and yet I felt so alone, so abandoned on the side of the freeway, like I had no one. I cried out to God. I don’t think I ever blamed Him, but I did ask why… I still have yet to get that answer. Even now, a day later, I’m still not sure what it was about. But I have yet to finish the story.
The locksmith came and got my car unlocked. I had to sign some papers and as I climbed into his truck I saw that it started raining and was thankful and realized this situation could have been a lot worse! I could have not worn as warm as clothes as I had chosen to wear. I could have not taken my cell phone with me when I went to shut the hood of my car! I could have had to pull over on the toll roads that have horrible cell reception! Yes, as miserable as this situation was, it could have been worse… WAY WORSE!
I got into my car, knowing at this point it was definitely cooled down. I drove as far as my little car could take me. I decided the first priority was to get to a gas station and get some water in it! But less then 20 feet away from the closest gas station my car overheated and I had to stop yet again… I was so close I decided to walk over to the gas station and buy water. The guy at the gas station overheard my conversation with my brother on the phone and said that if I could get my car to the gas station he would let me fill up with as much water as I needed. So I went back to the car, waiting again for it to cool down, drove into the Mobile off of Maple/6th St in Corona and put water in. By this time, AutoZone had closed and I had no hope of picking up a thermostat that night. I sat in my car after filling it up with water and I was also on empty so I filled up with gas since I knew I had a good hour to wait for my parents. Still questioning why this had all happened.
My parents got to the mobile station sometime after 10pm. The quotes from my journal came from the time I sat waiting at the Mobile station. My dad’s tools weren’t working. He didn’t have the right size socket. Again, little things did make this situation better then it could have been. The Mobil I happened to stop at was also a smog check place and had tools that they were willing to let my dad use! It took a while to get the thermostat off but once it was my dad chose to drive it home while I rode with my mom. It was midnight before this evening came to an end. I was exhausted and my head and eyes were completely sore. I was extremely thankful for my parents coming to my rescue.
I had another blog entry planned but I think this is long enough. I will share the other one another day. Today I took a personal day off from work. I had a dentist appointment in the morning and well my dad was willing to replace the thermostat for me so I decided that was something that I needed to do. I’ve run some errands but it’s been a fairly uneventful day. Oh and so you all know the car seems to be running smoothly with the new thermostat.
Its weeks like this that make me dislike being a commuter. I have spent the majority of my week stuck in traffic somewhere along the way or just on long drives more then normal. Sunday I drove down to Ontario to take my best friend out to dinner and a movie for her birthday last weekend. Monday I drove to Pasadena to drop my camera off at General Camera on Colorado Blvd. I did spend some time hanging out down there, and I'll explain more about that later. Tuesday I drove to work but had to leave work early to go back out to Pasadena to pick up my camera. Everyone told me if I was lucky it would be a 3 hour drive. Luckily it only took an hour and a half and I was home in 2 1/2 hours from the time I left work! I thought Wednesday was going to be a normal commute but turned out there was an accident with a big rig and a minivan and it took an extra 45 min to get up the hill! This morning I was driving into work and people didn't know how to drive in the fog. Mind you, it was pretty dense fog but it added another 45 min to my drive to work. All circumstantial situations and if each had happened one day out of a week of normal commuting it would have been fine. But all in one week leads me to dislike being a commuter. Hehe
Another thing I've realized is at certain moments I will get hit with a battle of my emotional mindset. Last night, possibly because of the stress of the drive, I found myself in a negative mood. It wasn't too bad but I could tell my focus and mindset was out of line. A bit emotional about things I shouldn't have been emotional about. Climbing into bed I took some time to read "The Secret" and again felt encouraged to change my focus. In the last few moments before going to bed my night changed for the better. I had been receiving text messages from a friend of mine that was making me smile. I fell asleep thinking on good things and woke up realizing that I shouldn't ever get too comfortable with my mindset. That it will always need to be 'in check'. But the amazing thing is how much more aware I am about my thoughts and how they are affecting my mood.
Well this is a quick update for now. I have lots of pics to share. I will soon!
So I got home a little bit ago, 10:00pm to be exact! Gotta love holiday traffic! It took almost 2 hours to get home tonight! Ugh…
Today has been an interesting day. I am guessing that the holiday played it’s part but there was something in the air at the office… It was hard to concentrate. We were understaffed and though the phones weren’t going off I found it hard to focus on my projects. I got a surprise visit from my friend Sandeep! He was driving home to Fresno from San Diego and decided to stop by. It was great to see him again! He has been a big supporter in me starting my own photography business. He’s just started a new business called SiliconScript, Inc. He believes his company can help get me some photography business. I’m looking forward to a trip up north to check out what he does and of course to take pictures! I have another friend who’s starting up a business who may also help get my photography out there but I don’t have confirmation of the plans so I’m gonna hold off till I know for sure she wants to go that route. The rest of the day went smoothly. Most people were out of the office and then everyone left early and at about 3pm I was the only person left in my department. I attempted to get work done but after about 4:30 I was pretty much useless. Hehe
After work I saw how bad the freeway was so I decided to stop by Target to pick up a couple items and then went over to Barnes & Noble to browse through some books and I knew I wanted a new journal. My sister bought me one for Christmas but it is identical to the one I currently have. I decided I wanted to have a different style in between. I love my current journal though so it was hard to find a comparable one but I think I found it. I stopped by the photography section as I always do and happened to notice a couple “how to start a photography business” books and thumbed through them to see if there was something I felt would be helpful. Sure enough there looked to be a lot of great information in them. Some focused on different areas. So I want to talk to Drew who’s helping me with my business plan and stuff and once I get an idea of what aspects he’ll be able to help me with I can narrow down my selections. Though I think I want to buy two of the books no matter what.
I also stumbled across a book that I didn’t know was even in book form, I had known it only as a movie. The Secret! For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, this is definitely a unique outlook and though it leans towards some ‘new thought’ rather then on biblical backing it still has a great biblical concept behind it! The movie was recommended to me by my friend Jason. I watched it and was rather impressed. I’ve wanted to watch the movie again and sure enough the moment I walk into Barnes & Noble I see it in the first rack I look at and I picked it up immediately. I read a few pages on my drive home (That should give you an idea of how bad the traffic was!). [Oh and Jason, you recommended that I should read “that one” book and I’m going to have to say you were right! ;)]
I was driving home and frustrated about being stuck in traffic even after attempting to waste time in hopes that it would die down. I wasn’t in the mood for my music which lately seems to be all that I’m into. I felt numb yet moody. That’s when I chose to take out the Secret and start reading it. Immediately I was impacted by how my thoughts were affecting my mood. My focus was wrong. As I read I noticed slight changes in my attitude. The music was making me bouncy again, you know the kind that you have to tap your fingers or do a little dance in your seat? Hehe Well maybe you don’t, but for me it’s a good sign. Then I noticed before I knew it I was further along in the traffic and going faster. All the while my nose in a book glancing every few seconds to make sure I hadn’t allowed too much space between me and the car in front of me.
I only got through 9 pages of the book when I got a call from my good friend Andie… She just bought a car! A 2000 VW beetle, mint green! It’s totally Andie! I’m really happy for her. But we talked about things going on in her life that aren’t going so well. I am so proud of her though! She’s so strong and doing so amazing with everything! It was so cool to catch up with her… I miss her.
I got home and started some laundry and put away some of the stuff I got; I still have a Target bag or two on my bed. Isn’t it amazing how you suddenly have 10 items in your cart when you only went in for 2!?! It didn’t help that I was trying to waste time, but I didn’t get too carried away. The only splurge was a frame for one of my 8x10 prints. And I couldn’t believe that they already had Easter stuff out. Crazy!
So now I’m listening to the Garden State soundtrack. Wanting to ramble and not wanting to move my mouth. Hehe I feel like I’m on a road to self discovery. God’s been revealing a lot to me about myself. I’ve been doing a lot of self evaluation and reading a lot of self help books (i.e. Approval Addiction by Joyce Meyer, 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C Maxwell, Simple-ology by Mark Joyner, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, Mindless Eating by Brian Wansink). I feel like in the last 6 months I’ve been on this upward journey. Prior to that it had been a downward spiral and I think I reached bottom around September and now I’m reaching upward again! I have my moments of standing still to catch my breath but then I keep reaching for more. It’s been hard… There have been a lot of things that I have seen in and about myself that were painful to accept at first… But it’s never so much that I can’t handle it. God is so faithful to be tender about it all. The biggest surprise is that it was all to bring me to a “time such as this”! It’s hard to imagine that I’m exactly where I need to be, but in fact I am! I know that all that I have been through has made me who I am and has brought me to where I am.
Anyways, it’s late. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow but I do have a list of goals I would like to accomplish… Cleaning, uploading my first few versions of my website (crazy stuff!), putting the two pictures of mine that I’ve picked for my living room in frames and hanging them up, I would like to take a long walk, read some more from my Approval Addiction book and whatever else comes up along the way.
